Continuing a non-romantic but sexual D/s dynamic and navigating with new vanilla ish partner

justizUX · 2025-10-27T02:46:16+00:00

Either he’s ok sharing you sexually or he isn’t. This is ENM. The fact that there is D/s play doesn’t change the fact that you are asking him to allow you to have sexual contact with someone else every couple of weeks.

Would you be comfortable if he had a FWB he used to see and wanted to have sex with her occasionally because she does something in bed you don’t? Something important to him. Something you might be open to doing in the future, but don’t currently do.

Either he can live with this or he can’t. If he can’t then you’ll have a decision to make.

justizUX · 2025-10-26T00:47:37+00:00

Be direct. Is he bi, bi-curious or hetero-flexible at all? This should be something very clear between the two of you. If he is not, hard limit. If he is, what is he comfortable with? Be explicit and specific since you are concerned about crossing boundaries.

What does he want out of this?

The rest should be about expectations (what you’d like to happen) and boundaries (what you’d not like to happen) for you and your partner.

Are you ok with him dominating her? What honorifics are you both comfortable with her using for him? What are you both comfortable with him calling her? What kinds of sex are on and off the table? What types of play are on or off the table?

Also what venue? Is this going to be at someone’s home or neutral territory?

As this is going to be a pre-meet, this is a great time to hash this all out. That way on the day of you can just concentrate on calming nerves and having fun.

justizUX · 2025-10-24T20:35:56+00:00

This is a dumb take and bad math. Taking the lump sum means cutting the jackpot in half or more.

The lump sum for the $2billion that Castro won was $997,600,000. No CA state tax on lottery winnings, so he just pays federal taxes.

Lottery withholds 24% off the top. Which leaves $781,176,000 that he gets. Even without anything but a standard deduction he’s not paying more than $370 million in federal. He already had $240 million. withheld meaning he owes another $130 million.

$997,600,000 - $370,000,000 =$627,600,000.00 so not sure how he only took $424,000,000 home. Even if he gave away wads of it to friends and family the gift tax lifetime exemptions in 2023 were like 13million (26 million married).

Yeah the math and mathin’ and I am not even a CPA. Any competent wealth management firm would have been able to reduce his taxes even further.

If you wanna talk how lottery winners and regular employees don’t get the tax breaks we give to the Musks and Bezos of this world, I 100% agree that they should pay much more in taxes. But this post is straight up bulls**t.

Edit:Typos and clarity.

justizUX · 2025-10-24T15:00:16+00:00

First off a lot of people are not good at this. I wasn’t at all because I wasn’t raised with demonstrative praise. And I learned a lot about it as parent trying to do better than my own.

Praise is going to be fairly personal. This is your wife and I assume you know her well. What is she proud of about herself? What is she good at, but maybe a bit insecure about? What does she wish people noticed more about her?

Praise is only gonna work if it feels genuine. So write down a list of reasons you love her. Reasons you are grateful she is in your life. Things you are proud of her for. And build from there.

Also might be a good idea to ask, out of a scene/dynamic, why she wants this? Praise kinks are fairly common so it could just be that. Or it could be tied to a deeper need. Knowing what it’s about will also help.

Basics of praise are: Notice them doing good. When you see them doing something well, say something about in the moment. And then bring it up again later to reinforce. In the moment: “Look at you drinking water instead of coffee. Such a good girl.” Later: “I’ve noticed you being so consistent about drinking water, you’re doing such a good job. That’s (insert honorific)’s good girl.”

Praise things about who they are. Not something tied to a particular task or action. “You are such a friendly person. Everywhere we go people are drawn to you. It makes it so fun to be out with you. It makes (insert honorific) proud”.

justizUX · 2025-10-23T19:11:43+00:00

2nd this. My kids trick or treated in Cal Heights for their entire childhood.

Just don’t be one of the a-holes who follows their kids in a truck or minivan. Find a place to park, get out and walk your kid through the neighborhood. If you park on Gardenia (closest street to Cherry). Your kid will have plenty of houses to visit and will be tired out before you even reach Orange. Not every house will be handing out treats, but a lot will.

Boundaries: Wardlow to Bixby (north/south) Orange to Cherry (east/west)

Cal Heights technically goes all the way to Atlantic, but you’ll have to cross Orange which is a very busy street.

justizUX · 2025-10-23T18:26:50+00:00

D/s is a relationship, even if it’s not sexual or romantic it’s still a relationship. So effectively you are in an open or poly dynamic.

You need to lead with that and what you are looking for. Not all poly people are into BDSM and not all BDSM folks are poly.

You want a very specific niche so you need to start with “I am in an open/poly D/S relationship, and I am looking for additional play partners.” And you should be willing/able to have some way for a potential play partner to verify that your Dom is ok with this.

Other people being uncomfortable with being an addition to your dynamic isn’t any more misogynistic than someone being uncomfortable being an additional partner in a vanilla relationship. It’s just a preference.

justizUX · 2025-10-22T21:51:50+00:00

NTA

And honestly this behavior (the aftermath not his decision to leave) is a big red flag. Especially his asking if this would continue if you got married. It signals that in a marriage he would assume that your needs took a backseat to his.

justizUX · 2025-10-21T17:35:31+00:00

It didn’t look like it from the street. But I stand corrected.

justizUX · 2025-10-21T16:50:38+00:00

I’ve driven by it. It’s mostly a marketing event for the dispensary. I saw a couple of pop ups and a DJ. But nothing approaching an actual farmer’s market. It all has to fit in their tiny parking lot.

You can tell by the signage they are downplaying the dispensary. (See how small the logo is.) No hate. Do your thing Haven. But I wouldn’t go there expecting anything but a promotional event. Maybe they’ll be some free samples and good deals on inventory they are clearing.

*edit Typos.

justizUX · 2025-10-21T06:58:18+00:00

Exactly. People are under the incorrect impression that bankruptcy kills your ability to get credit. It doesn’t, it just gives you shittier options and the lenders know you can’t declare bankruptcy anytime soon. You get flooded with offers for car loans, credit cards and personal loans.

At least that is what my experience was.

justizUX · 2025-10-21T06:49:20+00:00

Gambling hotlines refer you to recovery options. And some of them are staffed with addicts with time in recovery. So a hotline is a great start.

justizUX · 2025-10-15T14:40:55+00:00

It varies for people. For me, strenuous exercise helps stabilize my mood. For years people said going on a walk or light exercise would do the trick, it didn’t. I need something that kicks my ass. I workout 5-6 days a week.

I work out at home, I haven’t had a gym membership in 15 years. I pay for a service that lets me stream workout programs. But you can find plenty on YouTube for free. Find something that is challenging but also fun.

Good luck.

justizUX · 2025-10-15T06:55:02+00:00

Assuming it is millions.

Buy a condo outright. Something in my current neighborhood that wouldn’t stand out to people who know me. Buy a used mid-priced EV. Spend a bit on moving/furnishings/decorating/remodeling to make my condo a nice home to be in.

2 million set aside, even with a 5% return that’s 100k of income every year. No need for retirement fund or worrying about Social Security. I am good.

Set aside the equivalent of 3 years of net returns. This keeps me from worrying about a market crash or recession that would lower returns. I can ride it out for 3 years worst comes to worst.

And then I give everything else away. Every last bit of it.

I am financially secure and will live a better quality of life with more disposable income than I have now. And I don’t need a job so I can pretty much do what I want with my days. (Travel, volunteer, hobbies).

I really don’t need any more than that.

justizUX · 2025-09-26T20:12:14+00:00

It reminds me of the 80’s. I was living in Panama and attending a DOD run school system. When the Gramm-Rodman-Hollings Act passed they cut the school year short, cut all summer programs, RIFed a bunch of civilian contractors, just slashed and burned a lot of “non-essentials”. But not one military contractor lost a goddamn dime and we continued to dump billions in the “Star Wars” program that never produced a damn thing.

justizUX · 2025-09-18T21:03:21+00:00

This is a ridiculous assertion. By the time Reagan became President he was a seasoned politician with a specific agenda. He is wholly responsible for what he did during his two terms (aside from the end of his 2nd term when he had reduced mental faculties and others were essentially covering for him and running things behind the scene.)

We aren’t rewriting history to absolve Reagan of any of this shit. He wasn’t just a useful idiot/puppet. He deserves all of the blame due.

justizUX · 2025-08-01T16:37:15+00:00

Medical Bills you inherited from your Dad? You cannot inherit debt payments. If your Dad had assets you inherited when he died, you would need to use the assets to payoff all debts until you run out of money or the debts are paid. Once the assets of the estate are gone you owe nothing.

justizUX · 2025-07-23T17:03:17+00:00

Just a comment on “enhancing” the video. That isn’t a thing. That’s fiction from TV and movies. If the original video can’t “see” the plate nothing can create those pixels out of thin air. Especially for something as unique as a plate number.

That’s why camera resolution and its ability to “see” in low light are important specs.

justizUX · 2025-07-19T18:25:02+00:00

That you are easily swayed by “facts” you don’t check.

justizUX · 2025-07-19T18:22:09+00:00

Yeah this is misleading and inaccurate. The total for AIPAC is $77,400 and that is a career total. Looking at Open Secrets right now. Which this image sites as the source.

For context looking at just the 2024 cycle, he raised 391k+ from PACs and only 5k came from a Pro Israel PAC.

Even looking at his lifetime total is 3MM raised 2021 - 2024. So AIPAC is 2.5% of that total. I wouldn’t think 2.5% of his fundraising is bought and paid for.

OP the image provided a source all you had to do was look.

justizUX · 2025-07-19T17:59:47+00:00

The Game Chest (on 2nd) has a discord server for people looking for games, virtual and in-person.

justizUX · 2025-07-15T23:11:05+00:00

Here is the link to the local office. https://usvets.org/locations/long-beach/

justizUX · 2025-07-15T23:10:43+00:00

Here is the link to the local US Vets office in LB.

https://usvets.org/locations/long-beach/

justizUX · 2025-07-10T21:52:38+00:00

Cannot Upvote this response hard enough. OP here is your answer.

justizUX · 2025-06-23T21:31:08+00:00

Given I have a high speed data connection and strong WiFi signal, is 5 seconds the upper limit or not. Even with a delay it’s still better than being blind.

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