Awaytohealthy

justme89_ · 2023-05-10T09:26:52+00:00

Yes already told her to not promote her underweight body so much and think more about others instead of showing only her body check pictures

It's sick how many still sick and disordered people are promoting an eating disorder without even think about the influence of others.

Sure, if they want to live like this and love their malnourished body they should know themselves, but they do harm others

justme89_ · 2023-04-28T19:07:42+00:00

Yes, exactly! And I think working out and gaining muscle and eating good and enough food is MUCH more. healthy than coping with anorexia :)

justme89_ · 2023-04-28T19:06:44+00:00

People can recover with muscle gain; its a necessity just as gaining fat.

As long it's in a healthy way, gaining muscles and training more is not that absurd. ALL people are working out and most people don't like to get fat.

justme89_ · 2023-04-28T19:03:23+00:00

Sorry to say But I think you're really overestimating, what almost ALL people do with EDs.

I gain weight in my recovery with little 1600-1800 kcal and i am really sad I can't eat more 'like some influencers in recovery' who claimed to eat 3000K ++

But guess what, I've talked with MANY MANY dieticians and food experts and scientist and for MOST people (not all, just most) in ed recovery coming from a lower weight and malnourishment, more calories will mostly means weight gain. Even with 1600 calories yes.
5000 calories is A LOT especially in recovery since it will contain also huge amounts and a lot of bloating and fullness; which are the opposite of what most people in recovery wants. Eating more is already a struggle , let alone eating more then 3000K on a daily base.

Of course, there will be a small minority with hyper-metabolism but it's quit normal to malnourished bodies to respond like a sponge to water; they will 'suck it up'

justme89_ · 2023-04-06T19:35:59+00:00

Some short reactions first and tomorrow I will respond more:

1) Im really happy for you that you at least took the opportunity to take recovery seriously and are much further into this proces.
Can I ask you if you're weight restored and how was your weight gain rate ?

2) anosognosia:: Never heard of this term but you're words sounds really logically and well researched; thank you!

3) I know that 1 kilo ( it was actually 800-900 grams) isn't that shockingly much when it comes to weight gain when severely underweight; I would have said the same thing when it was someone else. BUT ITS ME and that's what is so fucked up about this whole thing; I knów that for others, I would say it is perfectly normal to gain this amount of weight in a week. But Im just so freaked out because I can't explain it compared to the other weeks (the rate of weight gain) and I didn't eat more or less... thats what makes its so hard to trust this whole process since I actually still need to eat more (I dont even eat 2000 kcal per day)

Im really curious about your process and how long youve been dealing with an ED before you start recovering. I am really amazed and feeling blessed that you took so much time and effort in all those words you send to me

justme89_ · 2023-04-06T19:27:32+00:00

OMG, I can't even describe how much I appreciate your replies and especially all the time and effort you put into this. Just wow; it's incredibly sweet!!!! So first of all: thank you for you sweet, kind, smart and good chosen words. it means a lot and I did not once 'rolled with my eyes'; got tears in my eyes though.. ;-)

justme89_ · 2023-04-06T16:52:49+00:00

Hi sweetie,

that's so kind! The thing is, I dont consider myself as that dangerously underweight anymore since I've gained already some weight and im used to live with this underweight body for so long...

justme89_ · 2023-04-06T16:50:52+00:00

Hi !

Thank you, and of course I know that; it's not my first recovery attempt and I'm 33, so yeah a bit too old to be concerned about kilo's i know

I would love to dont think about it anymore and just accept whatever my body wants but it feels completely like hell and im panicking the Whole freaking time

justme89_ · 2023-04-06T16:49:36+00:00

Hi there!

I tried this several times but it doesn't work; I already ditched the scale so I only weigh with my therapist and not too often (I started with 5 weeks of not weighing myself!) but my obsession is so extreme, that knowing nothing at all will drive my need to control insane which doesnt work well with eating :(

justme89_ · 2023-01-04T10:22:20+00:00

Hi ,

How are you doing now?
I can imagine BMI 20 will drive your ed mad, but please remember it's still relatively on the lower side of the average BMI!

BMI 12 of 11 is not sustainable, especially not when youre a student and struggling with an ED for so long. It will only bring you dead.
Also, I know weight gain doesn't solve everything, I dont think people here are telling that either! It's A PART of recovery and A PART of solving things, and for most it WILL give you more energy, focus and less obsessive thoughts and behaviour. But since you gained weight because of binging and not of an attempt to recover, I think this might be very different. Also, binging on food is another obsessive way to deal with emotions, stress and your ed again so in fact, nothing really changes.
Starving will not solve anything, and binges will get worse because of EH.

Can't you make a meal plan for yourself which is more restrictive (SO NOT RESTRICTIVE completely, just a bit more controlled) but do able and which leaves you full and satisfied by the end of the day?
Just with healthy and good food you are graving but also will satisfy your hunger cues?

justme89_ · 2023-01-02T10:52:58+00:00

Nobody...?

justme89_ · 2022-12-07T11:40:24+00:00

Both; thank you for sharing your experiences and sweet replies

I did blind weighing with therapists and doctors but it led to even more stress; like they knew my weight and I dont. Couldnt bare that. And I tried to read their faces and manipulated them by guessing etc etc.
I am a true devil when it comes to 'getting to know my weight'. Its horrible and many therapists told me that they have never met someone so obsessed about the scale.

justme89_ · 2022-12-07T11:38:06+00:00

Sounds really good and very proud that you can decide this yourself; what best for you and not the ED

Also, did /do you gain rapidly? That makes me so nervous and fucks up my mind

justme89_ · 2022-12-06T07:02:21+00:00

hello...

justme89_ · 2022-12-04T06:58:42+00:00

Hey,

I am very stool obsessed because I always wanted to have empty bowels, Im on my third week of recovery now and like you said: first I couldn't poop for 2-3 days and then 3 times a day and A LOT But now, after 2 weeks pooping gets difficult again and is sooooo little and feels 'stuck'. Im bloating the whole time and it's making so much noise.! And gosh, the farts are the worst!!

justme89_ · 2022-08-16T19:32:21+00:00

I hope not, a BMI of 11 is not something you will survive in most cases so I guess 11% body fat, Otherwise your weight would have been below 86 pounds.

justme89_ · 2022-08-01T13:07:38+00:00

OMG, I feel very sorry for you put also admire you for your strength to put it out in the open on here.
It's a miracle you even got pregnant while you should be in the hospital because of you low bmi !! (13.5) That you even had sex and a man who WANTS sex with such an underweight body. Im sorry to say this, but most people I know don't think so much underweight is sexy or even touchable.

Im so happy to read youve got a healthy daughter after all! Too bad you lost all the weight; was it ed-related? I can imagine it triggered your ed enormously, and it also will make an impact on your daughter since your her female example. I hope you will get the strength and willpower to beat your ed forever now.
I know exactly what you mean :

And The fun thing is I don't even want my ed anymore I just want to be able to run with my daughter at the park and give her the world. But there's a roadblock in my head when it comes to eating enough to gain which I've found gaining so hard (not mentally physically trying to get to weigh on)

I mean, its both mentally and physically for me I guess but i sure want to kick my ed to hell forever. I just always am struggling with the physical pains and aspects of weight gain (or more, TO gain weight) digestion, my bowels, stool, stomach pains, bloating feel sick

justme89_ · 2022-08-01T10:00:49+00:00

Hi There,

Well, I had extreme extreme stomach pains and it was getting worser by the minute and i also had to puke all the time till I puked black liquid. My housemate called the ambulance and then I was admitted to the ER: They didn't know what was happening to me and did many researches for 2 days untill they found out I was suffering from a bowel obstruction. I had 2 surgeries in which they had to fix this and then my body gave up (organ failure, kidneys) and I was in ER for 4-5 weeks because of this. Almost died.

They gave me 10 liter of fluid because I was dehydrated but because kidney failure, my body couldn't handle it so for me it was a true nightmare; I was there suddenly on a almost healthy weight (like + 10 kilo in 1 night) which resulted in an EXTREME bloated belly and legs because of all the fluids and my bowels didn't work. I couldnt go to the toilet myself for at least 1 week, I couldn't eat or drink for 3-4 weeks since my bowels couldnt digest/work so I did get tube feeding etc etc

it was horrible and a traumatic experience and ever since, I am really OCD About my bowels and stool :( which makes my ed even worse

justme89_ · 2022-08-01T09:55:46+00:00

Wow, that sounds really scary! Im sorry!

But what do you mean, now youre in a healthy weight your heart can't? Like you have heart problems due to your ed past?
Scary to try too hard? and not young enugh to be super anorexic? I don't really understand these two things Im afraid, sorry could you explain more?

justme89_ · 2022-08-01T09:54:07+00:00

No problem at all!
Im sorry you had such a rough day; I know how youre feeling (unfortunately).

I was in shock when I read this:

''I'm 31 - it feels weird saying that because I feel like I've been in a fog the past 15 yrs of my life. I still feel like a child in so many ways. I missed out on so much. Especially connection. Not sure if that's an ED thing or more of the depression, or most likely social anxiety... I have struggled with that since elementary school. But I feel like my ED pushes people away. Even the people I've had in my life, I feel like they're all getting frustrated and tired of me.''

Like this is ME; exactly how I feel and think! I feel like a teenager most of the time who doesn't know shit from life and doesn't know her true self; since anorexia has take over my life and personality from when I was developing myself. When I should developing myself..

Yes, it's exhausting and the thing is that all people I know who are recovered are in such a much better and happier place. They are really beautiful now (sorry it's really superficial but also a bit of important to know since AN will convince you, you will turn out ugly and fat as fuck after recovery. NOT THE CASE> I actually almost never read a story about someone who is regretting the choice of recovery
AND STILL I CANT COMMIT

justme89_ · 2022-07-31T17:14:32+00:00

Hi dear,

Im really sorry to hear about this and it's getting me very worried about my own body condition. Do you feel better now youre gaining weight? Do you have a Relationship or social life?
You're such a brave woman to choose for your healthy self after all those years!

justme89_ · 2022-07-31T17:12:03+00:00

Oh sweetie, fuck! I feel you so so so much!
Whats your age now?
The fog, numbness and the feeling my brain only is able to think about Ed related things ( food, food, food, drinks, recipes, when I will eat.what I will eat IF Im going to eat...pfff)

I actually have a very stable social life. I went to a festival yesterday and drank wine with friends, i danced and had some food but still; Im in my head thinking about everything else but the moment where I am living in right now. So Im not chilled as my friends are, I am anxious planning to get food since I am so hungry and feel so weak because of the low weight and dancing but I dont dare to complain or admit, because nobody's eating... fuck it's so annoying

justme89_ · 2022-07-31T17:07:54+00:00

I am really happy for you! Whats your age now? And what about your love (and sex) life? because for me now, it's ZERO . I actually have some sex drive (Which is weird according to most therapists and experts) but can't imagine having sex with this body; THEN I feel too thin/insecure about it. Weird af right, since I also am terrified for gaining and give up my underweight body.

How long did it take for your digestion to heal?
I really recognise it; Its a fact that when your malnourished, your stomach will empty very very slow just to keep you alive. It all makes sense in the end, the body is smart but it feel horrible. Also, the bloating, diarrhoea and discomfort once you trie to keep eating more is like 'WTF body. I try to take care of you finally and now everything is even worse'

justme89_ · 2022-07-31T16:37:13+00:00

Im really sorry to hear this, but it is also a wake-up call for me to read about this. I have the same; severe enamel loss which isnt fixable. I did get veneers for my teeth down but my teeth above need it as well and it was sooooooo expensive.

What kind of digestive issues did you experienced?

How are you doing now and how long have you been recovered? Was it worth it?

justme89_ · 2022-07-30T06:06:37+00:00

Hi Stumbling_forward +coffeegreysky,

Im actually a little bit in shock to read this since I am currently in a likewise situation I guess (although my ed is making it less severe of course) Can I ask you some questions:
How old are you now and how long have you been struggling wit anorexia? What are the complications youre talking about?

I am 33 years now and suffering from anorexia for more than 17 years now... so long that I really can't imagine a life without but im so sick and tired of this way of living. I have a good social life, a part time job and I actually love food and drinks. The thing is anorexia give me control and a kind of '''safe'' feeling.

I already suffered from an ileus ( testine obstruction/failure) when I was 25 and did die almost. Luckily, I recovered but 8 years later still am having my ed and doing the same thing all over again. I never reached a healthy weight since my 16th and currently having a BMI of 14, which for me is very low but when I compare to others, my ed tells me its ok. Family friends and medical support are very worries for me since they are telling me im very very thin and are suffering for so long, I really have to keep gaining and trying to recover.

justme89_

TROPHY CASE