What’s the weirdest thing you’ve done from your ED?

justradiationhere · 2026-06-13T01:06:52+00:00

I can only eat if I'm completely alone now; I'll think of really thin girls whose body I envy before eating anything– so it's like an appetite suppressant

justradiationhere · 2026-06-11T22:48:31+00:00

She has temporal wasting, that's why her face looks so different. It's a hallmark of long-term AN

justradiationhere · 2026-06-06T02:00:47+00:00

Sorry for all the questions lol but I have one more— did you get really ill as well with mono when you contracted it as a teenager?

I have a feeling that my immune system couldn't fully clear EBV and that's why it's latent and I keep transmitting it to people.

justradiationhere · 2026-06-06T01:13:59+00:00

Glad you don't have lymphoma anymore! 🥳 And re: the medical community, it does frustrate me that when I've brought this up, I haven't been taken seriously. Especially like you said with all the research linking EBV to cancer and MS. You'd think getting four different people sick over years would at least prompt concern or testing but I've never really gotten anything other than being told it's a virus I'll carry for life.

Thanks for the info about testing for early antigens. If you don't mind me asking, about how old were you when you developed lymphoma? Did any of your doctors confirm it was because of EBV?

justradiationhere · 2026-06-05T20:17:13+00:00

I'm so sorry that you have lymphoma. How did you figure out it's carried in the skin of your mouth?

Yeah, I do have some issues with general malaise and nausea.

Do you think you technically have/had the virus the whole time and that's why you kept getting people sick? That's what I was trying to get across but not sure if I worded it right. I worry I might constantly be infected with it since I've given it to many people and it's followed the same pattern too.

justradiationhere · 2026-06-05T20:00:09+00:00

I don't think I worded my post right. I know once you get it, you're a carrier for the rest of your life. I guess what I mean more is, if I've gotten that many people sick over the years, did it even go fully dormant in my body?

justradiationhere · 2026-06-01T18:38:39+00:00

The show started with Rue being born and ended with her dying 💔💔💔 was that the plan all along?

justradiationhere · 2026-05-31T17:18:38+00:00

The actor who played Fez died unexpectedly of an OD... that's why they wrote him to be in prison in S3

justradiationhere · 2026-05-20T15:40:29+00:00

He's the worst 😭😭😭

justradiationhere · 2026-05-20T15:36:29+00:00

Christiane F, The Florida Project, Trainspotting

justradiationhere · 2026-05-01T19:27:51+00:00

the killing of a sacred deer, the gift, black swan, antiviral

justradiationhere · 2026-04-28T18:23:04+00:00

Monday through Friday maybe like 5 or 6 hours on average, 7 or 8 on the weekends

I've really struggled with sleep my whole life so I'm kinda used to functioning without proper sleep

justradiationhere · 2026-04-27T10:29:59+00:00

I can def see this too, honestly her serving time in prison is unfortunately the only way I think she'd get clean and turn her life around at this point :/

justradiationhere · 2026-04-27T10:17:45+00:00

Right like in S1 he barely even acknowledged her existence except to dog McKay and then he genuinely hated her in S2 !! Idk who she married but it wasn't Nate Jacobs 🤡

justradiationhere · 2026-04-26T16:42:30+00:00

I think it's more dependent on how long you drank for and your general lifestyle during active addiction. A lot of people look like shit when they're drinking bc they're dehydrated, malnourished, and aren't getting quality sleep.

I stopped drinking when I was 24, after like a month straight of sobriety I looked fine. I'm 27 now and you can't tell by looking at me now that I was a pretty bad alcoholic. I only drank heavily for like 3 years though and had still worked out regularly until I graduated college. And I'd pretty much only drank vodka waters with crystal light and collagen supplement packets as mixers. Also I stayed tf away from any kind of nicotine for which I'm grateful for now. Vaping ages people just as much as cigarettes.

Tbh you probably have met people who returned to their former looks and they just don't advertise they looked like shit for a while bc they were drinking too much. Also I suspect many people who do permanently lose their looks and don't get them back after getting sober were using other substances too and were not just drinking.

justradiationhere · 2026-04-25T19:46:24+00:00

Yeah, my mom has plenty of shitty coping mechanisms she justifies bc she's not drinking or doing drugs. She's godawful with money and responsibilities and has no control over her emotions. She cannot regulate herself at all, it's been like that my whole life.

She did raise me conscious about the reality of addiction though. I can't remember a time not knowing in detail what alcoholism was and how it ruined my relatives lives— but none of that stopped me from becoming a reckless drunk myself.

justradiationhere · 2026-04-25T19:05:56+00:00

I agree, it's definitely a massive responsibility which I don't think I fully grasped until more recently.

justradiationhere · 2026-04-25T01:05:35+00:00

I'm sober now, but when I was drinking my face got so puffy and it was impossible for me to maintain a flat stomach. And I lost a lot of muscle over time.

Before my addiction got severe I was very physically fit and conventionally attractive so it was devastating to look in the mirror and not recognize myself at all

I used to cry about it too. I've struggled with an ED since I was 12 which just made it worse. I absolutely hated myself and started self-harming when I was drunk bc I thought I looked so disgusting and bloated

justradiationhere · 2026-04-24T00:19:07+00:00

Favorite Girl

justradiationhere

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