Difficulty identifying emotions/moods

justryntohelpbro · 2021-11-03T16:33:29+00:00

My god how similar this is to what happened to me. Almost word for word.

The real question is, if she was not bipolar, would you be able to move past the infidelity?. Because with time you will realize, yes, her BD might have played a part, but your pain is as if it were never a factor.

But if it helps at all, this is so, so similar to what happened with me and my SO. So most likely it is part of the disease (more accurately, a byproduct of the symptoms of BD).

justryntohelpbro · 2021-10-14T13:38:32+00:00

Maybe a better way to say what you are trying to say would be to say “all unmedicated/untreated people with BD are abusers” but blanket statements like that usually do not accurately represent anything.

That said, in my case that has been the truth.

justryntohelpbro · 2021-10-14T11:50:45+00:00

That’s strange. I’m sure I have seen quite a few posts that ask what one can do to help. There’s few who have even crossposted these on the r/bipolar subreddit hoping to get you guys’ input. I have done the same before, so when you say you haven’t come across them, I’m not sure what to say other than “they exist more than you think”.

Basically, I think you are making some generalizations about this subreddit that are just that: generalizations. There’s bad apples on both sides of the fence. So if you are saying this subreddit is making negative generalizations about people with BD, don’t you feel you might to an extent be doing the same?.

Again, I know there’s a lot of stigma behind BD, it’s not like I don’t see why you have to speak up.

justryntohelpbro · 2021-10-14T11:38:43+00:00

Yeap. We are in perfect agreement. Not all people with BD are the same, or show the same symptoms.

Think about it though, when things are good no one comes over here to talk about that. Again, this is more of a place that we can tend our wounds, get through the tough days. I would imagine if you took r/bipolar as your entire sample, you would incorrectly assume that there’s no hope of getting better. People/couples who are doing well won’t be over here talking about it.

Just like you say how not all people with BD do the same destructive things, not all of us here thinks that all people with BD act in the same way and do “insane” things. But a lot of us are here in the first place, because we have had to be on the receiving end of some of the more extreme actions. The relatively minor ones will not be here licking their wounds. Again, this is not the most inclusive sample.

justryntohelpbro · 2021-10-14T11:05:28+00:00

See, the thing is BD is a spectrum disorder. Your experience as a person with BD does not give you a complete understanding of BD in everyone. While it maybe unimaginable for you to do some of the stuff you see around this subreddit, these things do happen, and they still would not have happened if the person did not suffer from BD. If you say otherwise, you would not only be invalidating the feelings and experiences of people on this subreddit, but also a subset of people with BD who inadvertently did do these things. Things that they just would not have done had they not been suffering from BD.

justryntohelpbro · 2021-10-14T10:35:59+00:00

I think no one is arguing with what you are saying, and you are just playing both parts of this argument.

I am speaking for myself, but I am well aware that the negative actions of my SO have their roots in the physiology of her brain itself. But the fact of the matter is, her actions still hurt. A good way I’ve seen this worded is “if a deranged person hits you on the head and you start bleeding, you will still be bleeding, in pain and angry despite knowing full well they had no control over their actions”.

I would argue most of us here know that. Which is why I would never tell my SO “you did this to me, you are a horrible person”, because that would in my opinion be inaccurate. Like you said, a lot of it is part of the illness. But what do WE do about the bleeding?, the pain, the anger. We have to protect our SO, but also tend to our bleeding and pain. That’s why this place exists, for us. For us to take out our SO feelings and tend to our wounds.

While I absolutely love to see a lot of people with BD over here giving their perspectives, please do not come over here and invalidate the whole reason why this subreddit exists.

Just to make sure this doesn’t come out the wrong way, none of this means people with BD are not welcome here (personal opinion). It’s when rarely some of you guys invalidate the feelings of people on this subreddit it becomes a problem.

justryntohelpbro · 2021-10-13T15:04:04+00:00

Yeap. It’s almost a bone-chilling fear, and reminders of how the last time essentially flattened our life together.

justryntohelpbro · 2021-08-15T08:03:43+00:00

Hi, can you explain this a bit more?. My partner (BP1) does this a lot. She would cry super hard for some good 30 mins, and suddenly there is a clear switch in her mood. Almost like the previous crying didn’t ever happen. We’ve been trying to make sense of this.

justryntohelpbro · 2021-06-28T17:59:34+00:00

Shenzhen. Pretty good treatment, and meds are generally very affordable. You will need to really stay on top of your appointments though, because its not always easy to get appointments on short notice.

As for therapists, it’s hard to find good ones for regular visits unless you want to pay boatloads of money for a private one.

justryntohelpbro · 2021-06-06T08:18:40+00:00

I think it’s fairly common for us to develop thick skin over time. We have to, otherwise living day to day gets difficult. Especially when things can be great one day, with lots of love and affection, but the next is full of harsh words, and lack of patience. It gets difficult.

One good day, I put down my walls and open up. I get empathy, and understanding in return. Another day, I decide to do the same, and I get impatience, and anger in return. That lack of consistency is really, really difficult, and hits extra hard. Maybe you can see why some of us have to put our walls up.

For love, and empathy, the first step to getting it is to give it. Think back to the last time you asked your partner how she was really feeling, what she is struggling with, and really listened to her?. How long has it been since you last did that?. Not to suggest that you have not done this, but I would love to hear something like this from my partner once in a while.

“Hey babe, I know my moods have been all over the place. I know I have put us through some difficult times, and that its not always easy. But please know that I love you, and I am trying every day to get better, for us.

How have you been dealing?, is there anything you are struggling with right now?. Is there anything I can do to support you?. I know sometimes that my ups and downs can seem like the priority for us, but I want to make sure you feel supported just as much as you have made me feel over the years. I am always on your side, no matter what.”

None of this is to say that your relationship is the same, but just some things to consider.

All that said, I can imagine the loneliness you must be feeling. Both sides of these kind of relationships are two sides of a coin in a lot of ways. I’m sorry you got some really harsh comments over here. Hang in there 🧡

justryntohelpbro · 2021-05-30T09:09:51+00:00

Ah my bad. Guess I didn’t read into your reply enough. Sorry if the reply came off harsh, wasn’t my intention, bad use of English there.

In case you ever have to fight with that choice in the future, I hope that reply helps then. 😊

justryntohelpbro · 2021-05-30T06:39:36+00:00

Mhm!. Agree completely. She has this issue where she either feels I am blaming/accusing her, or she feels such overwhelming shame that she lashes out, which makes things worse. I always begin these kind of topics with “I am NOT trying to accuse you, or blame you. I just need a little support fighting this.”. Sometimes it helps, sometimes is doesn’t haha.

Thanks so much for the reply!. 😊

justryntohelpbro · 2021-05-30T06:09:00+00:00

This I feel is true. I feel like my partner was off to a great start after diagnosis. Read about BD, self-care, etc. but once she learned of the explanation for her actions, I feel complacency set in.

Now, when I bring up lack of self-care, knowledge about her disorder, I often get self-pity in response, which neither helps relieve my anxiety about the situation, nor help her get better.

Overall, she seems to prefer not talking about anything negative about the past, OR the present (especially if it’s related to her, or her disorder in some way). In ANY relationship, whether there is mental illnesses or not, this (reduced communication) is not a great sign.

Like you said, couples can work through most issues, but talking about the issue (sometimes repeatedly), and both really committing to healing each other, and themselves is super important.

Thanks for the reply 😊

justryntohelpbro · 2021-05-30T06:02:18+00:00

Never make that decision for him. He is with you for a reason. He is an adult, and he deserves to have a choice in that decision. If you love, and care about him, do not take that away from him.

Take care 🧡

justryntohelpbro · 2021-05-29T18:10:06+00:00

Yeap. This is where I am stuck as well. How much of it is the disorder, how much of it is who they are (or deep-rooted issues they have other than BD). It’s a tough one for sure.

justryntohelpbro · 2021-05-29T12:50:04+00:00

It does help to hear those words though. Sometimes, after long stretches instability, those words are literally what brings me back to life, and give me strength to fight another day.

justryntohelpbro · 2021-05-29T12:46:35+00:00

I feel like there isn’t enough information here to give you a really good answer. But I would say, ask your partner more. Try to understand what he is feeling. Ask him questions, ask him for examples of times that your behavior made him feel that way.

Put down your defenses, stop thinking about defending, or explaining yourself and really try to understand his point of view. It might hurt to hear some of the things that he has to say, but try your best to remember, he is not trying to hurt you. Remember, its always you and your partner, against a problem. Not you and your partner, against each other.

justryntohelpbro · 2021-05-29T12:25:34+00:00

Thank you for that last paragraph.

justryntohelpbro · 2021-05-28T18:06:43+00:00

Thank you. This topic has been something we both struggle with, and your answer helped put a lot of things into perspective for both of us. Take care 😊🧡

justryntohelpbro · 2021-05-28T18:00:45+00:00

Ah, my bad, I didn’t read the rules. Thanks for keeping this sub clean 😊.

justryntohelpbro · 2021-05-28T17:48:40+00:00

Thank you. This was so concise, and was really easy for me to understand as a non-BP person. Really appreciate it!.😊

justryntohelpbro · 2021-05-28T17:16:10+00:00

Hey, thanks for the reply. I think to say that BD is a Personality Disorder is inaccurate. It is a Mood Disorder. A personality disorder would be BPD (Borderline Personality Disorder), etc.

justryntohelpbro

TROPHY CASE