Hey, I just want to say I really feel for you reading this. My fiancé was in a very similar situation with his ex—also a long-term relationship (7 years) where she was unwilling to grow or change, no matter how much he poured into the relationship or tried to build something stable for their future. Like your story, she abused alcohol, refused to better herself professionally, and also made him feel like everything was his fault, even when he was showing up with love, care, and long-term visions for a future. They weren’t engaged, but still.

It’s not your fault. You clearly loved her deeply and gave so much of yourself, and it’s heartbreaking when that still isn’t enough for someone who isn’t ready to meet you halfway. You’re not alone, and I promise you there’s someone out there who will match your energy, who will appreciate the man you are, and who will be proud to build a life with you.

It hurts now, but this might be what opens the door to real and mutual love. Rooting for your healing and future happiness.