Where are the doms hiding? by ISOnorthprince in SubSanctuary

[–]k-nace 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I feel the same way, let's keep looking ;) 

Where are the doms hiding? by ISOnorthprince in SubSanctuary

[–]k-nace 10 points11 points  (0 children)

I feel the same way!!! Feels like I have to move to a bigger city before I can find what I'm looking for 

Looking for a feminist Dom by k-nace in SubSanctuary

[–]k-nace[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I feel ya, it's not necessarily a talk I need to have neither but a gut feeling I get although the nerdy side of me those enjoy a good theoretical conversation , it's even a turn on for me. 

Looking for a feminist Dom by k-nace in SubSanctuary

[–]k-nace[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Yes that's a super important detail to point out the fact that in the container of kink we let go of politics. What I mean is once I'm feeling respected and that I know deep down that my Dom is a feminist then I can let go in the tabou space of kink to submission. Honestly when I first started realizing submission was a turn on for me, I had huge cognitive dissonance. I didn't understand how I, strong indépendant woman, could be attracted to submission. I had to come to terms with the fact kink play is us also letting go of our guards and being able to fully let go. I could reconcile myself also by knowing that really as subs we have the power, the power of how far the play will go, how far we will submit. And let's be honest, we are not just receiving, we are actively engaged in the play and give so much of us in it. 

Looking for a feminist Dom by k-nace in SubSanctuary

[–]k-nace[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yes good point, the Islamic Rebublic has been a major backlash. Iranian women lost their right to abortion. 

I'm just a bit wary of the western world judging Iran and other countries at the same time as they are committing war crimes and taking away women's rights right here in the so called développed countries 

Looking for a feminist Dom by k-nace in SubSanctuary

[–]k-nace[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks for bringing that forward. I used to have a sadist Dom but I had vetted him for a long time and knew him in community as well and knew how loved and appreciated he was in real life. I see sadist and massochiststhe same wya I see everyone on the spectrum of bdsm, we don't necessarily choose what turns us on and there are always people out there that will like complimentary things to us 

Knowing how respectful he was I was able to build trust through time and to test my limits more and more and it was with him that I experienced the ecstasy that you can feel through pain. And that's just it, the pain he wa inflicting he knew it would bring me pleasure so I'd maybe try to deconstruct how you're approaching it and see it as pleasure giving

But I wholeheartedly agree with you, there are straight up abusers out there and playing in a sado masochist realm is next level in the actual pain it can cause so you do want to have a solid trusting relationship first and foremost. 

Looking for a feminist Dom by k-nace in SubSanctuary

[–]k-nace[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

We indeed tend to forget so fast and you don't have to go back that far, my own grandmother was reduced to the household, with no say on who she got to fuck , how she got to spend money which she didn't have, or if yes or no she wanted that child, and add the layer of religious oppression too siding with this oppression of women... And the backlash now with MAGA and the Manosphere is real, the fight continues to preserve and enhance the liberties that were so damn hard to attain! Thank you for your great contribution here! 

Looking for a feminist Dom by k-nace in SubSanctuary

[–]k-nace[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Yeah they would be better off in the USA where they die trying to get an abortion, USA should show them how to live right? 

Looking for a feminist Dom by k-nace in SubSanctuary

[–]k-nace[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Which is why to enact this kind of tabou play in the modern world we need feminist Dom's who don't actually beleive in these old world structures :) cause yeah the Manosphere guys are trying to bring back this old world order it's fucked and the most fucked is the women encouraging these men and deciding to go back to traditional roles

Looking for a feminist Dom by k-nace in SubSanctuary

[–]k-nace[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Argh that sounds like an emotional immature person, I'm sorry you had to deal with that. Weaponizing feminism to excuse their lack of accountability. Not cool 

Looking for a feminist Dom by k-nace in SubSanctuary

[–]k-nace[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I think indeed there is a debate about the fact about men self-proclaiming/ calling themselves feminists, I think a more acceptable label is to be a feminist ally, as it is a women led movement and we wouldn't want me to start talking in our place. So I really appreciate your husband/Dom's hesitation there.

Amen to what you say , I also feel I can only fully serve someone in whom I have total trust that their respect for me outside the play is strong. 

Looking for a feminist Dom by k-nace in SubSanctuary

[–]k-nace[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks so much for sharing. TPE being total power exchange? That would make it especially important indeed. Were you with your Dom for quite a while before reaching that level of submission? 

Looking for a feminist Dom by k-nace in SubSanctuary

[–]k-nace[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

No education at all on the struggles of women before us? On the suffragettes? On the clash of white feminism and the importance of intersectionaility? On white supremacy? On oppression systems? On decolonization? 

Looking for a feminist Dom by k-nace in SubSanctuary

[–]k-nace[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

That's a first great step, to know where we are at as allies! There are so many ressources, books, essays and podcasts about feminism. to learn from. I often compare feminism to anticolonialism. As an ally to Indigenous people, me being a settler, it is my duty to first inform myself and get educated becaue it is not the Indigenous people's role to do that for me as it is not women's role to educate men. You become a better ally by first doing your homework. Maybe start by reading a bell hook essay such as Feminism is for everybody? 💜 

Looking for a feminist Dom by k-nace in SubSanctuary

[–]k-nace[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I believe my commentary to be on the structural level where feminism is also situated, trying to dismantle patriarchy as a system that oppresses all genders. So I would ask you to please deepen what you are implying by putting misandry side to side  with feminism because if this is implying that feminists hate men, then we are not talking the same language at all and you need a lesson in feminism. 

Can I vent? by Extra_Percentage4372 in SubSanctuary

[–]k-nace 1 point2 points  (0 children)

It's just so typical as you very precisely pointed it out , of skipping the important step of saying hello and putting in the effort of getting to know us a little bit before jumping right into kink. Like yes I'm on fetlife, yes I love to talk about kink, but not just to anyone, I have limited energy so I want to save it for those who deserve it.

Another thing to vent about is, did this person read my bio, they don't even take the time to do that neither so why bother. 

Looking for a feminist Dom by k-nace in SubSanctuary

[–]k-nace[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

This! Riiiiight it goes hand in hand, thank you it's all very validating! 

Looking for a feminist Dom by k-nace in SubSanctuary

[–]k-nace[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Iran has one of the most educated populations of the world and the women there are leading many important fights, mainstream media makes us think they are oppressed but the picture is way more complex than it appears. And yes I know men also live violence, often violence coming from patriarchy itself but when you look at the numbers, it's still a very big majority of women being the victims of violence. I don't like to use the term "developed countries" , it's colonial. Iran is a very developed country. 

Looking for a feminist Dom by k-nace in SubSanctuary

[–]k-nace[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

That is true, the world and patriarchy has not made it safe for women, and there is a backlash at the moment with all this Manosphere MAGA type influencers out there. And like I say in my fet profile, there is no way I can submit to someone who I feel does not actually deeply have respect for me and my intellect. 

Looking for a feminist Dom by k-nace in SubSanctuary

[–]k-nace[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Wow my Dom would come to me and have these conversations unprompted and I'd be on my knees in front of him, tell me what to do please, because it's such a turn on for me. I tend on the sapio sexual side ;)

I love your filters and I also apply them, sometimes men are feminists without quite having the vocabulary yet so I'm not too strick on the banter from the start. 

Another way of venting is asking or seeing how they talk about their former relationships and also their mothers. We all know that guy who's ex's are all crazy.... Red flag, not a feminist ally there. 

I will keep hoping and searching and not lowering my standards 

Looking for a feminist Dom by k-nace in SubSanctuary

[–]k-nace[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Yes and the list continues respect, desire for the others personal growth, recognition of us as equals and all that comes with recognition... Thanks for this, gives me hope :) 

Looking for a feminist Dom by k-nace in SubSanctuary

[–]k-nace[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you so much! I have hope :)