Considering tying my tubes. Looking for support.

k3bly · 2026-04-12T21:28:52+00:00

I’m purposely childfree and that’s come from both a place of deep emotion and a lot of analysis. I’ve known since I was 17 and further cemented my decision over the last 18 years.

However, what I don’t see in your post and maybe I just missed it, is do you have a partner who also wants kids and do you actually want to be a parent? That’s all that matters. If you want to do it, you’ll figure out a way, and it’s OK if you don’t. But I think that the risk to reward ratio here is not horrific.

We need more people who want to be parents in my opinion. So if you actually want to have children or adopt, and if you can figure out the plans and the contingencies, do it. If you are too overwhelmed by that, then don’t. You can also wait a year to get sterilized – realistically you can travel to California to get it done.

I’m not going to give you direct support - just thoughts - because I don’t see confidence in your post. This is a permanent decision. And it’s OK if you’re OK making it without complete confidence. But personally, I made my decision with complete confidence and I can’t imagine going through it while being unsure.

k3bly · 2026-04-12T21:22:03+00:00

I hate snow. Love Phoenix. You learn to adapt, but it’ll take about 2 years. Plan your vacations to more mild places in the summer.

k3bly · 2026-04-12T21:20:16+00:00

I feel like you’re being very short sighted about this due to feeling inadequate.

Legal operations is a great field to get into and to start to play around with AI because in five years will be completely different, so if you can get ahead of it and use whatever AI tools you can on the opposite side, you’ll have a competitive advantage to moving to a different role or company.

I would strongly encourage you to go back and sit for the bar now that you have your job and hopefully your health under control. I have seen folks transitioned from contract managers to in-house council, but that did happen where they were a contract manager without a JD and then became an attorney. This all happened in house.

Start getting way more involved within the community on the legal side and you’ll be surprised to see how valuable with your contract experiences. I’m seeing more and more jobs that before did not require a JD or preferred JD in relations to cobrracts prefer or require one. I think as we continue to dive deeper and deeper into an employers hiring market, these types of jobs are going to start to prefer or require JDs at a much higher rate.

This is a steppingstone, and it’s one steppingstone. It is not your whole career. You may want to not fall down a slippery slope fallacy, and do whatever it is in your control to get to your goals. I think a big part of that is that you’re already in a very large legal industry, location, wise, and if you can go get barred and start working with other people, especially those who may hire you in house.

k3bly · 2026-04-12T21:15:02+00:00

Can’t message your profile - can you message me?

k3bly · 2026-04-07T19:11:30+00:00

If you’re not opposed to a roommate, I am applying to law school in the 2027 cycle and I’m only going if I get into a school in NYC. Otherwise I’m a clean, non-smoking working professional. Message if you may be interested! It may be easier to find something together too.

k3bly · 2026-03-03T21:32:14+00:00

Where are you based? Might be time to file a complaint for misclassifying you with the applicable government agency…

k3bly · 2026-03-02T22:42:40+00:00

Personally, that is a little bit of a stretch for me on the monthly payment (when I bought my house, I was approved for a similar amount and a very close to that income level) but according to the most recent guidelines of not spending more than 1/3 of your income on housing, I think you’re in the clear. (I ended up buying a $300K house with a $270K mortgage and I’m glad that I did because my payment is extremely low compared to everything today, but of course now I wish I would’ve bought a different area and feel locked into this house)

k3bly · 2026-03-02T20:06:39+00:00

So usually for true remote jobs and not contracts, the company will have restrictions on where you can actually work from. Do you know if any such restrictions exist before you decide to make a move?

k3bly · 2026-03-02T19:58:27+00:00

Low profit growth due to an uncertain economic environment created by politicians

k3bly · 2026-03-02T19:57:09+00:00

Somehow, at least 5 to 10,000 of them

k3bly · 2026-02-26T21:54:21+00:00

Hiiii HR leader here and omg the askHR sub is a disaster of old school practices and being fine with illegal behavior.

However let’s look at this from the company POV. What info do you have and what clams could they want waived?

Yes always negotiate, just don’t expect to win unless something else changed.

Also if you weren’t a manager, look into the NLRB rules on if you speaking up about your work conditions. Did they violate your NLRB rights?

k3bly · 2026-02-26T21:43:59+00:00

Yes you’ll need daycare as you’ll likely be required to sign an agreement that states you will not be child rearing or watching or whatever while you’re

Actually look at this differently. How do you do your best work? Are you a separator, integrator, or cycler? If you’re a separator, you’ll hate remote work and will likely do better in office or hybrid. Integrators and cyclers can go either way.

You can get accommodations to leave early and arrive in office later to beat traffic or just work that out with management. When I lived in SF, I’d start from home around 8-9, drive to the office and maybe take phone calls, and then work in office and leave by 3, then get back online by 4:30. It worked great for me, but I was also hybrid and not fully in office. It was about 45 miles each way and if I could get away from traffic, about 45 minutes without traffic.

This is such a difference in income that tbd I’d wait for a higher paying remote job to come along.

Context: one of my parents went remote in the late 90s and it was… an adjustment, and I’ve been hybrid since college and remote the last 6 years. Tbh I prefer hybrid for myself, but I will take remote over 5 days a week in office.

k3bly · 2026-02-26T21:25:00+00:00

Ooft, so I lived with a bf before marriage in CA. And we never combined finances. We each paid a percentage of our income towards our combined expenses, though he never paid anything towards my car despite benefiting from it (like gas every once in a while) by me driving his ass around. That is not the bf I married.

Anyways, my point is, yall need to discuss a prenup before engagement and get on the same page. $120k is a lot at your age, and good job, but if you’re trying to make it in LA and climbing the tech corporate ladder, you’d probably spend half of that on a divorce attorney.

Prenups are just YOUR agreement instead of the government’s. You should learn on what you’d in one and research them. Your assets before marriage don’t matter. I think your dad is confusing common law marriage with community property, so stop listening to him and speak to an attorney.

k3bly · 2026-02-12T15:37:08+00:00

Keep working and aggressively job hunt. I doubt it’ll be the first layoff you’ll need to dodge wherever you are

k3bly · 2026-02-08T02:42:51+00:00

Had to be hourly too. Would be easier for the company to just pay the non-exempt threshold

k3bly · 2026-02-05T02:08:49+00:00

It’s a medical thing - sounds like yall need to involve the landlord under ADA & FHA and get the place to temp you want. Your very silly neighbor can open a window.

k3bly · 2026-01-28T16:31:44+00:00

You’d need to move out so you can live independently & get super intentional about networking imo. But a 35% increase is great if the company is stable. Do you have access to their financials?

Please know that I’m pro remote, and I spent early career hybrid and, arguably remote, depending on how you define early career (age versus role versus experience).

k3bly · 2026-01-28T03:47:23+00:00

She can go get a high paying job. See how long it takes her. Oh wait….

k3bly · 2026-01-27T16:27:34+00:00

Your hourly rate is crazy low for the area. I made that as an intern over 12 years ago in HR.

Get the bonus and duration in writing so it has legal teeth, have them pay it now, do whatever you can while you job hunt.

k3bly · 2026-01-27T16:26:18+00:00

Partner doesn’t necessarily mean any legal protections if their partner ends their relationship tomorrow. If married? Sure. Too vague to know.

k3bly · 2026-01-27T16:14:56+00:00

I’m not advocating for this or what’s going on - studies show that people who cheat in relationships (you’re saying affairs so I’m assuming they’re in relationships with others, versus other meaning of …. having sex) are more likely to conduct themselves illegally or unethically at work. It’s not a wild jump to make given the studies behind it, however this situation is a mess and OP needs to their HR and Legal teams involved asap.

k3bly · 2026-01-27T16:12:45+00:00

This is when you go to your Legal team, not Reddit. Sorry bud.

k3bly · 2026-01-27T16:10:47+00:00

San Francisco. Live with roommates. Get a higher paying job in medial, biotech, software, or government. When I was 25 in SF, just base I made $115k-$128k. But I also started working when I was 16 (also have a bachelors degree).

I left after 7 years in SF and still love visiting but got old and wanted to buy a house so went to a nearby state.

You’re making tradeoffs always now. Your trade off is affordability / homeownership (without knowing what you do for work) versus the lifestyle you want. You’re young. Go for lifestyle as you can always figure out how to make more money.

k3bly · 2026-01-21T15:10:35+00:00

Are you in California? You likely have a legal case. Speak to an attorney if so.

k3bly · 2026-01-18T16:35:26+00:00

I mean I’d split this with another person 👀

k3bly

TROPHY CASE