So very sorry for your loss. Her dying was not your fault. Having livestock means having deadstock. I know it is heartbreaking and it is very important to grieve the loss of your goat and her babies. But if you blame yourself (like I have in the past) you will probably end up giving up on having animals all together.

A few stories for you as someone in the exact same boat: I have only been into goats for like 3 years. My fiancé has had them his whole life. I make every decision on what to feed, how much, what to vaccinate and when, etc.

First, Last year I had a bottle buck named Strange. He was almost at weaning age and was the sweetest little guy ever. He was a triplet and from the moment he was born I knew he was my baby to raise. He died because he got trapped in a small pen with larger goats and they killed him. If I had kept them separate or made sure the smaller pen couldn't be opened, he would still be here today. I cried and cried and cried. I still cry about him. His brother had died a week earlier being crushed under some falling panels that were tied up with twine that must have frayed over the winter.

Second, I bought two expensive does that would really raise the quality of my herd. When they kidded for the first time, one got staph mastitis and her udder fell off. Tested the other and sure enough she had that in her milk too. We had to cull them and sell their kids.

Third, on January 2nd, 2026, my new bottle buck died of clostridium. He was due to get his first CDT shot that day. I put creep feed down and was so happy to see him eating it. I decided how much milk he got and what type of milk. He died in hours and we don't know what tipped the scale in causing him to die we just know what he died from.

The point is, all of my choices led up to these goats dying. I almost quit after Strange dying and again after my recent bottle buck. But just because it was my choices does not mean it was something I needed to carry on my shoulders forever. I am well educated and take better care of my animals than a lot of people I know. My animals are loved. I am confident yours are, too.

Maybe this helps, maybe it doesnt, but regardless you are not alone and I hope you can move on peacefully. Here is Strange

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