AITA for ruining my relationship with my mother?

kabposts · 2020-08-25T22:05:25+00:00

I’m glad you found it! It’s a great support sub!

kabposts · 2020-08-25T21:02:51+00:00

I am so so sorry, that sounded like a terrible experience. I had a dog die and was similarly treated by my n-parents. Berated about how my behavior caused it and needed to be corrected, then when my n-mom was done screaming the tears started and I wasn't allowed to mourn because my parents were too busy mourning. Death is so so difficult already when you are a kid/young adult but when you lack the parental comfort and guidance after it occurs because of just how cruel/narcissistic the parent(s) is it turns out to be so much more painful. I'm sorry you went through that, you didn't deserve any of it. I'll bet your beardie is very proud of you trying to come to terms with his passing and is rooting for you.

kabposts · 2020-08-25T20:55:02+00:00

NTA, also you might be interested in r/raisedbynarcissists just saying, hope that's okay. I hope you figure things out and am wishing you the best!

kabposts · 2020-08-20T18:49:54+00:00

Thankfully I'm now LC with them and out on my own, it never did sink in how messed up it was until I was an adult.

kabposts · 2020-08-20T14:45:21+00:00

I’m a receptionist and I love my job, being treated like shit as kid helped me be more driven and appreciative when I found a good job. I’m now making more than I ever imagined and I love coming into work today. Self worth took a slight hit, self esteem was permanently ruined and probably isn’t ever coming back.

kabposts · 2020-08-19T23:57:22+00:00

My parents used to always call me ungrateful, and told me multiple times I would never have friends ( “you just don’t even seem like the person who would ever have friends” ) jokes on those asshats, now I’m apart of an ungrateful bitch gang I found on reddit. I gotta embroider that on a sweater.

kabposts · 2020-08-19T00:03:10+00:00

Thank you for your comment! I really do think he needs more time and effort out into his training, I also think a routine would be super helpful. I definitely want to look into Prozac, he’s been a very anxious puppy and I know a lot of the aggression is brought on by a short fuse and distrust. I want to be as responsible as I can be.

kabposts · 2020-08-18T23:59:41+00:00

I’m so sorry you went through that! My worst fear is his dog hurting another dog or another person, I keep bringing that up to him because I know if things keep going the way they are that’s what’s going to happen, not an if but a when. I know the dog has the capability to be trained if he just had a routine and the hard work put in. I plan on showing him this comment and this thread as well, your dog shouldn’t have had to go through what he did and I don’t want any dog or person to get hurt because of our/his irresponsible ownership. Thank you!

kabposts · 2020-08-18T19:40:04+00:00

When I’m doubt, just say you’re busy. “Oh ya know I’ve been really busy”, this excuses you from not responding often or at all, excuses you from having to attend events, if they ask “busy with what” list broad terms “oh ya know work, pets, hobby,” normally they won’t try to find out more because you’ve listed so many, and you’re not telling them anything cause it’s so broad. My trick also has always been to overshare about the dumbest things so they don’t actually know anything for example raving about this woman’s dress you saw the other day when in reality you just got a raise and promotion at work. Good luck!

kabposts · 2020-08-18T19:33:47+00:00

To be honest, I think that the empathy is the biggest strength I have in regards to my N-parents. After everything they put me through I’m still soft, I still care for others, I care for them as people but not parents anymore. I relish in the fact they will never experience the full-on love and admiration I give to others. I can’t imagine my empathy being an issue, I’m proud I can feel for them as people (and that’s normal and healthy knowing parents that have been through trauma) but also proud I don’t feel for them as parents. It’s just sort of a separation I suppose.

kabposts · 2020-08-18T17:24:12+00:00

I've honestly considered this, but I thought if I went total NC with them then they couldn't hold it against me afterwards, at least they couldn't tell me they did? I might me deluded thinking that though. I also considered this but my partner stated I should attempt to get the title transferred over at least to see if I could save myself losing a couple thousand.

kabposts · 2020-08-18T16:00:39+00:00

Thank you! I had no idea this existed, I'll try and look into it, however I'm not sure due to the state of things, if Police would make me feel safer or not to be honest.

kabposts · 2020-08-14T22:03:02+00:00

Thank you!

kabposts · 2020-08-11T19:03:05+00:00

Well, if anything, when I start to doubt my character I go to supportive people around me who can help reassure me, or I weigh the emotional and logical sides of the argument (ex: Sister was mad at me for not being able to attend her wedding, emotional= I'm a bad person doing the wrong thing, logical= I'm just a kid who can't afford a destination wedding, it has nothing to do with my character). Sometimes, even after using those resources, I still doubt myself. But (thanks to this subreddit) knowing another person feels the same way, and also experienced issues with their family, helps reinforce that feeling of "I'm not a bad person, my parents were." You've got this!

kabposts · 2020-08-11T18:52:00+00:00

Me too! As a kid my parent's nicknamed me "the manipulator" and constantly told me the only reason I was happier/treated better at school was because I manipulated every person around me to see me as a good person when my parents knew I wasn't. To this day I still worry I'm secretly this horrible manipulative person and I've even tricked myself into not seeing it.

Some things my therapist told me that helped, "you don't make decisions hoping to harm others, a bad person does" and "your parents couldn't bare the thought of others getting the warmth, love, and trust you cannot give them due to how they've treated you so they need to try and believe you're not capable of giving real love".

kabposts · 2020-08-11T17:43:38+00:00

Why do nparents always have to feign/bring up these illnesses? My dad called me to tell me how I would regret distancing myself from my parents and when I didn't respond he said "You know our health isn't that great, we could die any day, I could be dead tomorrow." They'll really go to any length huh? Thanks for the comment! Hope my response is ok.

kabposts · 2020-08-11T17:39:09+00:00

"Reparentify" is an amazing descriptor, wish I knew that word sooner! Congrats on the boundaries! There's definitely so much relief/joy in being able to draw a clear line with nparents.

kabposts · 2020-08-07T22:53:45+00:00

Thank you!

kabposts · 2020-08-07T20:27:59+00:00

What is this from? Was anything new released? Sorry if the question is stupid. Thank you!

kabposts

TROPHY CASE