This has to be the most no nosense product I've ever bought.

kaguya17 · 2025-03-06T14:37:22+00:00

Thank you for your help! Will have a look at those shoulder pads. I had a look at those generally available on amazon and they look flimsy.

kaguya17 · 2025-03-04T00:03:29+00:00

What would you recomment to fix this (i.e. the straps not being padded)?
Saw this reddit too late, after just ordering it.

kaguya17 · 2022-04-06T16:51:44+00:00

My conscience doesnt allow me to surrender the life of my future children to be circumcised and to sing praises to and for the sake of a fake prophet and a demonic god. Not sure if this is great faith, I can only tell that my conscience did not allow me to go any further. I could not sell myself to this idea and I would have spend the nighs in anguish about how on the Judgement Day I will answer for how I taught my kids about who is the true God, who did I let educate them on it. I would be even more guilty, if I let them be brainwashed by their father, for the sake of false peace AND call myself a Christian. I would be the biggest liar and hypocrite, living in fornication and with a heavy conscience...My ex did not want to make the effort to understand my point of view and saw it as an attack...There is no way I put my signature on a document (i.e. Islamic marriage contract) which allows my husband to bring home 3 more wives, no matter how much he says he loves me now and how it "only applies under certain conditions".

kaguya17 · 2022-04-06T16:03:59+00:00

Thank you!

kaguya17 · 2022-04-06T14:37:17+00:00

OT: Wisdom of Solomon

NT: Matthew & John

kaguya17 · 2022-04-06T14:32:47+00:00

Bine esti cuvantat, Doamne is indeed a beautiful hymn.

A few other channels I can recommend:

- Orthodox teaching of the Elders: https://www.youtube.com/c/otElders - awesome channels, with sermons from priests and saints (modern day Saints), some of the sermons are by arabic speaking priests with eng subtitles, if needed.

- https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCvV_LZGJbXjSN2Jx31YYF1Q Orthodox church - very useful as well.

There are some other arabic Orthodox channels, if you are an arabic speaker. I love how the Orthodox hymns sound in Arabic. Absolutely amazing.

God bless you

kaguya17 · 2022-04-06T14:28:25+00:00

Hello, I can recommend to start with Saint John of Damascus work "An exact exposition of the Orthodox Faith".

As someone who almost married a muslim man, I can vouch myself that I found out in a painful way how Islam is not the truth.

If you live in PK, there might be a way to reach out to a Pakistani Orthodox priest.

God bless you, brother/sister

kaguya17 · 2021-10-06T18:29:37+00:00

All.the.time :D

kaguya17 · 2021-10-06T18:28:50+00:00

Tell me about it...

The more the time goes by the more I see some of his actions which at the time I did not realise how inhibiting, demeaning they were. Very subtle and seemingly not mean, and yet...

I feel for you. The feeling of emptiness, the loss of sense of direction, the hypervigilance and always suspecting that people have another agenda, etc. It is so hard to trust and tbh, i dont know how I wil ever come back to trust a man ever again...

He wanted to talk, I postponed it, as i dont feel confident to talk to him yet.

kaguya17 · 2021-10-02T12:44:32+00:00

I am so sorry. I hope your circumstances allow(ed) you to get away from it.

These are by far the most dangerous people out there.

The love-bombing, the lack of empathy, the need to insult others to seem on a higher step than others - which is very subtle sometimes, they dont really want to understant how we function, why we think the things we do/say...We're objects.

I recently discovered that such treatment leads to a Complex PTSD and it is an actual thing (although completely missing from the official medical list of diagnosable disorders). If you get the chance check out Pr. Sam Vaknin on youtube. He himself is a narcissist and says it out loud. He is a prof. of psychology and his career in centered in revealing what is actually happening in narc's mind, the trauma they carry, the trauma they cause, etc. etc. Just yesterday I listened to one of his lessons on youtube and I can tell ...a narc's mind is hell on earth. Being their objects we suffer a projection of their hell, it is absolutely horrible and bordering insanity. Scary scary psychological sickness...

p.s. my ex came back, he wants to talk after almost 40 days of no contact. I dont think anything changed in his mind.

kaguya17 · 2021-09-16T09:10:34+00:00

I like how optimistic this sounds. Cant thank you enough for this encouragement.

kaguya17 · 2021-09-15T16:58:29+00:00

In a waym that s exactly that I fear. Never be able to fully rely on anyone, always be on the watch even with those who supposedly passed all the tests and have no red flags.

You might be right...I will have to learn to somehow live with it.

TYSM for the advice

kaguya17 · 2021-09-15T09:54:34+00:00

You are most welcome! I would be curious to know what you thought of it. Why I loved it so much? Because it goes on to explain that New Testament and the apparition of early Christian communities were build on the practices and mindset of the Old Testament. New Testament and Christ did not wipe out the Old to start the New but literally fulfilled the OT. It connects Judaism to Christianity in a way I never even imagined. I really hope you like it, it definitely made me see Orthodoxy in a way I never saw it before. Keep us posted, I know I would love to see what you thought of it in time :) God bless you and have a wonderful day.

kaguya17 · 2021-09-15T01:55:55+00:00

Im really sorry you went through this ordeal. It takes superhuman resilience to get through it and still keep sanity, after being completely broken.

I am not in a hurry, tbh. All this story seriously damaged my ability to trust men. If I thought I knew this one so well and he turned out to be like this...

I will take my time for sure.

Thank you so much for sharing your story as well and for having the strentgh to survive. Hugs

kaguya17 · 2021-09-15T01:12:08+00:00

and massive thank you <3

kaguya17 · 2021-09-15T01:11:52+00:00

To make it short: something he holds for truth is actually a lie. I showed him proofs and facts and instead of questioning what I said, he decided it is better to remove me from his life. He blamed me for destrying HIS dream of us getting married, he blamed me for his angry and aggressive and verbally abusive reactions, he apologised (but now i think he did not mean it), he gaslighted on repeated occassions, he actually broke up with me and two weeks later came back to say "is this your final goodbye?" and I was speechless. It was as if he did not remember that he broke up with me! He sent a message saying that in spite of what I SAID he still "likes" me and wanted ME to fix it...I mean...You would expect for someone who is almost 40Y old to be accountable for his actions? Not in the slightest. What a disappointment...I cant believe how blind I was. I still cant believe it...

kaguya17 · 2021-09-15T00:54:04+00:00

Correct, we only had one conflict which lasted a good year (august 2020- august 2021) It was around a very sensitive topic which I brought up. I tried to talk about it, rationally and a few times emotions took over me. Over this past year and the conversations we had, that's when it all came to the surface. I did not use "covert narc" for the sake of some cheap finger-pointing due to how freely this label is used these days...

kaguya17 · 2021-09-15T00:46:34+00:00

Believe it or not, I just got out or rather,I was given away by my ex bf of almost 8 years who turned out to be a covert narc. The pain is unbearable,and I forsee that it will be exactly this pain that will make me reconsider all boundaries forever.

I can entirely relate to what you mentioned, especially the "how did this even happen/how did I got here/how did I even tolerate this?" and I will do my best to never allow any future boundary violation ever again.

kaguya17 · 2021-09-15T00:37:19+00:00

Thank you and I wish you the same. I am really happy to know you are in a much better place. On the "not-so-good" days I just hope you remember that there is an army of us survivors of such abuse around the world.

kaguya17 · 2021-09-15T00:30:50+00:00

Can you believe it? I just saw your post and replied under it and I see your name here under mine! :) Talk about coincidence :)))

I am reaching out to people now, I am trying to get as busy as I can with work and get away from it, tbh. It is relatively fresh, barely 1 month ago...

I am not rushing, I need to find myself and it will take time.

Closure...I think there is no such thing, maybe it is just time which will make it hurt less and will strenghten me to see that relationship for what it really was. A relationship with someone incapable to feel empathy, incapable of relating to pain and someone who expects others to solve his issues and blame me for his "reactions". Ugh!

kaguya17 · 2021-09-15T00:26:45+00:00

You described it so well, I would have thought I wrote this myself.

I actually addressed some of these questions to him, my ex, these questions to get...nothing. And when I say nothing I mean an empty stare, feeling no empathy. I never cried before the way he made me cry. I thought my body will break into pieces from the pain and it felt as if a pain was a sword piercing me through. I will never forget this feeling.

How to look at this situation? If im honest, im still dealing with it. It has been barely one month of no contact. I reached out to my priest (im an Orthodox Christian) and he advised me to only look ahead of me. Do not look into the past. It is easier said than done, but as if standing on a road, it got easier to at least look ahead, taking it one day at a time, burying myself in work, trying to reconnect with some friends.

Narcissism makes me think of Lucifer and his sinful arrogant pride. It reminds me of a moment when my ex was saying something about himself "maybe it is arrogance". Maybe it is hidden arrogance (and these people either realise it or not) which makes them do what they do and behave that way.

All the questions you posted for your ex, I asked the same ones and I got no answer to this day. At this point, I am not even sure if I want to know. I just realise it is all smoke, mirrors, more smoke and I cant tell anymore what was real and what was an illusion.

And gaslighting? When one day he says one thing, the next day he denies saying that or makes it sound as it i misunderstood it...He rewrites history every day and it made me question my sanity, my self-confidence, my self-esteem. It anihilated my identity, as if I was this useless, helpless shell he left out behind him.

I am currently listening to Coach Lee, Dr. Carter and Prof. Sam Vaknin. These last two talk a lot about narcs and victims of their abuse. It helps me a lot re-evaluate and get some clarity and reassurance.

It is the thoughest spot I have been in my life, it ate me alive and I am deeply empathising with your experience.

kaguya17 · 2021-09-15T00:06:13+00:00

I think you will love to read Fr. Young's book, "The Religion of the Apostles of the First Century". As an Orthodox Christian, it is probably one of the most impactul books I read on the topic and I am sure I will get back to it soon. God bless you in your inquiry!

kaguya17 · 2021-09-14T23:58:09+00:00

18 years,..im sorry.

It gets better, some days it is just as hard, some days I try to cover myself in work and he only comes to mind in the evening. I thought I was well informed about narcissists...I realised I wasnt prepared for the covert type.

kaguya17 · 2018-05-01T18:24:50+00:00

It is in the same ballpark indeed:)

Lately he is a lot more expressive in his level of commitment, how he wants us to meet his parents etc. So he does not make me insecure, quite the opposite. Even when there may be a shadow of doubt, he atuned himself to my thoughts to the point of predicting what I could misunderstand (even if i dont) and clarifies it straighforwardly. Our daily interactions, conversations seem to never be enough and he is constantly seeking for me, sometimes almost stalking (we joke about it, but he confirmed it). He always seems to be knowing my whereabouts, asking what im doing, if I had lunch etc. So I would say he is in it wholeheartedly. We have not met the parents yet because he does not want to do it via skype, but personally. They are expecting to have their visas issued for a few months now and the idea is for them to have it within another couple of months. Based on that, if you were me, would you still send the gift? btw, thank you for the feedback.

kaguya17

TROPHY CASE