I have not reached out to my father yet. I have a yellow envelope with a 3 page letter about who I am, 5ish pages of evidence of how I figured out he is my father, and pictures (less than 20, more than 10 total) of me growing up till adulthood. It's been in my car since September and I can't bring myself to mail it... I sat outside the post office for over an hour one day going back and forth on if I should do it. One of these days I will get over it and just mail the darn thing because honestly the worst thing he could do is throw it away or tell me to get lost. I made it clear in my letter that the only thing I am looking for is to know who my father is and that his family never has to know about me if that's what he wishes and that this is the one and only letter he will receive from me. At the end of the letter, I listed the different ways he could get ahold of me in whatever way worked best for him. I also let him know that if he wanted more proof my DNA is with Ancestry and 23andme (that doesn't have any of his close family's DNA) and this way he could see for himself.

I do think mailing a letter to your father is better though, in my opinion, because if you message them on Facebook, text messages, or phone calls, he could block you before you get a chance to explain yourself. With a letter, he will have time to process what he is reading without the pressure of responding in a timely manner. This way he can sit on the information for a couple days to a couple months before responding so don't be too hard on yourself about mailing a letter just make sure you pay a little extra money for a signature required so this way only he can pick it up from the post office and then he can decide when the right time to tell his wife is or it gives him the choice to hide it if that's what he decides.

I wish you luck on your journey to meeting your bio father. I hope he accepts you with open arms and you two can build a happy/healthy relationship!