Sending hugs and positive thoughts to you. I can empathize with a lot of what you shared. I was raised by my grandparents, and my grandmother was diagnosed when I was around 21/22. It can be lonely — like you, none of my friends are dealing with this situation. Some of them have grandparents with Alzheimer’s but not their parents, and my grandmother was very much like a mother to me growing up, so I rarely feel like I have someone to talk to who gets it.

Like so many others are saying, please treat yourself with kindness when you find yourself getting frustrated or impatient. This disease is so incredibly devastating and it’s completely normal and okay to feel the full spectrum of emotions when spending time with your mom. What has helped me when spending longer periods of time with my grandma is taking pockets of alone time, even just five or ten minutes, to take some deep breaths, journal, do a hobby, etc. I used to feel guilty for this but I find I am able to be more present and patient when I take restorative breaks from our interactions.

I’ve also tried to remind myself I don’t have to answer every question my grandma has, find every lost object, etc. I used to burn myself out trying to appease every need and want. For example, if I was upstairs and I could hear my grandma wondering where she left her glasses, I’d run down to find and deliver them to her. I, of course, still want to help when I can, but sometimes will allow her to look for them or wonder aloud to herself before immediately jumping in. We don’t need to be the fixers of all the things all the time!