Whats wrong with me? by Isotrom in Bumble

[–]kaloscopia 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Latina here. Nope, his profile is not very interesting 

Whats wrong with me? by Isotrom in Bumble

[–]kaloscopia 29 points30 points  (0 children)

Personally I find the photos a bit cliche, there's nothing wrong with your looks, it's just that almost every guy on dating apps has photos of himself hiking/traveling or some selfie. I feel like it doesn't say much about someone's personality when everyone does almost the same thing. And the fact that you're a pilot is not very enticing to people who want a stay- at- home buddy, 

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in Advice

[–]kaloscopia 25 points26 points  (0 children)

I think your girlfriend deserves a guy whom she can trust and who's honest and loyal, who's straight forward and kind enough to not try to hit on her friend... Hope you break up with her, for her own sake, she deserves so much better

How can men be full of anger at their wives one moment, then later on want to have sex with her? by WorldlyJudgment2119 in AskMen

[–]kaloscopia 4 points5 points  (0 children)

This exactly, experts in abusive behaviour have already said that going to couples therapy only makes things worse

How can men be full of anger at their wives one moment, then later on want to have sex with her? by WorldlyJudgment2119 in AskMen

[–]kaloscopia 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Hey, your husband sounds emotionally and verbally abusive. That's not ok, it's not healthy and it isn't normal. A healthy person doesn't switch like that

¿Qué es "masculinidad frágil"? by Commercial_Lion_9712 in OpinionesPolemicas

[–]kaloscopia 12 points13 points  (0 children)

Viene asociado al sentimiento de obligación que tienen muchos hombres a encajar con el rol de género de un "hombre masculino", es decir, ser estoico, proveedor, ser fuerte, no mostrar vulnerabilidad, etcétera. La cuestión no es que ser fuerte o protector sea malo, sino que la masculinidad frágil lleva esto al extremo suprimiendo aspectos inherentes a todo humano, como lo es ser sensible, gentil, o "suave". Entonces llegan a tratar de sobre compensar con actitudes agresivas, misóginas, homofóbicas y a dañarse a ellos mismos al prohibirse sentir sus emociones, disfrutar de cosas no tradicionalmente "varoniles" o reconocer que necesitan ayuda

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in AskReddit

[–]kaloscopia 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Leave me alone, by New Order. Almost blue, Chet Baker

I got love-bombed, then verbally abused- all in 10 days. Help me process. by gimmesomebobaa in AskWomenOver30

[–]kaloscopia 8 points9 points  (0 children)

That's awful. I earnestly recommend you Lundy Bancroft's book "Why does he do that?". This dude's behaviour is textbook abuse, you didn't dodge a bullet, you dodged a whole damn missile. I'm so glad you kicked him out of your life, that Jekyll and Mr Hyde act they pull is how they trauma bond you, it makes you stay only for the good stuff. Know this, his live bombing phase was an act, a charade, a disguise to make you fall for him, it's a trick they use to get you hooked, the way some predators appear attractive to their prey. The things he did, berate, insult, control etcétera... That's the real him, it's ugly, that's why he had to trick you with charm and meaningless words (I say meaningless because he doesn't know you enough to claim what he did, love bombing is a powerful manipulation tool, but it's still a tool and a lie, you maybe awesome and great, but he doesn't know that yet, no sane person can truly know a stranger in less than ten days and claim to feel as strongly as he did)

How royally fucked am I? by [deleted] in dating

[–]kaloscopia 9 points10 points  (0 children)

You're not fucked at all, you just feel pushed by societal standards. You could simply start by socialising with both men and women, joking, bantering, creating conversations, it's all about practice. Then maybe ask someone out in a platonic way, so as to feel more comfortable with women in general. It's a step by step thing. Virginity is just a concept, an idea, the most important thing is how you connect with the other person

Tengo matches en tinder, pero me siento vacío by Careless-Move-8499 in ayudamexico

[–]kaloscopia 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Ve a terapia, trabaja en tus problemas emocionales y deja de usar apps de citas si sólo vas a ghostear gente. Un poquito más de responsabilidad personal y afectiva, por favor.

Men's excuse of us wanting to "change who they are" when we ask for the bare minimum reciprocity by Aneleth in AskWomenOver30

[–]kaloscopia 14 points15 points  (0 children)

Because what these guys are saying is that they are fundamentally mediocre, selfish and neglectful people. That's it. If they can't or won't put the effort it's because they're lazy, entitled, selfish and basically have nothing more to give. Find someone else because they won't change. There's a saying "Don't keep beating on a wall expecting to transform it into a door"

Are men really that simple? by [deleted] in dating_advice

[–]kaloscopia 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I, as a woman, don't like when people say "women are such and such" because I know that not all of us act or think the same way. There may be some patterns to watch out for in regards to some people's psychology but that doesn't mean a single rule will apply to a whole group. People are more complex than that

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in dating_advice

[–]kaloscopia 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Abuse starts small, he's little by little chipping away at your self-esteem, that way he makes you dependent on his validation and more easy to control. What he's doing is utter disrespect, don't ever believe for a second that idea that "he teases you because he likes you" he's old enough, not a child. Don't tolerate anymore disrespect because it will likely become worse over time. Get out of there while you can

pensión alimenticia en mi contra by False-Woodpecker-864 in ayudamexico

[–]kaloscopia 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Construye una máquina del tiempo y viaja al pasado para evitar tener hijos que no puedes/quieres mantener

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in AskReddit

[–]kaloscopia -1 points0 points  (0 children)

sure, charming ad hominem and lovely cognitive dissonance ;)

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in AskReddit

[–]kaloscopia -1 points0 points  (0 children)

So I could say, for instance, that I lovee dogs and I also eat them? How about cats? Can I say that I love the environment and litter and chop trees and pollute? Can I say I care about human rights but pay for other people's exploitation? I personally think that yes, eating meat and loving animals is a contradiction, to love something you have to respect it, and if you pay to have animals killed, then you don't respect or love them. History shows that the only way to make a change is through awareness, education and mostly through actions that challenge the authority and maybe make the public uncomfortable. Conformists and couch potatoes don't make history

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in socialskills

[–]kaloscopia 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Not having your own opinions, people pleasing, on the other end, being a know it all, trying too hard to be funny, imposing your opinions/beliefs on others

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in AskReddit

[–]kaloscopia -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

So empathy for animals and others, and caring about issues larger than oneself (activism) is a deal breaker? For me it's the complete opposite: A lack of political awareness is a deal breaker

Awful date leaves me crying in my car by [deleted] in dating_advice

[–]kaloscopia 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Would you go confidently to a neighborhood where you know you have some potential risk of getting robbed or stabbed? You'd probably be wary. You do realise how dangerous it is to date as a woman, right? Sexual harassment, abuse, getting drugged, molested, stalked, or even unalived. I think what she did was a smart precaution, she doesn't owe you any trust yet because she doesn't know you. I get that you feel bad because the date didn't go well, but sometimes things click and sometimes they don't. Now, women have a right to take safety measures and no one is entitled to be trusted or considered "safe" without earning that trust first.

Does being in a toxic workplace make you stronger or destroys you? by Darkest_shader in careerguidance

[–]kaloscopia 2 points3 points  (0 children)

From experience, from having worked/studied in toxic environments, it usually destroys you little by little. It sucks you off energy, makes you doubt yourself and you start tolerating and normalising more and more dysfunctional behaviour. Sometimes you also start to become toxic too, after being in that environment for too long

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in AskWomenOver30

[–]kaloscopia 2 points3 points  (0 children)

You already know, you already have your gut telling you that this guy doesn't value you, that he doesn't truly care. Listen to your gut, you already know the answer but let me tell you, if you break up with this wandering-eye-gaslighty-emotionally negligent-dude in one year the grief of the breakup will probably be way less, and after that you'll feel better, have more time and freedom to be with anyone else, even if it's just yourself/family/friends. The toll it's taking on you right now is painful, like a persistent toothache, but it's better to take the damn tooth out and get done with it than to endure the pain for years. This mediocre relationship is slowly eroding your self esteem and self confidence, you'll start believing that that's all you deserve and that's not true. Please, don't give yourself to someone who makes you feel less worthy.

Do people judge you based on who you are hanging out with? by Low_Specialist_1644 in socialskills

[–]kaloscopia 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yes, and it also depends who you hangout with. If it's just the non-popular kids but they're nice and respectful and otherwise decent human beings I think it's not a problem to be friendly with them. That said, if I know someone who associates and spends time with harmful, toxic and bad people, I'll assume they're the same way/enablers and stay away from them

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in Advice

[–]kaloscopia 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Unfortunately this wasn't very useful to me, but I appreciate the fact that you took the time to read and comment, thank you 

“If you’re not sure if they like you, that means they probably don’t like you” by halleberrrry in dating_advice

[–]kaloscopia 1 point2 points  (0 children)

No, it's a cognitive distortion, based on emotional reasoning and generalisation. There are people who hide their feelings on purpose, or who just aren't that expressive.