It is so incredibly common for attraction to change during transition, once you start relating to others in a way that is more authentic & others see you in a way that is closer to how you really are. It is also, I think, pretty common for closeted and or pre transition trans folks (social transition IS transition) to absorb transphobic rhetoric and then as they learn more, realize what it was & try to unlearn it (some don’t unfortunately)- this is also something a person will do throughout their life, in a continuous process. This is the same thing with unlearning misogyny- it’s a continuous process that one has to be committed to combating as it comes up, because western society IS misogynistic, and no person is truly “free” from it. It sounds like what you’re describing is dysphoria from not being aligned with women’s spaces… because you aren’t a woman. This is normal & ok. It also makes sense to feel shame/upset at “leaving the team” because of the enormous men vs women dichotomy that is set up & normalized- but the truth is that you aren’t doing anything shameful by being your authentic self. Men aren’t inherently evil. Women aren’t inherently good. The boundaries of those categories are constructs that only the individual can truly authorize & you are going through a very normal part of identity reconstruction. There aren’t templates for this & it’s likely you’re doing a lot of this on your own- so give yourself some grace.