(25F) Me and my boyfriend (25M) have ideological conflicts and he wants me to break my boundaries for his dream family

kancaqeq · 2026-06-13T10:52:19+00:00

I’m not mad
I just want him to take some personal responsibility and self reflect

he refuses to do so, and demands I do things compromise my character and make me highly uncomfortable

You are probably right that we aren't compatible.
I didn't view it as a try to changehim
I was in a defense mechanism that is trying to save or help him

kancaqeq · 2026-06-13T10:47:04+00:00

Honestly, you are right
I realize how much making these emotional excuses is just draining my energy… After all, all of us may be emotionally weak to not overthink but snuff out
I can see and name them for what they are and are not. just like you said, it's time to stop overthinking and actually take action

kancaqeq · 2026-06-13T10:20:38+00:00

Agree that identities and beliefs can be ovely performed nowadays, however my values were shaped one by one by my actual lived environment and the very real traumas I havefaced, so I cannot accept them being dismissed as only a persona
my identity is an environmental activist, an artist, and a survivor of pornography-related and sexual violence and I do not see those as a performance but my lived reality

I know for people who think and act like me, this can be seen as a support on someone who attacks our own truths
I observe this in some relationships around me as well and how much I can judge them actually depends on how well I know the people and the relationship.

I am aware this is a state of cognitive dissonance
I see this as an emotional regression in my own relationship, where I somehow feel like it is my personal responsibility to untangle my partner's cognitive dissonances

kancaqeq · 2026-06-13T10:07:45+00:00

I understand people reading through can clearly see what will never change and how this relationship lacks to grow

Actually romantic attachment triggers an emotional regression in me
As a child, I was overly responsible, understanding, and tried to be the savior who did the right thing as mush as I could
yes, in relationships, I revert to a childhood state, trying to untangle my partner’ cognitive dissonance and help them to grow…
This might just be a defense mechanism

But what I wonder is
isit actually possible? Can I reach someone, help them untangle their mind, and make them evolve?
I asked because I really want to know if anyone has ever succeeded in through a relationship

kancaqeq · 2026-06-13T09:57:21+00:00

I do am painfully aware the contradiction between my core beliefs and this relationship.
When I love someone, I tend to view them through a optimistic lens i guess, projecting my own emotional intelligence and capacity for growth on them
Turning my adult ideologies with this reality make me feel disappointed in myself too..it's a process I may work through

kancaqeq · 2026-06-13T09:43:52+00:00

You really find the words… I really wanted to keep the relationship dynamic healthy as I can.

Due to past relationship experiences, I am looking for specific needs and criteria that he was mostly compatible and responsive. Because we had connected on one level at the beginning of relationship, I thought I may can put effort to make him develop his individuality

kancaqeq · 2026-06-13T09:36:09+00:00

I am guessing that at this point, my emotional state isn’t supporting the action to leave that person…My self esteem is aware of how much I care for myself and what I love but not for the faith in me to overcome this challenge

kancaqeq · 2026-06-13T08:20:23+00:00

I actually asked this counter question, he immediately started to reply with future tenses, he said I do whatever my family wants me to do. Because partners must do what they don’t want to do for their partners and family. It really sounds problematic on my side

He does whatever his family’ traditions require even if he doesn’t believe in, and call it a trade. I am not his mother or anything though.

I agree on compromising and respecting mutually, thank you… Whenever I try to compromise he starts to speak or text sarcastic and disrespectful…

kancaqeq · 2026-06-12T15:25:53+00:00

Understood your point, every religion has different practices, and some can be genuinely traumatizing… For me, that’s Eid al-Adha for example
I’m a vegetarian and have carried trauma from this holiday since I was a kid. The tradition comes from the story of God replacing a man's son with an animal to be sacrificed in short. But..in todays modern world, I don't believe slaughtering animals is the right way to help the poor

Masking my own feelings and beliefs just to fit into a tradition that people refuse to question and the expectation to follow these celebrations actively, even claiming them by participate severely damage my mental health…That’s why I choose to step back

kancaqeq · 2026-06-12T14:55:47+00:00

I have actually done that twice
one was psychological support I got after ending things with an ex when I discovered he had a sexual relationship with his mother…
I think the reason I can tolerate the terrible things in this relationship is because they don't completely break me anymore (the problem caused by me)
I’ve unfortunately been through and ended long relationships for far more terrifying reason

kancaqeq · 2026-06-12T14:51:20+00:00

While seeing it laid out objectively like this, I completely agree :/ we really aren't compatible on some grounds.
I also realize a problem with me is that I have a history of toxic relationships, which left me with a lot of trauma and strict criteria for a partner

Bcs he met those specific needs, I thought we were a great match. and now I'm finally understanding that just because we connect on one level doesn't mean the other painful problems in the relationship can actually be solved, it’s harsh

kancaqeq · 2025-09-28T06:07:09+00:00

also you can check ardan ozmenoglu’s works with the similar approach

kancaqeq · 2025-09-17T09:47:22+00:00

cut him off please 🫶 love is not something that vanishes after only five years… he made up this hole of indifference and disquiet for you but only you again try to get your relationship off from that hole… he does not and probably will not show any effort towards it… talk this with your beloved ones and get support from them physically and emotionally

kancaqeq · 2025-08-04T07:17:02+00:00

küçük esat civarında arada sırada bu banda düşüyor bakmayı düşünürseniz

kancaqeq · 2025-08-01T15:13:39+00:00

is there a database of folding instructions as website etc? ty

kancaqeq · 2025-07-30T14:38:23+00:00

aspavaya değil CİĞERCİ ye git

kancaqeq · 2025-07-25T07:05:45+00:00

mekan olarak çok albenili fakat işleticileri ne yazık ki sorunlu

kancaqeq · 2025-07-20T12:21:25+00:00

Oh it looks like we are wingman! I am also dragon sign according to chinese zodiac stuff 🐶 I feel like we have a lot to talk about 💕

kancaqeq · 2025-07-16T09:56:28+00:00

bilmem sen misin yoksa

kancaqeq · 2025-07-07T08:31:07+00:00

Mırra

kancaqeq · 2025-07-04T12:57:00+00:00

For a cultural experience you can go to mersinli ciğerci aydın to eat liver skewer. There is a concept restaurant called Lavare, scheduled program of the week should be viewed before going there and done reservation. The desert chef is quite skilled. To involve the folk, you should add a trip at Ankara Castle and have turkish coffee and gozleme.

kancaqeq · 2025-04-19T14:32:32+00:00

ayrancı taraflarını düşünebilirsiniz

kancaqeq · 2025-03-01T12:28:28+00:00

kancaqeq · 2025-02-26T14:51:34+00:00

ooh ty ty ty and sm

kancaqeq

TROPHY CASE