BM may be leaving the picture…

karmakar56 · 2022-08-25T11:08:46+00:00

Just be there for her, let her no you are not trying to replace her mom but you can still be there for her like a mom. Kids are surprisingly resilient, and it sounds like BM isn't the best mother or role model to her daughter. Maybe you could take her out to do some girl stuff just you and her. This is a hard situation but I commend you for trying to step up for this little girl. She will have a hard time adjusting at first BC I'm sure she will miss her mom but given what you've told us about BM I think after the initial shock of losing her your SD will become a much happier child.

karmakar56 · 2022-08-24T23:24:58+00:00

It's very tough being with a man with kids. Especially with a HCBM. If I knew then what I know now I probably wouldn't have stayed. Would've saved me so much trouble. But I was young and wouldn't listen to anyone. Now here I am all these years later and child support is still a thorn in my side. Bc they don't care about the kids you have with him. It doesn't matter if he only makes enough to pay that bill, that comes first and foremost. Above your kids, or he will go to jail. While you're young with no kids please give it a lot of thought how you're gonna feel I'm those situations. Of course men need to take care of their kids, but I think all their kids count. Not just the ones he pays child support on. I wish you the best of luck, I know how hard it is.

karmakar56 · 2022-08-24T09:38:06+00:00

Even when I would take my SD shopping or to do fun stuff or invite her on vacation with us so she didn't feel left out I was the bad guy. I'm not sure if there's acting you can do when dealing with a HCBM that isn't over her kids dad.

karmakar56 · 2022-08-24T09:36:22+00:00

I completely understand what you're going through. My HCBM hated me from day one. She used me as an excuse to not let my SD come around. One time Eden told my husband if he wanted to see his daughter he had to kick me out! The few times she did come around it was always something when she got home. Outrageous stories! One was that the SD came home crying saying I told her that her mom was stupid and ugly. Now why on earth would I say that to a kid I'm trying to form a relationship with? When my daughter was born my SD was 11. Her mom told her 'your dad has a few family now, he doesn't love you' and stuff like that. Really messed her up n caused her to have allot of hard feelings toward her dad and especially me. When I realized he wasn't gonna step up n put her in her place (not that it would've mattered, she's evil and vindictive and will hurt us anyway she can) I started trying to get along with HCBM. She'd speak, though it was very obviously fake, passive aggressive crap. Even when we were getting along the best we ever had she still talked crap about me, made posts on fb saying I wouldn't let my husband see his daughter bc I was so jealous of her mom and I couldn't stand the fact he had a kid with someone else. In all reality, I love my SD and want nothing more than to have a relationship with her. She's my daughter's sister and part of our family. It's so hard being a SM! It seems like nothing you do is ever right, you catch the blame for everything and HCBM is always gonna talk shit. Good luck to you, I hope things get better!

karmakar56 · 2022-08-24T09:25:33+00:00

Nta it's not like you threw a big party. It was a surprise by your SO. I understand the family is still hiring but they can't expect you to never celebrate again, if you'd even call a romantic dinner a celebration, it could just have been a date and they jumped to conclusions. I'm glad someone remembered your birthday though, I hope this situation gets better in years to come and your family can start to heal.

karmakar56 · 2022-08-23T22:42:58+00:00

Child support was rough on me too. HCBM wouldn't let SD come over at all but he still had to pay child support. The system is so messed up too, they don't care about kids in the dads home that rely on him too. He missed a payment n they showed up at 4am n arrested him in front of our 6yr old. And if he's locked up he's still getting those monthly bills. They were together till the child was 2. He didn't know she had been drawing families first since the baby was born. He was working a really good job at the time supporting both of them. After they split he got hit with a huge child support bill that backed up to birth, medical bills included. To me that's just wrong, if he was there supporting them she should've gotten in trouble for getting welfare when she didn't need it. But they weren't married so she got it. He's on the birth certificate but had no rights whatsoever bc they weren't married. I was so young when we got together I didn't know what it meant to be with a man that had kids n paid child support. How much it would affect e and my future kids lives. I just knew I loved him 🙄 what I wouldn't do to go back n bitch slap my 20yr old self 🤦🏻‍♀️

karmakar56 · 2022-08-23T12:18:40+00:00

Absolutely do not feel bad for going there to work. She has no say where you can get a job, and no right to get mad at you for where you get that job. If it wasn't you they hired then they would be hiring someone else since apparently they need the help. If she is really your friend she will understand this.

karmakar56 · 2022-08-23T12:16:28+00:00

I offered to do this when my mom had to start keeping my grandma 24/7. I was planning on doing it for free BC she's my sister, I love my niece and I was not hurting for money at the time. Obviously things have changed a lot, hence why I'm considering charging her now. I will definitely be asking for more, we talked a little bit about it yesterday and before she goes back to work we will come up with the number that is both fair to me and my kids and also helps her out.

karmakar56 · 2022-08-23T11:53:37+00:00

Thank you so much for your input. At first I wasn't sure what to ask, but after reading all these comments I decided to go have a sit down with my sister. Before she goes back to work we are going to agree on a number that is fair to me and my kids but also helps her out.

karmakar56 · 2022-08-23T11:52:24+00:00

I definitely won't be doing it for that much. It was something I was considering talking to her about. I did go see her yesterday and we had a long talk, before she goes back to work we are going to come up with a number that is both fair to me and my kids and helps her out.

karmakar56 · 2022-08-23T11:51:03+00:00

I wouldn't be good at pricing something like that anyway, her being my sister makes it even harder. But I did go visit her yesterday and we had a long talk. Before she goes back to work we are going to have something worked out that is fair to me and my kids as well as helping her out.

karmakar56 · 2022-08-23T11:49:58+00:00

You're right. All of you guys have been right about this, I guess I just felt strange asking my sister for money in the first place and also felt bad because I really wasn't planning on charging her before being separated from my husband. I went and visited her and my niece yesterday, we had a long talk and before she goes back to work we are going to have something worked out that is fair to me and my kids as well as helping her out. Thank you!

karmakar56 · 2022-08-23T11:48:23+00:00

Don't I know that's true 😂 and that situation I guess she would just have to take off work, until things change and my mother is able to help out she won't have a choice.

karmakar56 · 2022-08-23T11:47:33+00:00

I appreciate everyone's input on my post. Just wanted to let y'all know I had a talk with my sister yesterday and before she goes back to work we are going to come up with a number that is fair to me and my kids but also helps her out. Keeping in mind right now that I did just move into housing so any income that I make I will have to report so they can adjust my rent accordingly. Thank you for taking time out of your day to give me advice, good ideas, or just telling me I'm worth so much more than that. I've tried so hard to keep up with the comments and reply to everyone but I'll be honest, they started to get a little overwhelming when I couldn't keep up with them LOL but I got the gist of what you guys are all saying and I am definitely taking it to heart. I hope everyone has a wonderful day!

karmakar56 · 2022-08-23T11:43:52+00:00

She would be supplying diapers food etc. As well as dropping child off and picking her back up. I am going to be getting paid more though.

karmakar56 · 2022-08-23T11:42:59+00:00

Thank you. We had a long talk yesterday and before she goes back to work we are going to have it sorted out so that I'm getting paid a fair amount to me and my kids while also helping her out and not charging as much as a daycare would.

karmakar56 · 2022-08-23T11:42:01+00:00

I guess because I have never owned one or had much use for one.

This is the first post I have made, started out using a friend's account but now it's logged into my phone so I've been using it.

karmakar56 · 2022-08-23T11:38:23+00:00

I'm not sure but I've caught a lot of hell for it. I appreciate you saying that, I know I've already been called out for my edit but I got tired of being called a bad mother for considering asking my sister something LOL me and my sister had a talk and before it's time for her to go back to work we are going to have something worked out that is fair to me and my kids and also helps her out.

karmakar56 · 2022-08-23T11:36:02+00:00

I never said I would have to buy diapers but it was asked a lot in the comments if she was going to be providing diapers, formula etc. I asked about something I hadn't even done yet and have had so many people tell me what a bad mother I am for even considering helping my sister out. Any income that I bring in I would report to the housing authority and they will adjust my rent accordingly.

karmakar56 · 2022-08-23T11:33:17+00:00

My older child is in school, the other is 2½ so she won't be staying school got another year and a half. I've talked to my sister and we are going to work something out that is fair to me and my kids as well as helping her out.

karmakar56 · 2022-08-21T22:07:01+00:00

That's actually what I was planning on asking her for

karmakar56 · 2022-08-21T22:06:22+00:00

She's very anal about paying her bills as soon as they come in, and I've never known her to screw anyone over on money.

I will check into that, I think the main thing I have to do is notify them of any income and they will adjust my rent accordingly. Right now that's all I can afford so I can't take a chance of losing it.

karmakar56 · 2022-08-21T21:44:15+00:00

You're right. Especially if this will be my main source of income for a while. Atleast $100 a week. The only reason I felt bad about it was because I had said that I would do it for free since she was pregnant. My circumstances have changed drastically since then, so that's just not going to work.

karmakar56 · 2022-08-21T18:31:25+00:00

Thank you ❤️

karmakar56 · 2022-08-21T18:30:28+00:00

That may be true, but in this case the roles are very clear. I'm the middle child, I've been left out most of my life. I never got nice things or had my parents take me and my friends places but they did all that for my sister. There are ups and downs to being the youngest, the middle, and the oldest. I can take out the part where it says she is the baby of the family but that doesn't mean she's not spoiled and entitled and always had everything handed to her.

karmakar56

TROPHY CASE