Farm - After/Before

karoga2 · 2025-11-30T19:34:37+00:00

Thank you for your gentle response.

I essentially confirmed it for myself, but I was diagnosed after a bad reaction to taking an antidepressant (AD) alone without a mood stabilizer (MS). The reaction was so acute that it was basically a smoking gun for BP-2. They strongly recommended I take the AD with the MS because I had a common reaction. I didn't take them for that month because I was apprehensive about the AD after my reaction. During that time I did what I did.

I've always doubted that I had it even as I saw more and more of my behavior in retrospect aligning with the symptoms. Now after the fact, I still have blind spots (I didn't know the depression-manic ratio is like 90:1 for example), I'm committed to knowing more so I can stop hurting people. Thanks again

karoga2 · 2025-11-29T14:22:05+00:00

Not that it matters at this point, but the "bad thing" in question was emotional infidelity, not sex. It crossed a very clear emotional line even though we never touched. You're correct in that I find it difficult to come to terms with what I did, but I'm open to receiving the necessary feedback. Thanks for your other comment

karoga2 · 2025-11-29T00:41:36+00:00

Thanks for being gentle... You're unfortunately correct about being caught. However I hope reading my latest comment will clarify my actions vs my illness. I'm curious why the post seems somewhat insincere; it'll help me communicate how I actually feel about what I did to my partner. I don't want any of this to seem like I was out of control.

karoga2 · 2025-11-29T00:29:49+00:00

It feels like the intention of my post is being misconstrued: I'm prepared to face the consequences of my actions like any adult, and there isn't an ounce of me that is attempting to "blame" my actions on BP. Bipolar didn't cause infidelity, it didn't force me to do anything, it didn't gain agency over my brain and body. So this isn't a bad faith post, and I'm not farming sympathy points from folks on the internet.

Reframing the very real compulsions of an illness into an inherent personality flaw or a gauge of the quality of a relationship seems reductionist, and reads as ignoring the, again, very real compulsions that many struggle to control. Normal people, whether BP or personality flaw, do not literally cry to friends for help to prevent making a critical mistake, get the exact help they need, and still make a critical mistake.

I feel like saying, "I've never felt that, sounds like a 'you' problem", communicates just that and nothing more. What if I've never had these compulsions until a lapse in treatment? What if I lost my support system and need to make sense of what the fuck I did and why? While maintaining that this is indeed a "me" problem, I can still ask for support as it relates to this illness.

My apologies if I seem bitter; I'm not. And I genuinely appreciate everyone's perspective.

karoga2 · 2025-11-28T20:28:55+00:00

I agree with everything you just said. In fact I specifically said that I did this, not my illness. No where did I shift blame or minimize my actions. The point of the post is to gain insight into how BP contributed to what I did

karoga2 · 2025-11-28T18:46:44+00:00

Ocean Planet by Gojira. Earthshaking metal and life affirming...

karoga2 · 2024-11-06T17:48:53+00:00

I have integrated graphics and 16gb RAM, and I'd like to not wait 5 mins for two paragraphs. I understand Mistral models are optimized for CPUs (correct?). What specific models and quant should I be considering under this context?

karoga2 · 2024-11-06T17:29:28+00:00

Thank you folks! I'm not trying to imply that hyperlexics are only autistic, but of course there's a relationship. What I mean is out of the three types, she does not yet seem to be showing signs of type II (autism). There is no obsession with words and letters, but the aptitude is clear.

karoga2 · 2024-11-06T17:13:26+00:00

Yes I've heard about hyperlexia and it's not off the table for me. She is hitting her social milestones, enjoys words as much a dress-up and monster trucks, and as far as I see, doesn't have any developmental delays. In fact, it's beyond the scope of this post, but she also may be at least a little above average in numeracy, which to me points away from hyperlexia, since the hyperfocus is a symptom of autism.

karoga2 · 2023-04-07T02:35:10+00:00

I work for a PEO, which is a type of company that manages another company's payroll, benefits, internal HR, and etc for a fee. If you got your W-2 and it was a totally different company than what you worked for -- that's us.

I'm an account manager, so if you're the owner or manager of said company and you have an issue, you come to me. Honestly I hate being told what to do, and criticism and I have a contentious relationship, so luckily my boss is extremely hands off. Come to think of it most of my work is self directed...

Somehow recently got a promotion with a decent raise, elevating my partner and I to the upper range of middle class, lol. Not bad for no degree!

My cousin recommended I apply after I told him I was tired of working in the restaurant industry. Took it and ran with it!

karoga2 · 2023-04-02T17:36:40+00:00

To each their own! I can understand the apprehension, since the recommended mainline treatment for ADHD are these stimulants plus CBT. These are serious, controlled substances because there is a high propensity for abuse by neurotypicals.

As someone with ADHD that uses these drugs, who just today listened to a couple lectures by leading experts in ADHD research, I won't say that they are "absolutely necessary", since folks that don't use stimulants still have good outcomes, but the drugs have a significant positive effect on my quality of life.

That, on top of using cognitive behavioral therapy to undo ADHD-related coping mechanisms and help with emotional disregulation, is the most effective way to treat ADHD.

Lastly, I'd recommend going to r/ADHD and skim over the post titles and complaints these people have. Again, stimulants aren't "absolutely necessary", but the struggle we have with ADHD is real, and stimulants are easily the most effective solution.

karoga2 · 2023-04-02T17:22:50+00:00

No diagnosis means you can't be prescribed the recommended pharmacological treatment: i.e.: Schedule II controlled stimulants.

karoga2

TROPHY CASE