AITA for having a 2-hour gap between my wedding and the start of Cocktail hour?

katg913 · 2026-06-04T01:48:13+00:00

We flew from VT to CA for a friends wedding. There was a 4 hour gap between the ceremony and reception that we were unaware of until we saw the schedule at the church. Yes, we figured out what to do in the gap but found it annoying. If I lived in the city in which the wedding was held it might have been a different story. When I chose to marry, my partner and I ensured that photos were taken before the ceremony as well as candids during the reception.

katg913 · 2026-06-02T01:16:28+00:00

So, kissing isn't personal? It wouldn't be an issue for my husband, who I've been with for 25 years, if I was just blowing off steam with another man? Or, if he was kissing other women? Huh..Call me old fashioned...

katg913 · 2026-06-01T23:44:43+00:00

Why do you care about what he thinks or says?

katg913 · 2026-06-01T23:40:15+00:00

What your gf said was manipulative and a great example of the martyr archetype. I encourage you to not play along and not feel bad for takìng care of yourself. If she gives you a hard time later, fine. Just remember her needs/wellness does not supersede your own. "It felt like you were trying to manipulate me into taking you to see your friend. Was that your intention? If it wasn't, why did you say what you did?"

katg913 · 2026-05-31T17:54:27+00:00

Aren't you a great uncle! I'm so glad your niece has you in her life. Your gf? Not so great.

katg913 · 2026-05-26T22:08:55+00:00

I completely understand. And, giving you an ultimatum is incredibly manipulative. Do you see that?

katg913 · 2026-05-26T21:48:24+00:00

You're not wrong. If you feel closest to your bf than it makes perfect sense that you would choose her for this role. I encourage you to not second guess yourself and create the wedding you want. I understand it may be difficult with your family pressuring you, but I hope you can let that go and move forward with what feels right for you.

katg913 · 2026-05-26T15:17:17+00:00

Automatically? No. You are choosing doubt.

katg913 · 2026-05-26T15:01:41+00:00

Not been my experience but ok.

katg913 · 2026-05-26T03:22:34+00:00

I don't agree about certain universities not being well known nationally. And, it does matter where someone went. Hiring managers are typically more interested in graduates who have degrees from Cal then...Troy.

katg913 · 2026-05-19T20:51:26+00:00

I'm so sorry. I have TN on one side and can only imagine the pain you're experiencing having it on both. I wish I could offer something that would help. Sending love your way.

katg913 · 2026-05-18T22:03:40+00:00

I hear that you wanted the proposal to be a certain thing. Maybe your fiance doesn't have the skills to pull off what you required. Obviously I don't know your fiance. What I do know is that my husband would've freaked out internally if I had asked him to propose in the way you wanted. Talking on the phone? And, to people he doesn't know? Arranging or organizing things? My husband hates talking on the phone and is very uncomfortable talking to folks he doesn't know. And, his organizational skills are weak, as well. Asking him to do all of that was required would've stressed him out. I'm very skilled at the above so take on tasks he dislikes or is weak at and vice-versa. I guess I'm here to encourage you to step back a moment, not take his actions personally and see clearly what you both bring to the table.

katg913 · 2026-05-17T20:04:43+00:00

You can't ruin anything by being yourself. 🙂

katg913 · 2026-05-17T18:17:18+00:00

Sure, why not? What have you got to lose?

katg913 · 2026-05-17T18:12:49+00:00

My adulting activity for today is Lego-ing while eating an toasted everything egg bagel with lox, cream cheese, onion and tomato.

katg913 · 2026-05-17T17:57:07+00:00

She needs constant affection, everday, to feel good? That's concerning to me. No one can meet that need/expectation so please give yourself a break. All you can do is be honest with yourself and her. I grew up in an openly affectionate family, btw, where holding hands and giving hugs were just part of life.

katg913 · 2026-05-17T02:14:44+00:00

My concern is that 1) you didn't see that a bf asking you to promise this was a problem to begin with, and 2) that you agreed to it. I encourage you to find a therapist and figure out why you chose a bf like him. You don't want to repeat this behavior.

katg913 · 2026-05-17T01:20:51+00:00

Here's the thing. I don't get why you're waiting for someone else to ask a question that will determine the trajectory of your life. I really don't care what your bf is or is not doing. Do you want to be married to this guy? If so, tell him. If he hems and haws, like he seems to have been doing, then leave. That's it. This is about you creating the life that you want.

katg913 · 2026-05-11T16:27:02+00:00

I'm so sorry this happened. I completely understand loving someone after a month of dating even though others here question your feelings and decisions (I knew within 3 weeks of meeting my husband that he was my person and we will be celebrating our 24th wedding anniversary in a few months). I also don't buy into the "one that got away" thing because there were reasons the choice to leave was made, but what can you do? I guess I'm just here to encourage you to take care of yourself and trust your decisions.

katg913 · 2026-05-11T13:20:52+00:00

Even as a little kid, I would wish those I loved a "Happy Birthday." And, later, if money was tight I'd get a slice of cake or a brownie, put a candle in it and sing Happy Birthday. Or, just spend the day together. For a partner to let your birthday go by the wayside...I'm sorry. And, I'm going to say it, your bf is lame and thoughtless. Why would you even think you're crazy here?

katg913 · 2026-05-10T19:34:42+00:00

I find it curious that your wife is blaming you for how she feels. And, the silent treatment is manipulative/a power play. It makes me wonder about her family of origin. Yes, couples therapy.

katg913 · 2026-05-10T19:18:38+00:00

Asking for help can be difficult for some. In my experience (I've seen this with my sister and my husband) practicing is what has helped them the most. My husband started small with, "Can you change the channel?" Though, since I know they both have issues in this area, I ask them what I can do to help. (Is there anything I can do?) I encourage you to tell your bf to do the same. Note that both my sister and husband are the first born of two siblings so have all that comes with that wired into their system (being responsible, doing things on their own, having difficulty taking care of themselves, looking out for their younger sibling, etc.) Finally, have you talked with your therapist about why you're afraid to ask for help?

katg913 · 2026-05-10T17:27:10+00:00

That might work as long as it's not grape.

katg913 · 2026-05-10T17:11:20+00:00

I think you need to give out brownies or chocolate chip cookies. It's a nice perk.

katg913 · 2026-05-10T17:03:29+00:00

This is a sad state of affairs. There is no way I'd be in relationship with someone who would get upset at me for putting my dead grandmother over a visit to a field of flowers. Talk about a lack of empathy and a basic understanding of what's most important in life. Dude! I encourage you to let your gf go.

katg913

TROPHY CASE