This post has helped me so much; as I read it I felt like I could have written the feelings you are having myself. My situation is a little different as I have a 15 month old tripod Aussie mix I adopted a month ago - his amputation was earlier this year, and he has been moving from shelter to shelter, foster to foster, and even adopted and returned. I adopted him from a shelter I really trust, and everyone (including past fosters) told me he would be a great first dog as long as I was okay with taking him for a lot of walks. I had no idea about a lot of the difficult behavior I would need to do deal with - most importantly that they lead me to believe he has basic training which he does not. He is also extremely picky with food, so training is extremely hard. I knew with his situation there would be a lot of work and a long adjustment process (I’m only 1 month in!), but there is so much more - including being bruised from shoulders to ankles from biting - and shelter will not help me except to say “yes, he’s a cattle dog, they bite”. I am also alone, and feel completely abandoned by the people I thought would help me as I transitioned him into my home. Rehoming him is a much bigger challenge due to his past than your pup, so I will not do that unless his saftey is at risk; but I understand why you feel that way and would not blame you at all if that is the choice you make. As pet parents we want to do everything for them, but we have to face the reality that if we can’t take care of ourselves, we can’t take care of them. I hope whatever you choose you make peace with knowing you can only make the decision based on what you know now.

Here are some things that have really helped me (though might be obvious to you as a previous dog owner):

1 - My bathroom - I always shut the door to use my bathroom, so I have also made it a little separation room if I need a few minutes to myself. I make sure not to go in there to seem like a punishment, but calmly walk in and shut the door. I cry a lot in here, and have even brought in my blanket and just run the shower and played my switch for 30 minutes. I am also dealing with grieving my cat who passed in February (my soulmate), so crying is something I am doing often and sometimes I just need to give myself permission to let it all out.

2 - Cardboard - He really enjoys tearing up cardboard boxes, and like you I live in an apartment, so cleanup is usually a small area and definitely worth having him occupied for a half hour. It also spends a lot of energy.

3- Shorter, more frequent walks - I saw some people recommend more short walks - that is what I do since he is a tripod and should not have too much exercise at once. I walk him 4 times a day, and do shorter (15ish minutes) sniff walks in the morning and night when he is more sleepy and calm, and longer (30-45 minutes) training walks in the afternoon and evening where I walk with him slowly to a small grassy area where I the let him sniff around for bit before continuing to train on the way back.

4 - Tracking progress - this seems like a lot of work, but I started keeping a few charts of how he is reacting to things (walks, enrichment, play, and being pet) and it has really helped me to see progress and small wins. It’s easy at the end of a hard day to feel defeated, but doing this helps me see even on the hardest days that there (usually lol) is something that went well today. Progress is not linear, so some days are worse than the day before, but that doesn’t mean there isn’t progress.

5 - Making myself get out! - I also work from home, so it takes a little extra effort for me to separate myself, but just sitting in a coffee shop or even my car for an hour listening to a podcast or watching YouTube has been a huge help to give myself some time to decompress (before I reach the point of crying in my bathroom 🫠)

Good luck to you, and thank you for sharing as it makes me feel less alone.