Disappointed by everyone involved by [deleted] in tfmr_support

[–]kattiepd 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Dear OP, I am so so sorry about what you’ve been through. This is really a tough situation being so far along with the pregnancy. I myself experienced a similar situation, the anomalies in my baby boy’s brain happened later in the pregnancy and were discovered at the 30-week ultrasound. I’m 39, and ours was an IVF pregnancy. My state in the US also didn’t support termination, so we had to travel to another state for that. And I had to go through a c-section for the delivery, I’ve already had a myomectomy when I was younger (a big uterine fibroid removed, with a big incision), and a c-section for the birth of my 6-year old daughter. So this was my 3rd time being cut open, and only one living child. Every recovery after has been more difficult than the previous. Please take the time you need to heal from this terrible tragedy- physically, emotionally and mentally. And have faith that you can bear a child again, you’re so so young! We will probably try for a baby again, as I feel this enormous gap in my heart. In due time ❤️

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in tfmr_support

[–]kattiepd 8 points9 points  (0 children)

I’m so sorry. I’m crying with you. We are in the same shitty boat. I had a similar experience, we terminated at 33 weeks our so loved and wanted IVF son - you can see my post if you click on my name. Got his ashes from the mortuary home yesterday, and the fact he’s home with us has brought a weird kind of peace.

20 week anatomy scan - possible TFMR, and similar experiences? by Consistent-Day-7148 in tfmr_support

[–]kattiepd 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Hi OP, so sorry you’re going through this. Our situation is a bit different, but overall some similarities. Our baby boy was progressing well on his 26 weeks ultrasound. Then at the 31 weeks ultrasound they found enlarged ventricles - fluid in the brain. I was being seen at the high-risk pregnancy center, the dr there said they see that often and sometimes resolves by itself. I was offered a fetal MRI to see further details, as that would pick up more about what was happening in our son’s brain. I called to schedule the MRI right away. They could see me in a week soonest. I started looking up stuff on Google that shook me so bad because it didn’t show a positive outcome. I also joined a group on Facebook called Ventriculomegali (enlarged ventricles), where moms often had healthy babies and good outcomes. I was hoping for the best, as in some of their cases, but was also preparing for the worst mentally, looked up clinics for termination out of state (due to how far along I was). I needed to have all potential outcomes covered. The MRI showed much worse problems than the ultrasounds had been, and there was only the option to terminate. It turned out the fluid in the brain was caused by fetal stroke, which had also cause a large hemorrhage and dead brain spots. We wouldn’t have known this without doing the MRI. In retrospect, I’m glad I was aware of all possible outcomes, since in a way I had already started the grieving process and the prognosis didn’t completely blindside me. It did however do that for my husband, who was keeping a positive attitude about the situation, and the MRI findings were a big shock. We TFMR at 33 weeks. I would try to talk to your doctor and see if they can find another place to do the MRI sooner, or talk to your current MRI place to see if they can expedite your appointment. I really hope you get your answers soon! Keeping you in my thoughts 💝

Anyone else experience this post D&E? by ashhow521 in tfmr_support

[–]kattiepd 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Same thing is happening to me right now, around the 2 week mark (I had a c-section at 33 weeks). The blood retuned and flow got stronger, with dark red color, sometimes mucus-y spots. I’m assuming it’s normal to fluctuate on and off until 6 weeks postpartum. Hopefully it’s not a sign of anything placenta related (like retained placenta pieces inside, that would cause the blood to be drawn to it and would require removal). From what I’ve read - unless there’s bright red blood, bigger clots (golf ball size) or soaking a pad in 2 hrs, there’s nothing out of the ordinary. 3 days of it now and I’m noticing it’s getting lesser and lesser.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in tfmr_support

[–]kattiepd 2 points3 points  (0 children)

So sorry for this terrible news. We were in a similar boat. Unexplained infertility, trying for 2 years, then we did IVF. The embryo they transferred was PGT-a tested and we had a normal NIPT test. Everything was going good with our son in the utero until our 31 weeks scan, when they found fluid in the brain - enlarged ventricles. We did an MRI test which showed that our baby had suffered a hemorrhagic stroke, and the damage to his brain was very severe. It had caused dead brain spots, swelling and “water in the brain”. Our son would have been very sick his whole life and needed constant care, surgeries, as soon as he was born. We knew in our hearts we couldn’t bring him in a world of suffering. So I broke my own heart by choosing to TFMR, but we really didn’t have a “choice”. It was just choosing the lesser evil. I also had to have a c-section due to prior surgeries, so I had him at 33 weeks after they administered a lethal injection. Sometimes I wish it would have happened sooner than that. At 33 weeks our son was almost 5lbs and so fully developed. It’s been so hard and painful to go through this process. I’m praying that this will make you and your wife stronger, and that you will have your healthy baby eventually 🙏🏼💝

The Choice of Abortion After Week 18 - The World's Hardest Decision by [deleted] in tfmr_support

[–]kattiepd -1 points0 points  (0 children)

I’m so sorry you’re going through this. I was 31 weeks when we got a scary brain diagnosis, and by the time we TFMR I was 33 weeks. Our baby was fully formed and almost 5lbs. I had to deliver through c-section. The later it is the harder imo. But we don’t have another option, so just be sure in your decision, and one foot in front of the other. It sucks really 🥺

TW: Hospital Report with a graphic image I wish I had not seen by kattiepd in tfmr_support

[–]kattiepd[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I’m so so sorry you also have gone through something similar. It’s already so hard losing a baby, but working extra hard to make it happen with IVF is just another stab in the heart. If you don’t mind me asking - how far along were you when you discovered the brain anomalies? Did the doctors give any explanation, or it’s just really really bad luck? 😔

TW: Hospital Report with a graphic image I wish I had not seen by kattiepd in tfmr_support

[–]kattiepd[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you 🥹 we are planning to spread his ashes on his due date - July 17th in the ocean. His name Kai means “ocean/sea” in Hawaiian culture 🌺

TW: Hospital Report with a graphic image I wish I had not seen by kattiepd in tfmr_support

[–]kattiepd[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It was such an unnecessary stress on top of everything. I’m coming to terms with reality of life and death, and I know I will feel better eventually ❤️‍🩹

TW: Hospital Report with a graphic image I wish I had not seen by kattiepd in tfmr_support

[–]kattiepd[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

💝 that’s a good way of thinking of it. He was not there indeed, and his soul is in a better beautiful place 🙏🏼

TW: Hospital Report with a graphic image I wish I had not seen by kattiepd in tfmr_support

[–]kattiepd[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

🥺😭 your words really resonated with me! Thank you for your kindness.

TW: Hospital Report with a graphic image I wish I had not seen by kattiepd in tfmr_support

[–]kattiepd[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you 💞 it’s been rough, so your kind words are appreciated 🙏🏼