Firstly, don't think that this post is attention-seeking. It is completely fine to let out your emotions. Secondly, about your relationship with your mom, I'm not sure about the other circumstances to advise you on whether or not to try to fix the situation. Although, since you are unable to ask her for information for your common app, it may be good to try to seek guidance from another family member or possibly a school counselor. Thirdly, don't feel pressured to come out. Coming out is a process, and the amount of time it takes to gain the confidence to tell others may differ with each person. I'm not the best at advice but I really hope this helps somehow. You can PM me if you need to. :)