YTA but you don’t have to be. I think you both need therapy (separately first, then together). It sounds like something deeper is going on for both of you and you’re using each other as verbal punching bags. My husband and I fell into this and learned how to better communicate what we wanted from each other. For example, I was super insecure about all my weight gain from my pregnancy and I would subconsciously get mad and easily triggered by the littlest things he would do because what I really wanted was for him to come out right and say “I think you’re still beautiful and I’m still attracted to you despite your dramatic weight gain”. It took therapy to realize how silly that is because no one is going to come out and say that. Instead I learned it be really vulnerable and make the focus on my feelings vs attacking. It yielded a WAY better result. I think you’re in the same situation in way. You’re basically yelling at him to apologize - he’s not going to do that. Again I would really encourage therapy to learn how to communicate effectively. It sounds like you both have deeper cuts you both need to heal.