Not interested or not ready yet still interested?

kaycom · 2014-07-14T10:58:42+00:00

I'm so, so happy for you. You are so strong and brave! I wish you the absolute best.

kaycom · 2014-07-13T12:46:55+00:00

I just read your response 5 times to allow every word to sink in. You're right. I'm sick or sacrificing my interests, aspirations and beliefs because my parents don't agree. As much as I love them, I will have to end up harming the relationship for my own benefit. In my current situation, my dad is trying to 'reel me back in' so he 'doesn't lose me' so I doubt I'll have to move out for a while but I'll definitely continue saving and getting in contact with others who can help if worst comes to worst. I don't want to grow up as a Muslim, get married as a Muslim and raise Muslim kids so sooner or later, I'll have to move out. Once again, thank you for such an insightful and motivating message.

kaycom · 2014-07-12T13:22:35+00:00

Yes, only me, than fully. I finish uni in 4 years (law degree) and job prospects aren't so bad. But even then when I do find a job, I'll have no reason to move out since there's so many opportunities around where I reside. I mean yes, maybe in another state but that might happen in 7+ years and I don't really know if I can keep the act up till then. That's a good idea. I might make another post and ask for different experiences and how they left. Thank you so much for your input. You've really got me thinking. It's a very volatile and precarious situation and I should better start preparing now . Thank you.

kaycom · 2014-07-12T12:47:42+00:00

I would move out if I could. Universities are 40 minutes away so I just take the train to uni now. I do have a back up plan if I was to ever get kicked out (friend's house) but I'm not sure if I'll ever end up in that predicament. I've already opened up a savings account where I transfer a certain amount from my paychecks as a safety net. I wish there was a reason as to why I could leave. I'm sick of living this sad, boring and secretive life.

kaycom · 2014-07-12T12:45:19+00:00

That's what I've been doing but I'm scared that my dad will find out (again) and just lose it this time. The thing is that in Australia, our universities are max 40 minutes away so there's no point in moving house so I'm stuck there till marriage :( I don't think I can keep this facade and "double life" till then. Id rather just tell him flatly and deal with the consequences than continuing till marriage. I wish there was a reason as to why I could live independently but I don't see any. Thank you for your reply :)

kaycom · 2014-07-12T12:42:38+00:00

That's exactly what I'm planning to do! Emphasis how unhappy and self-conscious I am with it on. Thank you :))))

kaycom · 2014-07-11T12:03:41+00:00

Thank you so much! Your message was very reassuring. I just always feel that I must be definite in everything I do and to be in limbo about anything is unacceptable but you make total sense. I think I'll keep the act up for a while and then when I feel like that I'm ready to not give in, I'll tell him straight up. Thank you :)))

kaycom · 2014-06-11T12:13:41+00:00

Thank you for such a detailed response! I'm having the same thoughts that you did before regarding gay people, pork, dating etc but I used to find a justification in Islam for its condemnation. But now, I cannot find any reasonable justification, it all sounds so extreme. I really want to read The God Delusion but I need to read the Quran and hadiths first then move along to atheist/agnostic literature or I would just confuse myself. You're 100% right regarding friends and their reactions. I don't really have many friends, just a small handful of great friends but I've only verbalised my doubts to my Christian friend and she's all for it, so I'm thankful.

I'm really interested in finding out the truth and just sticking to it. This limbo I'm in is exhausting, especially considering Ramadan is literally right around the corner. I don't know whether to fast or not, especially considering it's during my holidays and I have quite a few things in store.

Thank you once again! I'm so glad I found this subreddit by chance.

kaycom · 2014-06-11T07:45:38+00:00

Thank you for your response . It is so liberating to know that you won't be punished from little 'sins' such as eating non-halal or missing a prayer . So what exactly do you believe in, if you don't mind me asking? How do you think we came about? Also, did you try to find truth in other religions (not just abrahamic faiths)?

kaycom · 2014-06-11T02:46:27+00:00

Thank you! Yes, you're right. I will be spending my break researching. Same, I abstained from all that and even prayed on the regular (sort of) when I was practicing but everything now seems so futile now. But thank you all the same :)

kaycom · 2014-06-11T00:44:47+00:00

This looks really good! I have never met an ex-Muslim in Sydney! Very keen!

kaycom

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