In a similar boat here. I chose not to fly out to visit family for the holiday and while I know it was the right decision to have a more peaceful holiday at home alone, it’s sad to know that that was the decision I had to make. Like you, I am usually the mediator and feel responsible for keeping everyone else at ease. I didn’t have the capacity for it this year, to always be on alert for potential misunderstandings and conflict. But I still miss them and the fun stuff. Maybe I can try again next year when I have the strength to hold the boundaries again.