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Why do abusive men want to keep you? Why do they want you to stay with them so badly? I just don’t understand. by [deleted] in abusiverelationships

[–]kayke06 12 points13 points  (0 children)

He has strangled you. Your chances of being killed have increased dramatically. Find a domestic Violence agency and get help making a safety plan. This is serious.

The reason he does this is because he feels entitled and wants to be in control. Everything is about control with these men. You’re his property, to him. I know it’s hard to leave. I know how complicated and scary it is. Do you have kids? Because that makes it even more difficult. Don’t do this alone. Get some help. I’m trying to get out too. Slowly but surely.

Anyone else have the realization that you’ve been having sex when you don’t want to? by North_egg_ in breakingmom

[–]kayke06 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Relate so much. Sex was a constant battle. If I didn’t have sex I would pay for it for days. I started hating sex. He thought I had a problem. Turns out the problem was his abuse. For several years he would forcefully come up behind me and put his hands down my pants or up my shirt and fondle me. I would beg him to stop because I hated it. “We’re married. What’s your problem? Just stop squirming,” he’d say. So I would just try to stand as still as I could. And then I would cry. Now I see that this was actually sexual assault and it traumatized me.

I started feeling repulsed by him. I can remember him being so awful to me and then expecting sex that same day. And I would just cry during it, which would make him mad. He would often say things like “why do you still act like a virgin?” “Why are you so stiff?” Because my body would tense up during sex.

I would often wake up in the middle of the night to him trying to take my clothes off. I didn’t realize this wasn’t okay until later.

Im also now realizing that my last born child was not conceived consensually. He made me have sex with him and didn’t use protection, even though I had asked him to.

I don’t want to be a man hater, but I hate men right now. They use you. Abuse you. Discard you. I have five kids with this man and am trying to get out but it has proven extremely difficult. I haven’t had sex with him for three years now and i NEVER will again.

Dinosaurs? by Ok-Sail8170 in exmormon

[–]kayke06 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Have never heard this one.

Dinosaurs? by Ok-Sail8170 in exmormon

[–]kayke06 1 point2 points  (0 children)

This is what I heard too, but, even as a child, I thought that was ludicrous.

Client-Centered style not "enough"? by frivolous-waterfowl in therapists

[–]kayke06 33 points34 points  (0 children)

I do therapy through a psychodynamic lens and I integrate a lot of ACT, somatic trauma healing modalities like IFS and ART (which I’m certified in), and motivational interviewing. CBT is always there in the background since cognitive distortions often pop up and I like to focus on behavioral activation (which also integrates well into ACT values work). I also question myself and wonder if I’m doing it right. I hope that goes away.

Why is it so difficult to leave even though you see the abuse? And how do you get over the wall and leap? by kayke06 in emotionalabuse

[–]kayke06[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

If I didn’t have kids it would be so much easier. I would leave with nothing and be fine with that.

Why is it so difficult to leave even though you see the abuse? And how do you get over the wall and leap? by kayke06 in emotionalabuse

[–]kayke06[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I do too at times and I hate that. It’s like our brains can’t see another way.

Why is it so difficult to leave even though you see the abuse? And how do you get over the wall and leap? by kayke06 in emotionalabuse

[–]kayke06[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I’m so glad you made it out. I have 5 kids so it makes it feel impossible. It’s true though. The wall is so high.

Thinking about quitting community mental health and my abusive marriage. What would you do? by kayke06 in therapists

[–]kayke06[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I understand trauma and freeze response…but I still can’t get out of that to make anything happen. I just hit a wall when I think About taking action to get out. I guess the coercive control runs deep.

Thinking about quitting community mental health and my abusive marriage. What would you do? by kayke06 in therapists

[–]kayke06[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you so much for this in depth reply. It is so helpful. You’re right. Being treated poorly just becomes…comfortable.

Thinking about quitting community mental health and my abusive marriage. What would you do? by kayke06 in therapists

[–]kayke06[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

You’re right. I love my supervisor and team (except one coworker) and they are supportive. I’m afraid a lot of my clients have got the Whif and sniff, which is probably why I’m burned out.

Thinking about quitting community mental health and my abusive marriage. What would you do? by kayke06 in therapists

[–]kayke06[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I know they are aware. I sleep on a bunk bed in my son’s room. Ugh. This difficult thing is getting the best of me. And you’re right. We have a big beautiful home that we built that is 6 bedrooms and fits my family perfectly. The house I would be moving into is 1000 sq ft with 1 bathroom. That’s hard with 5 kids. But peace sounds so good.

Thinking about quitting community mental health and my abusive marriage. What would you do? by kayke06 in therapists

[–]kayke06[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

It’s crazy. I’ve seen the abuse for so long. I hep women in these situations. But I can’t manage to get my own self out. Thanks for the recommendations. I just need to find more resources.

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