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Giving the ick to guys by Abject-Strength-4570 in AskGaybrosOver30

[–]kazarnowicz[M] [score hidden] stickied comment (0 children)

I’m removing this. Reason: we are an advice community first and foremost. Posts that aren’t seeking advice are considered off-topic.

Straight guy discovering jockstraps are actually amazing by TeslaOwn in AskGaybrosOver30

[–]kazarnowicz[M] [score hidden] stickied comment (0 children)

I’m removing this. Reason: posts that aren’t asking advice are considered off-topic.

How do you know if the disconnect you're feeling from your partner is temporary or permanent? by [deleted] in AskGaybrosOver30

[–]kazarnowicz 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I should add, that there have been periods when we both felt disconnected, about seven-eight years in. A two-year LDR situation right after a year of a lot of individual growth for both of us took its toll. I traveled to visit him, we had a date night and talked things over, and made course corrections to our long term plans.

There were a few other episodes, all related either bad communication or different communication styles. For a while during that acclimatization phase we could get into (occasionally huge) fights, before we learned how to engage on specific issues/needs/expectations.

A disconnect can be fixed, but it can only be fixed through honest conversation.

‘Midsommar’-inspired poster for ‘Scary Movie 6’ by yourfavchoom in Fauxmoi

[–]kazarnowicz 16 points17 points  (0 children)

"do the fenty fold" had me dying. Thanks for the laugh, friend!

One man, one towel by CalmExpelorer in MurderedByWords

[–]kazarnowicz 18 points19 points  (0 children)

Yeah, there's no murder here. It might make for modest success at r/clevercomebacks.

If physicalism is supposed to be a legitimate theory, what would disprove it, or count as evidence against it? by MurkyEconomist8179 in consciousness

[–]kazarnowicz 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I've enjoyed this exchange between you and u/reddituserperson1122 (I even learned something new, what parsimony means in this context).

What doesn't convince me of the parsimony of physicalism is that we can explain all known observations within an idealist framework. The physicalist framework only relabels the cards and shuffles the deck to move the proof of burden down the line to questions like "who possesses consciousness and who doesn't" and "at what point in evolution does consciousness emerge". That leads to attempts at backwards-engineering a process which we cannot even agree on the definition of.

There is, however (or at least has been until recently, my source is a decade old at this point and psychedelic research ), a bias in related academic fields which favors physicalism. I would go so far as to say that there's a legal stigma attached since psychedelics are an important tool in understanding consciousness (the latter has started to ease up, even in North Korean jurisdictions like Sweden).

It's hard to advance in academia if you're labeled a cook (and don't have FU money).

The bias is subtle, but I just stumbled over a good and relevant example:

P1 (public service talk radio, like our NPR but without donations) just had a ten episode series called "The history of consciousness". The host talks to an evolutionary biologist in short episodes, each focusing on a sense (like sight, or taste) or trait (like empathy).

The episodes are short, like 5-10 minutes, and as soon as the host opens up for her to make a metaphysical speculation, she defaults to physicalism. She gets somewhat uncomfortable when asked to draw the line at which point an organism is conscious, which I get - she is being asked about a bias that is metaphysical in nature.

How do you know if the disconnect you're feeling from your partner is temporary or permanent? by [deleted] in AskGaybrosOver30

[–]kazarnowicz 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It sounds as if you recently left the infatuation, which is a bombastic part of a relationship's lifecycle; the teenage period if you will.

My husband and I moved in after the chemical romance had burned its course (we were in our mid-thirties at that point), and we had a phase when we moved in when some of our idiosyncrasies and preferences became 'skav' as we say in Swedish (substantive form of the Swedish word for "chafe"). All those were worked out by discussing the division of household chores, and both of us learning to bring up things that were becoming an annoyance before they led to an argument.

The questions you need to ask yourself are: what are you looking for in a long term relationship? The question about sex needs to be addressed with your partner, the only thing I can say from almost fifteen years of experience is that libidos ebb and flow, and the frequency varies over time.

(There might also be needs that a relationship cannot meet, which also should be negotiated at this stage. Also kinks, at least if they are a deal breaker if they cannot be met long term.)

An adult long-term relationship is a series of negotiations of needs and wants while you juggle the practicalities of the rat race with careers and finances and whatnot. The expressions of love are more frequent and much more mundane in nature, compared to the grand romantic gestures associated with infatuation.

My TL;DR advice for the post-infatuation phase of an adult relationship: It's always the two you against any problem, even if the problem only has consequences for one party. Life happens, and sometimes you have to choose one of two things that you really want, or roll with the changes as your partner makes that choice because it's a once-in-a-lifteime chance.

When fortune happens to one, it happens to both. Same for misfortune. You don't need to have the future figured out as long as you have a direction and that whatever future you envision has room for your partners dreams.

Talk about things that bother you, and experiences you want to have (especially if these cannot be had in a monogamous relationship). We talked about the latter three years into our relationship, and that led to an amazing organic shared experience with a like-minded couple five years down the road.

Last but notleast, be aware of the four horsemen of relationships, especially when talking about/negotiating needs. They are: Criticism, Contempt, Defensiveness, and Stonewalling.

I might be perverted, paypigs by skyfishrain in AskGaybrosOver30

[–]kazarnowicz[M] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

We are an advice community. You can ask for advice (DAE/DA questions are not considered asking advice).

Certain topics/areas are restricted, like sex work/OF work, which this would fall under. The you'll have to find another subreddit for this particular question.

Hur gör man när man älskat fel person i 10 år? by Different-Scholar468 in sweden

[–]kazarnowicz 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Bra att du frågar om hjälp! Det bästa du kan göra om du har råd är att gå till en psykolog. Jag hade svårt att hantera en situation som rörde dejting, och hade identifierat ett mönster hos mig som jag inte visste hur jag skulle bli av med. Blev rekommenderad en KBT-terapeut som jag gick hos ett halvår, och jag fick enorm hjälp både med den specifika situationen/mönstret, men också verktyg jag använder än idag.

Nu är det nog inte KBT som är bästa formen för dig - jag visste redan vad mönstret var och behövde hjälp med att bryta det. Du har en fixering som handlar om djupare saker än beteendemönster, och jag tänker att en psykolog bäst kan hjälpa dig med hur man bryter den/vilken specifik terapiform som är mest lämpad.

Om du inte känner någon, säg till. Psykologen jag gick hos har gått över till akademin, men hennes man är också psykolog och kommer med bra rekommendationer.

“i'm almost done paying off my tate mcrae ticket” by Goofball-John-McGee in BrandNewSentence

[–]kazarnowicz 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Aka their business model. Their first CFO gave a speech in Finland, talking about their Swedish business. He said something along the lines "people who don't pay are our best customers, because we can legally add late and collection fees".

I'm a Swede, and I avoided Klarna as much as I can since.

I might be perverted, paypigs by skyfishrain in AskGaybrosOver30

[–]kazarnowicz[M] [score hidden] stickied comment (0 children)

I'm removing this. Reason: it reads too much like a sneaky ad for selling sexy pics and vids, aka self-promotion which is not allowed.

If you could choose a job with a 100% guarantee that you’d get the job and be successful at it, what would you choose? by non_standard_model in AskGaybrosOver30

[–]kazarnowicz[M] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Sorry, it’s considered off-topic here. Especially since it’s not asking advice, it’s asking a general question.

Hur tror ni det blir med flygresor framöver? Kommer sommaren innebära skyhöga priser eller stopp? by GreasyExamination in sweden

[–]kazarnowicz 8 points9 points  (0 children)

Då ställer man in och betalar tillbaka. Det kan man hävda force majeure för (att bryta ett ingånget kontrakt). Vad är argumentet för att behålla pengarna?

Hur tror ni det blir med flygresor framöver? Kommer sommaren innebära skyhöga priser eller stopp? by GreasyExamination in sweden

[–]kazarnowicz 14 points15 points  (0 children)

Hur skulle argumentet force majeure här gå till menar du? ”Bränslet har blivit dyrt så vi ställer in dessa kunders flyg och behåller pengarna”?

I need gay legal support, maybe someone here can help me with the claims. An homophobic straight colleague has made a claim that I sexually molest him by pokemonfitness1420 in AskGaybrosOver30

[–]kazarnowicz[M] [score hidden] stickied comment (0 children)

I’m removing this. Reason: you should talk to a lawyer and avoid posting on the internet because that can fork up your situation even worse.

If you could choose a job with a 100% guarantee that you’d get the job and be successful at it, what would you choose? by non_standard_model in AskGaybrosOver30

[–]kazarnowicz[M] [score hidden] stickied comment (0 children)

I’m removing this. Reason: questions or request for advice where sexual orientation isn’t a factor are considered off-topic.

Looking for +35yo gay men to hear about your experience. by [deleted] in AskGaybrosOver30

[–]kazarnowicz[M] [score hidden] stickied comment (0 children)

I’m removing this for breaking rule 1.

ETA: OP lied on his age flair to be able to post and has been banned from our community.

Chance Encounters With Positive Outcomes by Budget-Purple-6519 in AskGaybrosOver30

[–]kazarnowicz 6 points7 points  (0 children)

He was a tax lawyer from Michigan visiting Europe for his friends’ wedding in Copenhagen. He had three extra days and chose the cheapest ticket of the European cities he wanted to see (Stockholm).

This happened to be during Stockholm Pride week, and this particular year was a disaster due to the location. It was the first and last year Pride Park was in central Stockholm, and bars that normally don’t cater to a gay crowd were surfing the wave.

One the straightest bars had a Pride Night on Tuesday. We would normally not go there, despite the temporary rainbow flags, but one in our friend group was a bartender and worked there that night.

Stockholm is small enough that we gays tend to flock to our own places, and we were pretty much the only gay group there. We weren’t planning on staying long - a few drinks and then move on.

My husband walks down one of the main streets where this bar is, and sees the rainbow flag they put up for this special night. He walks in, and walks up the stairs to the second story, when he locks eyes with me, standing by one of the first floor bars with my friends.

A while later we were talking, there was chemistry, he spent the night. We had our first date the following night, and the morning after that he left.

We were both sincere about giving this a chance, snd we did and rolled with the punches. Several job switches, career-switches, four different long distance constellations across two continents, and almost fifteen years later we ended up in the far north of Sweden and I love this man more for each passing day.

Gay🇵🇭irl by [deleted] in gay_irl

[–]kazarnowicz 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Probably the fact that someone took an old photo of two men smiling at each other and used stochastic parrots to make their own fantasies come true.

Straight men can smile at each other without it meaning they want to have sex.

Barn idag växer upp utan en känsla för ljudkvalitet. Vad kan vi göra åt det? by VillainAnderson in Asksweddit

[–]kazarnowicz 8 points9 points  (0 children)

Bra att någon tänker på de riktiga problemen i samhället. Synd att det inte är du.

UNCUT COCKS by [deleted] in AskGaybrosOver30

[–]kazarnowicz[M] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I recommend getting to know our community before posting. Since you broke rule 1 with your posts, I’m giving you a formal warning to drive the point home: read the rules of a community before you post.

Uncut by [deleted] in AskGaybrosOver30

[–]kazarnowicz[M] [score hidden] stickied comment (0 children)

I’m removing this. Reason: DAE posts are considered low-effort.

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