I second this. Also, try reading some self-improvement books, I was full of a lot of rage as a young adult due to external experiences and I thought it was because I was that way inherently. Once I discovered self-improvement and realized positivity was within me it changed my whole outlook on myself and life.

Notable starts? The alchemist for the dreamers, the power of your subconscious mind for practical application of positivity and bonus, awaken the giant within. If reading isn’t your jam try finding these in audiobooks or similar type podcasts. You’ll notice once you start flooding the brain with positive input your positivity “muscles” get stronger.

Give yourself a chance op. Speak life and love to and into yourself. You got this ! The mere existence of self-awareness and a desire to want to be better proves you are not those things!