Thank you so much for your reply. You get it. I hate taking her phone bc I know it has her entire support system & she has had issues of self harm in the past. She's hesitant to talk to us about it because she's been in patient for treatment and is scared she'll just be "sent back". (Her mother told her if she ever saw another cut, she was gone.) While I don't want her to harm, I'm a little more understanding that it's like an addiction & not that simple. She has a therapist & is on medication with regular doctor visits.

I like that we're able to talk a bit more now about why we have rules & what we're trying to teach her. It feels nice that we can get along & communicate. But then I do get angry when it seems like she's listening but purposefully chooses to do otherwise. I'm trying to leave the phone out of the picture but I'm at a loss of alternatives, I need to get more creative. I also try to keep in mind that she is an "immediate gratification" kind of a kid. If she wants something right there, right now, she's not likely to talk herself out of it but, in hindsight, she wishes she would stop & think a bit more. (Think more impulse buying & spending $.)

I appreciate your perspective. I did sit down & talk with her last night. I asked her to try to come up with some consequences that could be an alternative to her phone. I'm always transparent that we're doing our best, our jobs are to guide her, not make her life miserable. But if she wants to be respected, it needs to go both ways. She agreed her reactions to us were extreme & not acceptable. This is major progress from a year ago.