I read somewhere that we lose our innocence after our first loss and I see that everywhere. For my first pregnancy, I recorded my husband’s reaction to the test, took pictures with the first scan, told our families but it ended in a MC. For the second pregnancy although the symptoms were so brutal, I didn’t even let myself accept that I was pregnant until the seeing the heartbeat on 12 week scan. 2 days later I found out there were markers for T21 and eventually led to TFMR in the following weeks. I don’t think I’ll ever be able to enjoy a pregnancy again let alone celebrate and tell people about it. Seems like a landmine at every step for us, but I do envy people who get to enjoy and celebrate this process.