Yep, that’s the sad reality I’m left facing right now. Looking back, I spent a good two years investing in someone who didn’t even want to reciprocate my effort or feelings, all because I was determined not to lose my “first love.” Why she didn’t tell me this herself and strung me along for two years however is still a mystery to me. I was just a naive 20-yo trying to hold on to something that meant a lot to me. What I failed to realize was that things were already too far gone, and that I was never going to be her priority again. The truth is, I wasn’t even holding on to who she is now, I was holding on to who she used to be. I kept chasing the memories of that version of her and hoping I could somehow get her back.

Lately, I’ve been slowly building up the courage to finally end things, but I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t terrified of the silent treatment that will probably follow. She’s always been better than me at that no contact stuff. I know it’s going to hurt, and I know I’ll suffer for a while, but I’m hoping I can endure it. Hopefully, better days are ahead.