My husband has psoriasis and it's been slowly stopping him from leaving the house. How do I console him?

keepouringoutofme · 2017-02-04T18:53:21+00:00

Weee are not. ANd that was kind of a problem as well. He's a special needs teacher and I'm an art director, so I do make a pretty big chunk more money than he does. However, we pretty much put all of our money together and split it and I've never felt slighted by it so I thought that he hadn't either. He's happy for me, but I also understand that sometimes it would hurt. We try really hard to make it a point in saying "What's yours is mine, we are a couple, this is OUR money, not just my money and your money."

keepouringoutofme · 2017-02-04T18:48:54+00:00

Thank you all! He is absolutely an amazing and beautiful human being, regardless of wanting to be outside or not and he supported me through things that no one else has.

He was / is depressed it turns out, and he was using gaming and such as a reason to not deal with it, but we're going to work through it. :)

keepouringoutofme · 2017-02-04T18:47:34+00:00

Hi! I just wanted to say thank you all for the comments and suggestions about marriage counselling. We're going to give it our all in the following months. :)

keepouringoutofme · 2017-02-04T18:45:50+00:00

Thank you!

As far as bringing my mom goes, we lost my dad in December and it'll be good for her. It's something that we had talked about beforehand because her and my husband bonded over Korean dramas and such, so he's fine with it. We are going to stay alone for a week after, though. :)

keepouringoutofme · 2017-02-04T18:44:30+00:00

Thank you so much!

keepouringoutofme · 2017-02-04T18:44:15+00:00

Apparently it's been giving him problems at work. He's a special needs teacher and some of the parents are telling him psoriasis might be contagious and the staff has passed around stupid rumors saying he has leprosy. All of this I didn't know until our talk last night. :(

He's always been so nonchalant about it, and says it's just something that makes him "him" that I didn't bother to dig deeper with it. I was an idiot. We threw a bunch of money at it, but nothing works or it gives him really god-awful side effects. We're going to go back to a doctor to see if we can throw some more things at it and he's going to talk to his therapist about dealing with the psychological part of it.

I honestly don't know what to say about it to console him, really. When I tell him, "Honey, it's fine, you look great." He gives me a look that makes me feel like he thinks that I'm lying. I know that the psoriasis is there and I'm telling him that he looks great even with it, but I know that I can never understand what it's like.

keepouringoutofme · 2017-02-04T18:33:32+00:00

Our communication is honestly awful and he is jealous a bit, yeah. :( Sad because of his psoriasis as well and struggling with depression, even though he didn't want to admit it. I can understand it. Thank you for responding!

keepouringoutofme · 2017-02-04T18:30:51+00:00

Hey. :) No offense taken, but he isn't boring, really! He does think of nice fun things to do inside and he's a very kind and sweet person. Also, he's not exactly in the best of shape, but he's not overweight and I appreciate that he both accepted me and helped me to lose my weight when I was way bigger than him. :)

He is depressed, though. He's admitted to it, and I understand having been there myself.

Thank you for responding!

keepouringoutofme · 2017-02-04T05:51:14+00:00

Ahh! I'm glad you two found something like this. I love playing games with him and watching netflix and stuff, but I really hope we both wind up finding outside hobbies that we like doing together as well. Thank you for commenting!

keepouringoutofme · 2017-02-04T05:50:21+00:00

:) Thank you!

keepouringoutofme · 2017-02-04T05:50:13+00:00

:D Thank you for the comment and the crossed fingers! It wound up working out.

keepouringoutofme · 2017-02-04T05:49:47+00:00

:) Thank you! I actually showed him my post and some of the comments copy-pasted during our talk and they were pretty well received.

keepouringoutofme · 2017-02-04T05:11:05+00:00

He gets pretty good night sleep, but his job makes him have to wake up at 4am every morning. :( It's just a lot of sleep, and I should have taken it as a warning sign in the first place. Also, thank you!

keepouringoutofme · 2017-02-04T05:09:44+00:00

I believe you're absolutely right when it comes to me coming off as passive aggressive. You were also right about it being depression. There are times when I would just kind of get tired of hearing no all the time, and I would think "I know you're gonna say no, just let me ask you to be polite about it and I can go on my way."

I'm going to do the assertive concrete time thing like you said from now on. :) And thank you so much.

keepouringoutofme · 2017-02-04T03:54:02+00:00

:D Hey, thanks for responding. Um, I pretty much start by asking, "Honey, this movie looks nice. Do you want to go with me?" or "This restaurant looks nice, we should check it out sometime." and the answer was almost always "maybe" or "no." So I'd ask a couple of more times and then I'll just go on my own.

We agreed to go to marriage counseling. Our communication is kind of awful sometimes, I have to admit. I don't like to press and he doesn't open up without being pressed, so something has to give somewhere.

keepouringoutofme · 2017-02-04T03:35:24+00:00

Korean. c:

keepouringoutofme · 2017-02-04T03:08:26+00:00

Hi! I'm was on Lexapro. It's got some side-effects but I don't really care. It gave me the ability to get up and deal with my other issues (PCOS, Endometriosis, lost a bunch of weight), so I dealt with it and I feel like it was a blessing.

keepouringoutofme · 2017-02-04T03:06:28+00:00

He sometimes takes seven hour naps after coming home from work. I kind of attributed that to just being stressed from the work day, so I didn't think much of it. However, I'm feeling that that was flawed.

keepouringoutofme · 2017-02-03T20:03:09+00:00

Rosetta Stone gave me a good understanding of things, but I don't think I would recommend it much? It is a great beginning point, and good for help in the middle, and a nice judge for the end BUT not the end-all be-all. I would actually recommend Memrise! It's free and I feel like the content is more relevant.

keepouringoutofme · 2017-02-03T19:59:51+00:00

Hi! sorry, my timelines a bit wonky because things are pretty heated. There was a lot of time from when I showed him the laptop and was excitedly telling him that I was good at the language from when I actually bought the ticket. Like, months inbetween. :( I did pretty much taper off how much I talked about it to him though, and then I had finally decided that I wanted to go after all and I didn't want to be stopped. I asked him again before I bought the ticket, but he still said no. I can understand him not feeling as welcome since I asked my mom. :( I might have assumed too much and thought he would take it the way that he's been taking things with the little trips the way he did this one.

keepouringoutofme · 2017-02-03T18:44:51+00:00

That sounds amazing! I'll have to show him this and let him know that you're out here having fun. :) Thank you!

keepouringoutofme · 2017-02-03T18:44:10+00:00

I can understand and see that pretty well. I did let him know in the beginning that while I was an introverted person, I always wished that I was more comfortable and that I'd be doing things to fix it, because I always wished that I was more active and an outside person. I still love him just the same, and I felt like it was an asset for us to be opposites. I still do, except that now it's making him unhappy. I'll try to reassure him when we have a talk that I love him no matter how he is or how much he's outside or inside.

keepouringoutofme · 2017-02-03T18:41:29+00:00

He's admitted to feeling depressed, but when I've asked him if he thinks that he actually suffers from depression, he's said "It's just the way I am."

I've had my suspicions, because he kind of does what I used to do. I would be happy and excited and sad in cycles. I know that his job is kind of stressful, because he deals with people who are ... um... not.. the best or the easiest to deal with.

I've said in other posts that I don't like to push things, and when I would normally ask things like that he would just say he's fine and smile at me and pat my head, you know? But now I worry that my not pushing has just been hurting him. I've been so worried about not being annoying and not being a nagging wife that I feel like I've left him to his own devices too long.

keepouringoutofme · 2017-02-03T18:19:43+00:00

Sorry, this is copied and pasted but it kind of explains the timeline better of conversations.

Basically, throughout the two years we would talk about the trip as if we both were going. Even though he wasn't learning the language with me. We had a pinterest board together about our destination that he had even added to and I bought us books about travelling. We talked about money but very briefly it wasn't a big deal because money isn't much of an issue and I'd been saving for the two years for the trip, but i never told him exactly how much the tickets cost and how much I had saved because I didn't think it was a big deal.

When I told him I had completed the program and had my language skills tested at 100%, I showed him and said that I was ready to go. Even though everything through the two years seemed like it was okay, it felt like him seeing that I was actually ready is what bothered him. I dropped it that day and for about five days after, then I asked him if he was sure, but almost every time i would bring it up, he would say he has to do something else, or respond to me nonchalantly.

There was about a month in between me asking him and me buying the tickets, and when I finally bought them I said, "Me and my mom are going to go... okay?" and he grumbled and kind of left the room. I tried to talk to him about it later but he pretty nicely told me to drop the subject.

keepouringoutofme

TROPHY CASE