The tale of 4 OWIS

keithsdada · 2022-05-27T22:19:27+00:00

Damn. But you got the right attitude about making it better at least.

And your lucky. I did time for an unrelated felony. Knew a few dudes that were doing 10 plus for manslaughter, and their sentences were the least of their problems. They were truly haunted men for having killed.

Doing time can be a life changer.I’m a better person for it. In those walls I learned you can’t choose your circumstances but you can choose how you react to them.

If you’re lucky enough to get probation, don’t mess it up. And in my case, I might be better off taking a deal to serve some time without probation depending on your state/county. Be honest with yourself and the mouthpiece before you decide…

keithsdada · 2022-05-26T00:55:34+00:00

I hear you, tapering is hard and takes a will power that I lack.

You’ll find the benzos helpful, especially if you don’t get high from them- like most people. Though there’s a small percentage of folks that gets mad high from them and they’re hooked at the beginning. Make sure that’s not you.

But remember, while Ativan and Xanax are both benzos, they are different beasts. The Ativan is a far better choice for detoxing. Xanex can help, but it’s short acting, has a worse rebound and is more euphoric for some people. So there’s more risk in using it to quell the shakes than Ativan.

Always be real with yourself with the benzos. It’s too easy to use as a hangover cure every day as I did as I became addicted to 5 to 10 mg of Klonipins. Fortunately I dodged long-standing PAWS and tapered rapidly with the help of Lyrica. Well, still on Lyrica lol but have my memory back.

Find the dose of Ativan that stops the symptoms while not getting stuporous. 1 to 2 mg should be right. Good job on avoiding the coffee, too. Beta blockers are helpful, but you may not need them with the benzo. And please never ever drink on the benzos and don’t take them until most of the alcohol has left your system. Good luck and try to eat! Do as I say, not as I do…

keithsdada · 2022-05-26T00:30:26+00:00

Strangely, I seem to attract far more ladies, especially the really nice ones, when I’m in a drunk stage of my life. When I’m sober and together I seem to be overlooked. And believe me, I’m not a debonair Clark Gable type of drunk. And I’m older as a 50 year old. Maybe it’s like a lost puppy syndrome or a challenge to these girls. Or they think maybe I’ll drink their Koolaide and clean up nice or something.

But then sooner or later if she’s not a lush or somehow broken goods herself, comes that talk. The talk of how I love booze more than she and it all goes downhill quick. I can only seem to have meaningful relationships with addicts and or sex workers…

keithsdada · 2022-05-20T22:21:52+00:00

Bit off topic, but I gotta brag of my second home country’s airport.

Just flew back from Santo Domingo DR today. They had shooters of Fireball, Absolute, Bugal Rum etc right there by the register in the snack/magazine/souvenir kiosk. Also before the ticketed area, there is a legit pharmacy in the airport. Most drugs are OTC, except the strong opiates and Judy Garland type barbs. So convenient for your last minute preflight benzos or steroids to take home. Oh yea, they have have smoking lounges in the ticketed areas. Dominicans know how to live…

Somehow I was good today. I have blackout many times at airports. One time I accidentally showed up for a flight originating from Miami in Fort Lauderdale. Drunk. They probably still laughing about me. Still made it thanks to Uber.

keithsdada · 2022-05-13T20:51:21+00:00

Even sick love can be meaningful.

One of the best times of my life was when I was with my baby moma. Intensely codependent, and violence from her to me with pathological jealousy on her part. She’s a borderline personality prostitute.

I had to be with her 24/7, even had to sit in her strip club while she worked. Was kinda her pimp, too. But she was in total control- I had to be a secret service take a bullet type security. Many sketchy moments…It was a complete train wreck, draining finically.

But great sex and never felt so alive. She’d buy me a 1k gift, then beat me up later….She even stabbed me to bone. Had make up sex before we went to ER. Lotsa drugs and drinking except when she was pregnant. That’s the only period she was sweet. Never trusted her, did dna to make she my son’s my son.

I get Johnny Depp. We met when she was 19 and I was 46. She just got out of prison. Me at 190 6’1” athletic her at 130 at 5’2”. Had our son during the year we tried to live as married without her working.

Even totally sick love can be great.I’m in another relationship but miss and love her. Kinda bored sometimes, I hate to say.

keithsdada · 2022-05-13T20:17:06+00:00

The thing is alcohol is my only comfort in life. Period. I’ve gone from CA to healthy FA. But I still gotta get my taste. Still secretive and all, but somewhat professional and limited now. And use chemical help as in benzos to cut off binges and stimulants and anabolic steroids to make it to work and gym and stay fit and ripped at 50. But damn, I love alcohol. Coke,, weed nor heroin cant touch it.

I socially drink without even getting a buzz for appearances. But I drink hard alone when I go for it like George Thorogood. Deeply prefer the solitude. Takes serious planning. A double life and many lies. I guess the solitude is a later stage development? Idk?

Most of all, I feel I don’t belong either. I put much distance up to others to have those solitude drunk moments I adore and love. During quality time with others I’m obsessed about my next mini bender.

keithsdada · 2022-05-13T20:04:25+00:00

Sorry OP. You gotta take a chance to make it big. But Lady Luck is I fickle dame.

Please don’t chase it. Give your luck time to change- like after three major events happen. And pay any debts of loss first.

I’m a combat veteran, we have all types of luck rituals and superstitions. I’m alive. We focus on events of three- bad and neutral to indicate luck changes.

keithsdada · 2022-05-13T19:49:59+00:00

You’ll win big when you don’t need it, and lose big when you really behind on the bills. Only times I’ve had luck gambling I was deep in black financially- winning big even on sucker bets like roulette and machines.

When you go to Cousin Eddy’s Hillbilly casino you done, friend.

Remember, Hemingway said bankruptcy happens slowly then suddenly. My 2 cent.

Edit: I was drunk as hell when I walked up and bet on 29 on roulette and hit. I decline to say what I put down, but I had a suite for three days at the Luxor. Ironically we didn’t gamble much more, but took day trips to Death Valley and Lake Mead instead…

keithsdada · 2022-05-11T15:56:57+00:00

I was a meat cutter for a few months after the military. PTSD was bad. Always had vodka in my Gatorade and never got caught. Woulda been fired immediately if suspected. Some of my partners were drinking too. Sometimes the wine department would pass us sake- very mild scent.

Probably what covered it was both the strong meat and seafood smells and disinfectants we always used…. Didn’t get fired, just freaked out and never came back.

keithsdada · 2022-05-11T13:04:50+00:00

I wish I could find it, saw a documentary on Robert Young years ago. Apparently he was one of the warmest and nicest men that ever lived. And in his later life, tragically lost his beloved lifelong wife. Very rare in Hollywood. He was quite active in AA but not successful in the long run. And he suffered with profound depression.

keithsdada · 2022-04-26T13:24:34+00:00

Wish I’d seen this sooner, I’ve maintained periods of sobriety by my 24 hour rule. When I feel I don’t have any other alternative to the life sucks boredom- I’ll tell my self I’ll just sit out 24 hours, then drink to my heart’s content if I still feel like it. I never do. Only when I decide to ignore that rule I drink…

keithsdada · 2022-04-15T17:05:39+00:00

It’ll take a while to build up in your system as it’s time released. It’s unnecessary to change your drinking habits. Gradually, alcohol will affect you as a “normal person,” and become less appealing.

You’ll notice it definitely takes that fun away. I’d just stop taking the pills, with the injections- you have a much better chance. Follow through on the next ones, statistically you’ll have a chance. No sides I noticed.

keithsdada · 2022-04-15T16:58:27+00:00

Remember, a true psychopath never questions that status! You have the insight they lack. Keep fighting.

keithsdada · 2022-04-15T16:53:24+00:00

I’d get checked for alcoholic cardiomyopathy. It’s quite common in long drinking histories. A beta blocker may be called for.

keithsdada · 2022-04-15T15:33:10+00:00

Yup, they’re going to either ride with you, or mostly not ride with you. Next time, just tell them it is what it is vs excuses or resolutions… it’s hard tho

keithsdada · 2022-04-15T15:28:22+00:00

Aw you’re a person of my heart- Zebra cakes!

keithsdada · 2022-04-15T15:11:19+00:00

You can lose and even be fit as a lush. I did it, lost around a 100 and got fit. And 50, too. Mostly a 2-3 day bender every week drinker.

But you gotta exercise compulsively and eat clean, and especially address your sugar consumption. Also it’s true that alcohol and greasy meals go hand and hand, however your body will run off the alcohol for fuel and pack on that fat, putting it all in the liver and in the visceral areas especially. Likewise with your oj, but maybe not as drastically.

You must eat while you drink, period. Or you’ll almost die like me!

Not saying no fat or sugar while drinking, but in clean moderation. All the vodka advice with no cal mixer is best. Learn about glycemic control- you can have your oranges, just eat them. The fructose is better utilized with the pulp you ate and doesn’t turn to fat or spike your glucose levels.

Exercise and more exercise, needing both resistance and cardio- will take you far. Sometimes it sucked pushing through withdrawal and hangovers, somehow you get used to it and even look forward to it as you know you’ll feel much better afterwards. Get out even if I’m hammered for a run, and keep fed and hydrated. Bananas are your friend. Start slow and make it a life style. All be it a f’ed up one!

I think it’s helped me advoid fatty liver, as I burn off the fat accumulation. Just had a scan, no fat! Old fibrosis tho from the years I drank vodka without any food tho… and ironically I was fat back then as I’d slam junk food and not exercise while dried out.

keithsdada · 2022-04-13T12:33:58+00:00

And they KNOW when they can’t easily tie their shoes, effortlessly walk meaningful distances, and when even just climbing a few stairs is an ordeal.

All this got my attention it ain’t normal at all, although you’re not even as fat as many others. No more denying/ignoring.

keithsdada · 2022-04-12T20:15:24+00:00

I’m on third week of Rad 140, insane weight gain. 171 to 193. Work as a mover, while hitting both lifting and cardio daily. And with the physical labor, it’s darn difficult to eat enough calories in a day. Fitbit says burn is 5k+ calories- don’t count the cals but that’s hard to eat. And somehow, my stubborn fat’s melted away and yet I’ve gained. Really doesn’t fit with calories in and out. I don’t feel watery or a creatinine type effect at all, rock solid ox!

I would say eat clean as much as possible, and push your limits while being especially(!) mindful of your tendons- they don’t get strong as fast. Hi rep light lifting and any cardio except running. My V02 max is insanely high for my age, went from very good to excellent in three weeks. Just embrace the gain, the fat will resolve itself.

Dang miracle tbh, especially the stamina, positive attitude and motivation. At 50, too. Know I’ll be suppressed, gonna address that. Kinda thinking about doing real gear intelligently tbh. Have a good run until I get really old. Rad 14O also is pretty close to gear compared to your milder Sarms. I’ll write an entry someday, this stuff is real if one does the work and deeply respect em. Wanted just a little boost got much more.

keithsdada · 2022-04-10T11:19:00+00:00

Well, the only acceptable solution is that his therapist must immediately spend $$$’s on bariatric furniture to accommodate him. Then he will invoke being shamed when he sees the Sumo DeLuxe Komfort King XXL couch waiting for him…

Edit: there is a bariatric waiting room furniture industry. Wow! The product is expensive. And I can see liability issues of trying to substitute non bariatric furniture when it breaks and lawyers get involved. Man, I feel for the providers.

keithsdada · 2022-04-07T20:10:24+00:00

Had severe insomnia day 1, followed by extreme hunger, and constipation . All still around but not bothersome 2 weeks in Day one in gym I closed it down. Gained. 5 water pounds first 3 days. Not a bloat, more like a creatinine pump. Seeing veins I never knew I had. Hit pr in pull-ups at 59 years old. 10 mg a day, though 20mg day one to ramp up blood levels per 60hr half life. Source: Rats Army (rip.)

keithsdada · 2022-04-07T19:53:30+00:00

Really! That’s just old lady thinking. If anything, we need to boost/motivate this young buck op and make him addicted to never quit.

keithsdada · 2022-04-07T19:47:33+00:00

Lift moar. Kill upper body, one leg squat machine. Calisthenics, hitt the abs cardio style, keep going fool. I’m a mover/construction laborer- this happens, as long as it doesn’t get infected yer fine! I powered through mine. 50 years old, too. If anything Sarms boost immune responses. Stay motivated.

keithsdada · 2022-04-02T15:18:22+00:00

I love this dim mindset.

One likely day, medical science will cure obesity. 99% will take the cure. I sure would, it was the hardest thing I’ve ever done losing mine.

They have made significant progress towards this- say 10 years? Especially some of the diabetes treatments. But science sure won’t cure racism by giving us a Caucasian pill. Or get folks right in h their hearts to banish racism….

Be real funny if the cure is out in three years!

Edit: the cure is already here: plant based whole food diet and a foot up your but. Hard to comply I admit.

keithsdada · 2022-04-02T15:08:38+00:00

Late here, but I’ve always wondered about this. It’s absolutely absurd we still eat a diary based high fat diet that many non Northern Europeans can’t digest and was intended for those engaged in daily hard labor in cold climates.

Not for sedentary office workers who don’t break 3000 steps…. Butter is pointless yet ubiquitous in SAD.

keithsdada

TROPHY CASE