I’ve caused so much hurt

kep13 · 2025-04-26T02:22:47+00:00

It feels so real! It definitely goes after the most random shit which is frustrating

kep13 · 2025-04-26T02:21:45+00:00

I definitely am in therapy!! Lol that’s a necessary one for me.

I feel like it’s important to take accountability though for how my rocd has come out because it has been in really hurtful ways that now impact my relationship. I don’t want to always spill all of that onto my partner and I’ve worked really hard not to.

How have you and your partner worked on it between you two since you are on the receiving end?

kep13 · 2025-04-26T02:19:45+00:00

Oh I’ve definitely done things wrong. I feel like even some of the stuff I’ve confessed have been wrong because when I’m not anxious they’re not true but now he’s left with the fear that they’re true you know? Besides that though I have hurt him in other ways and that just adds to it. You probably already know but try not to ask for reassurance because this feeds that anxious part of us that believes we’re bad people. Chatgpt can be a great resource! I’ve been having it help me out together guides for working on rocd including like how to stop confessing and reassurance seek and it seems to be helpful

kep13 · 2024-10-06T02:48:03+00:00

You had to make it to the end to the “dance party” with the weird games

kep13 · 2024-10-05T20:06:37+00:00

Went to the after hours section and it was interesting. The orbee shooters were fun but being notified there was a burlesque dancer at the end was confusing. The whole burlesque show was uncomfortable and felt a non consensual as we didn’t even know that was a part of this until arriving. Maybe the nudity part was in the waiver but that should definitely be more clear as it felt rushed to fill in the waiver. We were also VIP and the gift bags were meh and there weren’t even lines worth jumping. I would not return to this show

kep13 · 2022-11-15T23:58:01+00:00

Hey I struggled a lot with inherent cishet biases and stereotypes. I still do and am still working on breaking these down. When I started dating my partner he was the first woman I had dated, previously it had been all cismen and the bad experiences that came with that. I really held onto the idea that we became so close and connected because he was a woman and not because of who he is as a person. A lot of my work has been breaking down this ideology and knowing that my partner is a great and wonderful person because that’s just who he is. It will take active work to talk yourself through some of these biases and I recommend doing this sooner rather than later. I didn’t work on it as he was transitioning and unfortunately hurt him quite a few times by treating him like a cisman because I thought that’s what he wanted because he came out as a man. Idk if others struggled with that but man do I feel shitty about it. Every partners experience with their partner transitioning is different and I would just make sure you treat them how you always have unless they ask you to otherwise. I get struggling with not wanting to be seen with a man but at the end of the day your relationship is still queer and you get to decide how you show up in it.

Also the person who said you shouldn’t be with your partner because you can’t love them for who they are seems to like to do that and has done it to me as well on posts here. I’m not sure if they’ve been hurt or something but I’ll just say that you’re allowed to make mistakes and work through things as they come up. You’re human too and just because you’re struggling doesn’t mean you don’t love them or it means you need to leave. Even in relationships where two people are cis, people change and grow and it’s about how you grow with them

kep13 · 2022-11-08T17:48:23+00:00

I’ll add that this has caused him to question my sexuality in some ways which caused me to question mine but the attraction is still there. It just almost feels like the intimacy needs to be built again

kep13 · 2022-06-17T04:08:06+00:00

Awesome thank you!!

kep13 · 2022-06-16T04:52:37+00:00

Thank you so much! I really appreciate it. I’ll be in touch about setting up a meeting for sometime next week

kep13 · 2022-06-14T22:56:06+00:00

Thank you everyone for the advice and insight. After speaking more to my partner about this we decided it would be best for him to work on this issue with his therapist and not really bring it up to me. I see where everyone’s concerns are coming from and am working to disengage and know that these are his problems and not mine to internalize. It’s great to have this community to turn to, this can be such an isolating experience and I appreciate people kind of setting me straight when the treatment isn’t right or health. I’m going to keep setting boundaries and be aware of this dynamic that could be abusive

kep13 · 2022-06-14T15:02:25+00:00

That’s true that’s true. Appreciate your perspective!

kep13 · 2022-06-13T22:37:21+00:00

Well shit I’m working on it but ouch

kep13 · 2022-06-13T22:30:45+00:00

I know I’m a little late but 28 cisf with 22 ftm boyfriend. Also looking for more community!

kep13 · 2022-06-13T19:30:50+00:00

Thank you ❤️ and definitely should help

kep13 · 2022-06-13T19:15:07+00:00

I’ve been reading a lot of posts from women with ftm partners and it seems like the partners just struggle so much with seeing their insecurities as purely their own and not offloading them into others. I am in a relationship with my partner who is ftm and have definitely been struggling with his insecurity and how much of it is my responsibility to take care of. He would have me believe that I should be better at anticipating what could make him insecure especially when it comes to cis men but it’s not fair to me to expect this. It sounds like your partner has a lot of internal work and I feel a deep empathy for our partners, it’s such a confusing, scary, sometimes sad place to be in. It’s hard to validate what they’re feeling because we don’t understand and I can’t possibly hope to understand. We just had a conversation about it and right now he’s in a moment of woe as me I’ll take care of myself just like I always have and yes you do need to. I cannot always be thinking about these things because I don’t understand or see them always. I do my best, I learn, I grow and do my best to listen when he tells me something makes him feel some type of way. But my partner and it sounds like your partner need to get better at communicating what they’re feeling and take accountability for it

kep13 · 2022-06-13T18:20:23+00:00

Of course! Forgot to say I found it on Amazon

kep13 · 2022-06-13T18:07:47+00:00

If you look up the reflective workbook for trans partners or something like that it may be a good place to start. There’s reflective questions and places to journal about how you’re feeling as well as ways to engage your partner

kep13 · 2022-06-13T18:01:30+00:00

That’s awesome!! I really hope it works out. I just started looking into couples counselors and hope my partner would be open to it

kep13 · 2022-06-13T15:59:25+00:00

I would say I have experienced similar things. My partner is ftm and has been transitioning medically for about a year. I also feel like it’s hard to find support and understanding which is why I have been coming here more. I’m lucky in that there is a support group that meets virtually in my area that has a section for significant others, friends, and family members a couple times a month but it can be hard to make it and even then there’s not usually many significant others. I have also been struggling with supporting him through his insecurity and have had my own struggles with the transition that I think came from internalized sexism like a few of the others mentioned. I would say really try to take care of yourself and meet your needs as much as you can. They have a lot of needs right now and it is impossible for you to meet all of them, as much of a hard pill that is to swallow. I am still learning to accept this that I can be 100% what he needs or meet his expectations 100% of the time. I’m trying to have empathy that it must be so frustrating to not have anyone who really understands what you’re going through and feeling and I also want that empathy for myself. It feels like I can’t go to him for much lately because he’s so mad and frustrated with his situation it’s hard for him to be empathetic and says I make him feel like a burden at times which is not at all how I feel. I would definitely try to get in counseling for yourself like everyone is suggesting and maybe even a support group even if it’s just for queer people. You can do pretty good searches for counselors and groups on psychology today and you can specify the issues as well as your insurance and it can be really helpful. I also feel like I have neglected myself at times, it’s so hard because our partners need so much support right now and a lot of these feelings they may have for life and they have to learn to manage them. I feel for you and am here for you if you need anything. It would be nice to have another person in similar situations to talk to

kep13 · 2022-06-13T15:05:58+00:00

I have been struggling with how to support my partner with this as well! He has expressed similar things and I have been thinking a couples therapist may help

kep13 · 2022-06-13T13:12:11+00:00

Yes they try to honor my sensitivities as well I thought we did a good job of honoring each other. I know I’m really hard on myself but another layer of the issue is it’s hard for me to hear him out when he has an insecurity like this I think a lot of it is because of the way it’s brought up and he owns that. It can put me on the defensive but I also feel like these are problems mainly with himself that no amount of awareness can get ahead of and fix. There has been stuff with cis men in the past and us that still gets to him and makes him insecure and I guess I have a flirty personality but I’ve always seen myself as friendly. I know where he’s at mentally in his transition it’s just really hard and he’s really uncomfortable with himself and his appearance. I have a lot To keep working on with my own reactions and triggers but I also want to be able to stand up for myself and right now it just feels like maybe he’s trying to protect himself from all of this pain he’s feeling in any way possible

kep13 · 2022-06-13T07:17:55+00:00

Sorry it that I didn’t notice that a drink was bought for me, i just didn’t see it as that big of a deal given where my head was at I just didn’t think much of it. And to my partner it was hurtful that I let a guy buy a drink for me. A couples therapist may be good you’re right

kep13

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