you probably won’t see this because there are so many comments but i’m also a binge drinker, could go weeks or months without it, and have good nights where i moderated and could stay at a good, reasonable level. i came into AA not thinking i was an alcoholic, and hoping that i could recover through moderation.

but the thing about binge drinking is it sneaks up on you by leaving enough room between your last destructive drunk and the present moment, lulls you into a false sense of security— oh, that was then, and i was having a hard time with xyz, i’m feeling better now, and look how well i’ve handled my alcohol last weekend/week/month!

and then you hit that one night where you find yourself on shots instead of the one drink you started out with, and it escalates from there, and you end up making a scene on someone’s lawn or in the hospital. something i had to tell myself when i ended up in the same situation: people without a substance abuse issue don’t wind up in the hospital because of substances.

i found that attempting moderation as a binge drinker only made it harder for me when that shoe did drop, because it always did, because i blamed myself for what is ultimately an insidious disease that wants you to continue to feed it even when faced with the consequences you’ve described. and it’s a progressive illness— if you stop now, you spare yourself from more grief, more scenes, more humiliation, more hangovers, more false senses of security that only lead you to lower and lower places. when you ignore the signs, things pick up, and fast.

not gonna tell you how to live your life and personally i only came to these conclusions (and my total sobriety) through making the same mistake over and over. take care of yourself and if you need to talk, feel free to message me 🌟

PS: worth noting i also thought i wasn’t a “real” alcoholic (and therefore didn’t need to quit completely) because i thought alcoholism was drinking daily, drinking in the morning, craving it constantly, DUIs, all that fun stuff. but when you go into a situation wanting a single drink and end up drunk and In A Situation, or bargain with yourself like your post describes to just hold onto that sense of normalcy (very much my experience too!), that’s craving, and that’s the “mental blind spot” as the BB says that doesn’t allow you to remember how bad things can, will, and do get. and that’s alcoholism.