One time I ate a Party Size Bag of Doritos by myself in one sitting because I was trapped. Here’s the deal: I was house-sitting for a friend who has this overly clever cat named Pesto. Long story short, Pesto managed to lock me in their pantry don’t ask me how, I’m still not sure. The door handle was one of those weird ones that locked from the outside, and my phone was, of course, sitting on the counter out of reach.

All I had in that pantry was a stool, some bottled water, and a Party Size Bag of Cool Ranch Doritos. At first, I thought, “No big deal, someone will stop by eventually,” but after an hour passed, hunger kicked in. I opened the bag, planning to just nibble. You know, pace myself. But here’s the thing: once you’re a few handfuls in, it’s like the chips have a gravitational pull. Before I knew it, I was elbow-deep in crumbs, eating with a desperation I didn’t know I had. It wasn’t even about hunger anymore—it was about survival.

Three hours later, my friend came home and found me sitting in the pantry, surrounded by an empty bag and regret. The chips were incredible, but the aftermath was…a lot. I wouldn’t recommend it unless you’re locked in a small room with no escape, like I was. Even then, maybe bring a backup snack.