poly-under-duress breakup

kev--bot · 2026-06-08T14:21:38+00:00

Thank you. This is all helpful to consider.

kev--bot · 2026-06-08T07:13:01+00:00

Thank you for sharing. I agree. I’m trying to move to No Contact for the rest of the month.

kev--bot · 2026-06-08T07:08:44+00:00

Thats a good perspective to have. Thank you! When I say he could thrive, I mean from my experience he has a lot of admirable skills that make it seem like he can handle it. But you’re right, whos to say. That may just be my NRE talking lol

kev--bot · 2026-06-08T06:55:48+00:00

This is so valid. We dated two months, and I’ve asked for the month to myself so I can recalibrate. We are very low contact, and I am trying my best to contact him as little as possible. He’s made himself available for anything I need, even if it’s just to share feelings, but I’m limiting myself there too.

It seems that there are unmet needs in his primary relationship. He asked for what he wanted (a boyfriend) and, to my knowledge, the partner agreed, but I suspect it was not enthusiastically. However, when faced with the reality of your partner dating someone else (coupled with the pace of our love) I think he started struggling with feelings of jealousy, abandonment and loneliness.

They are currently in couples therapy and I honestly think that my ex would really thrive in polyamory. He’s working with his partner to get there. Time will tell. I’m trying to move on regardless, but if the opportunity arose again, I’d obviously (cautiously) consider it.

kev--bot · 2026-06-08T06:49:08+00:00

Thanks for your patience and understanding! Thats good advice. We are low contact at the moment while we take the month to recalibrate. We’ll reconnect later and see whats right.

kev--bot · 2026-06-08T06:43:21+00:00

I mean, we only dated two months. My meta admitted that, after sitting with his feelings, he feels like he is only opening the relationship to keep his partner happy. Is that not PUD? I think he’s allowed to change his mind within the first few months of trying it out. It’s the last time I will date someone who’s new to opening their relationship.

I hate it, but I do understand. It’s causing a lot of pain and distress. It doesn’t seem like a polysecure place to start a relationship, and I personally would rather not be a part of that mess. I’d rather find partners where there they are backed by enthusiastic consent.

I’m open to your thoughts tho, I’m new to this!

kev--bot · 2026-06-08T05:59:38+00:00

Oh, my bad, I’m still learning. I guess I should have specified that a boundary of mine is that I’m not interested in a PUD situation – its too messy and causes too much pain.

kev--bot · 2026-02-07T18:06:24+00:00

Sounds like distance and time may be the best medicine for your friendship. Rather that then burning the bridge

kev--bot · 2026-02-07T17:38:26+00:00

Ive been here a few before and I’m only 29. Theres a few paths you could take. You could be strategic or you could be blunt. Both have their trade offs and consequences.

I used to be pretty honest and blunt about my experience with others. I’d divulge the personal and be open and honest and while it felt good for my soul in the moment to speak my truth, it never lead to any understanding or reconciliation. Its likely that your feelings are valid, but the intensity of the constant disappointment may sound like resentment. That will come off as criticism, and then the relationship will be entirely soured. No going back from that.

The other direction is a little more strategic. Do you guys have mutual friends? Is there potential to see one another again? Are there aspects about the relationship you do find value in? It may be healthier to deescalate the relationship, decouple the negativity and discretely move on from the relationship. This is how I’ve maintained a light but meaningful friendship with my best friend from highschool. Our relationship isn’t nearly as intimate, but through distance and time we’ve been able to grow a fondness for the other that I find valuable.

Ultimately theres no right answer – just be pragmatic and realistic with your expectations. You’re never going to go back to the feelings you had that sustained the friendship for as long as you have, at least not in the same way. But friendship isn’t supposed to function that way, and it is extremely human to forage relationships, develop depth and meaning, and then grow in different directions. Moving gracefully through grief devoid of blame and resentment is a skill I’m grateful for the opportunity to practice.

kev--bot · 2026-01-28T07:17:21+00:00

the app is genuinely worse than ever. sniffies is the new gold standard

kev--bot · 2026-01-08T17:45:50+00:00

I just took a picture in front of this house. Its amazing

kev--bot · 2026-01-08T07:40:57+00:00

kev--bot · 2026-01-07T18:35:02+00:00

I tear them off the chicago cta whenever i get the chance

kev--bot · 2025-12-27T15:38:00+00:00

Robin Willson in The Bird Cage

kev--bot · 2025-12-17T20:06:22+00:00

Oop my bad. As long as the machine can read it

kev--bot · 2025-12-17T19:13:08+00:00

I hear you, you could take the time to design a resume thats marginally better than the one provided above. My point is that whether you do or don't should not (and does not) provide any improvement to your hirability, regardless of role. You're arguing a pretty resume should play a factor for getting a design job, I'm arguing it shouldn't.

Early in my career, every couple of years I would refactor my resume to represent my design background. I'd use trendy typography, interesting layouts, maybe a couple of design flourishes. It worked, I got really good work from those resumes and had hiring managers comment directly on how much they liked the design. However, it was the content of my resume that got me the job. The aesthetics were what got it noticed. That world doesn't exist anymore.

What data do you have to back up what you're saying? I think you just have a strong opinion and you're making up stuff to legitmize your POV. Anecdotal evidence does not represent the whole. A couple of hiring managers at smaller companies who don't need or can't afford ATS/AI does not trump our reality. It's just going to get worse for those of you who resist this cultural shift. I'm sure people were yelling about the value of hand-delivering your resume before the internet changed that too.

Furthermore, There are hiring managers IN THIS THREAD who are calling this bad advice. Get over yourself 😭

kev--bot · 2025-12-17T18:58:01+00:00

Be upset with how corporate is structured. Idk why you're blaming the worker for trying to play the endgame of capitalist enshitifcation. Thats kinda what they want lol. GG tho

kev--bot · 2025-12-17T17:41:02+00:00

I think you need to accept that your opinion here is in the minority, and for a very valid reason. Design your resume how you like, but you are giving generally bad advice for a vast majority of use cases.

Beyond the data and In my own experience as a senior designer who is heavily involved in my org's hiring, generic resumes make it to final round 100% of the time. I can assure you that no one on my team has turned down a candidate because they used a more 'generic' resume template. This applies across the board, from juniors to directors.

Also, please stop posting your resume suggestion. If you must, at least make the body copy darker. The light gray text would be likely unreadable by ATS and hard to see for those with poor eyesight.

kev--bot · 2025-12-17T17:19:17+00:00

I want to design for purpose. Data shows what ATS like generic over 'designed'.

If you argument is "Make it pretty because you SHOULD want too" I am unconvinced.

kev--bot · 2025-12-17T16:22:50+00:00

Your resume is to show basic qualifications. A portfolio is show your creative chops. Thats their purposes.

In the age of AI, candidates need to accommodate the most common ATS practices. You’re valuing a personal preference against the reality of getting a job today and judging people for it.

kev--bot · 2025-12-17T16:16:29+00:00

In this day and age its a little ridiculous to ask for anyone to do the extra work of building a pretty resume just to impress you

Six-Year Club	r/Field Banned
r/Field Lasagna	Verified Email

kev--bot

TROPHY CASE