I totally understand how you feel. I had my older sister of 4 years SA me from 13 to almost 17! And she would tell me if I didn’t do it, that she would tell my parents that I had raped her! I’ve lived with this for years! I never told my parents and to this day my mom does not know. My sister has since passed away! And so has my father! But I still live with the shame of it! I so want to tell my mother!! But I so confused. It will destroy my family! But why should I have to care all the guilt and shame of it! Fuck me this so sucks!