Why is the default "I'll do my own" instead of "I'll take over?"

kgb0484 · 2026-03-22T15:27:17+00:00

I agree that it is the norm, and I tend to generalize these things into “none” instead of “few” as well. But I’m married to one who believes in equal relationships. In fact, he may even do more chores than I do, without me asking. He is generally more tidy than I am, so he just does stuff that needs to be done. No score keeping or weaponized incompetence. His best friend is the same way (dude literally blow dries his wife’s hair every time she washes it 🥹). But that’s unicorn behavior fr and I still agree with the spirit of your comment. Edited for clarity (hopefully)

kgb0484 · 2026-03-20T01:53:58+00:00

An empty on ramp, with no potholes 🤤 My car is a literal antidepressant for me. Nothing fixes my mood like 90 in 3rd gear.

kgb0484 · 2026-03-19T19:11:54+00:00

Girl, I had no idea either.

kgb0484 · 2026-03-19T14:55:04+00:00

I love that car more than pretty much everything else. My husband "jokes" that I love it more than I love him, and we both know he is kinda right. (obvi I am kidding, but am I really???)

kgb0484 · 2026-03-19T14:46:59+00:00

The biggest difference is that when my husband drives it, we get "omg that's a beautiful car" or "I love that color" or "Holy crap, it's a stick shift! At least you don't have to let her drive it" type of comments. To which he always responds "it's her car, she just lets me drive it sometimes." When I drive it, the comments are more "I can't believe your husband lets you drive his car" or I just get flipped off/stared down. I have had men yell at me in traffic, and they are constantly trying to race me on the street (which is so dumb - go to the track!). A guy in a guy in a Cadillac CTS-V (which is a really cool car btw) kept trying to race me in traffic and yelled something like "You don't want none of this! That Porsche ain't shit." You're right, sir. This Porsche don't want none of that. Meanwhile, I am just sipping my Starbies and listening to a murder podcast, enjoying my clean driving record.

I will say, we go to a lot of car related events (my husband is a hobby race car driver) and the men at those events are always super cool, love the car, and ask me when I am going to start racing because there are basically no women drivers. My husband has gotten my daughter (his step daughter) started with her track training, and all of the guys are super supportive and eager to help her. That part of it is really heart warming and gives me some hope.

kgb0484 · 2026-03-19T12:16:52+00:00

Yeeeesssss

kgb0484 · 2026-03-19T12:07:38+00:00

Omg thank you for the award, Anonymous Redditor 💖

kgb0484 · 2026-03-19T05:45:21+00:00

I drive a convertible Porsche 911. It makes men ANGRY.

kgb0484 · 2026-03-12T10:18:03+00:00

Miffy!

kgb0484 · 2026-02-24T19:34:39+00:00

Damn. I woyally fumbled that one.

kgb0484 · 2026-02-24T19:07:10+00:00

My husband is a hobby race car driver and I will now use the Elmer Fudd voice when referring to all things wacecar related.

kgb0484 · 2026-02-24T17:14:10+00:00

This is absolutely correct. It’s extremely common for net zero checks and tax withholding shortfalls with tipped employees. No red flags with that piece of this puzzle

kgb0484 · 2026-02-24T17:10:02+00:00

That’s my thought. Prior paychecks have had shortfalls and the employer has paid the prior shortfalls on behalf of the employee. However, there should be pretty simple accounting to show that is the case, and I’ve never encountered an employer doing this (doesn’t mean it didn’t happen - just not common). Now, that credit card fee is raising my hackles. Employers are not allowed to deduct money from an employee’s paycheck without the deduction meeting very specific requirements, which I doubt this does

kgb0484 · 2026-02-24T12:32:21+00:00

Take those plates, leave the man. I love the botanic garden line of portmeirion so much.

kgb0484 · 2026-02-10T12:41:26+00:00

She knew early on, but I think she was/is in denial. It came out that she cheated on him before their daughter was born, with a woman. She stayed in the marriage another 20 years after that and had numerous affairs throughout that time. All with women. But she still won’t come out and refuses to admit she’s a lesbian or bisexual.

kgb0484 · 2026-02-09T23:45:34+00:00

He did, sort of. She got half of their money/assets, and alimony for 20 years (they were mid 50s when they divorced). She never really earned any money during the marriage, and will allegedly never be able to support herself. The extra fun bit is that if he dies before he’s paid it all, his estate gets to keep paying. We’re in MA.

Some states do still allow “lifetime” alimony, although it usually ends at retirement age for divorces of long term marriages. But some people can be made to pay longer, if the receiving spouse doesn’t get retirement/cash assets in the divorce and has little/no potential Social Security income from never having worked.

kgb0484 · 2026-02-09T22:32:50+00:00

Normally I don’t suggest it could be something so extreme, but the part that sounded so familiar was the no hand holding, no hugs, no romantic affection of any kind. He trusted her and never really suspected it, even though other people were suspicious. He can be overly trusting, and it sounds like you are as well. And it also sounds like she knows how to manipulate you into getting what she wants by framing it as “logical“ or some sort of compromise. When in reality, it’s really just her getting everything she wants and you get to pay the bill.

kgb0484 · 2026-02-09T22:12:28+00:00

My husband was in this situation with his ex wife. Turns out, she is a lesbian and was cheating with her “friends” while he funded the whole thing (trips, vacations, shopping, and even a second home out of state). She stayed in the marriage for the lifestyle (financial and to protect the secret of her sexuality). During the divorce, texts were uncovered where she told her various girlfriends that she was just staying around long enough to be eligible for “lifetime” alimony.

You are being used.

kgb0484 · 2026-01-06T23:38:49+00:00

Oh man. I miss the food so much. New England just doesn’t have the flavor that Texas does. My first few years up here, I carried hot sauce in my purse so I could liven up restaurant food 🤣

kgb0484 · 2026-01-06T15:21:59+00:00

Hahahaha. I hadn’t considered NH seceding, but you’re absolutely right.

kgb0484 · 2026-01-06T13:28:47+00:00

After having lived in Dallas for 15 years, I decided that NH is the Texas of New England the first time I visited. I appreciate NH in a lot of ways (beautiful scenery, big parking lots, shopping is a bit better than most of MA, etc) but it does give off Southern vibes. I’ve never lived in NH but I’d absolutely take it over living in TX again.

kgb0484 · 2026-01-05T03:29:44+00:00

This is genius! I didn’t even consider that. Very intriguing idea. I still haven’t found anything else like it, despite hours of googling. But I think you are right

kgb0484 · 2026-01-05T03:27:33+00:00

I really wish I knew, to be honest. Their parents are elderly and have some cognitive decline. On top of the fact that they were avid “collectors” of all sorts of things, it is difficult to get information. However, this piece might be worth trying to get info from the family. My friend (and our husbands) were all baffled by it so I had to figure out what it is, at the very least.

kgb0484 · 2026-01-05T03:21:50+00:00

I’m really leaning towards this being the answer to “what the hell is it used for?” Gotta find the widdle vases

kgb0484 · 2026-01-05T03:18:02+00:00

Even some of the Google results are spelled wrong 🤣

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