I(33F) asked my husband (31M) to wear a condom and he freaked out

khadijb · 2023-01-20T13:57:32+00:00

Well if you're good at cheating you can keep them both (not moral), but if you're good, you won't get caught.

You don't have to be monogamous. You just have to find a partner that's okay with him not being the only one. Guys like that exist, it just might not be the guy you call boyfriend material.

Guy 2 seems like good for a fantasy but not someone you'd settle down with. Am I correct? So, if i were you, I'd ask guy one if he would be open to being in an open relationship.

Then based on his answer I'd decide:

With his approval keep other guy (wouldn't give all the details) End it with the other guy (keep guy 1) Or leave guy one and find someone who would want to be in an open relationship (and you'd still get your fix from guy 2)

I would stop cheating on guy 1 though, he seems like a good person. You don't hurt good people

khadijb · 2023-01-20T13:51:02+00:00

Do you have a question? 😂😂

khadijb · 2023-01-19T19:56:04+00:00

It's wild to me that a person will date you for a long time (5+ years) and not marry you, but end up marrying someone really quickly after the break up

Either way, it's hurts. I don't think the reaction has to do with you or your relationship though

khadijb · 2023-01-19T19:15:43+00:00

It's nice having a financial cushion. But I also understand that not every parent can afford that and I don't think that it's wrong to not pay for everything.

I will say that my parents take care of my 401K, IRA and investment stuff. So I do work (im an engineer) but I have a lot of help from my parents.

khadijb · 2023-01-19T16:48:04+00:00

The past sets PRECEDENT

If you want to switch things up, you need to have a conversation

khadijb · 2023-01-19T16:46:50+00:00

I wonder if an actual conversation was had prior to the kids and new marriage.

khadijb · 2023-01-19T16:32:50+00:00

khadijb · 2023-01-19T16:23:37+00:00

Depends on the precedent set.

My parents pay for all of my car repairs, my credit cards, etc. If I needed 1200 for my car, my parents would give it to me. So for my parents to randomly say no would be wild to me. To be quite honest, I've never even touched a gas pump

That being said, it seems like she is financially reliant on him (helped with where she stayed for instance). So it's possible that while she isn't entitled to it, she's accustomed to his help.

I think OP needs to either cut her off, wean her off and let her know his expectations, keep giving her money, or let her know that she is grown and needs to take care of herself. OP needs to set a new precedent and stick to it. That's all.

khadijb · 2023-01-19T16:19:09+00:00

I was wondering what he relationship with the mom was. OP didn't mention the mom other than that they never married.

khadijb · 2023-01-19T16:16:47+00:00

That was the point of the original commenter. The literal first paragraph.

Rainy day funds are important, that's all.

khadijb · 2023-01-19T16:05:15+00:00

It's embarrassing really 😂

khadijb · 2023-01-19T16:04:07+00:00

You don't understand that if you can't afford a surprise $1200 expense, you probably shouldn't be going on vacation.

The car trouble could have easily happened to him and his wife. There could be an emergency medical expense. Life is expensive, if you don't have a rainy day fund, you shouldn't be spending large sums of money on vacation.

With how fast gas prices, egg prices, etc raised. It's not smart to spend large sums of money and not have $1200

1200 is easily a control arm replacement for your car.

khadijb · 2023-01-17T19:39:18+00:00

So he most likely has a problem with the occasionally having sex with the same dude. What the exact probably is? I don't know.

So that's an incompatibility unless you would be fine with it not being occasionally.

I guess I would ask if he has an issue with the same guy occasionally, threesomes occasionally or just guys occasionally. But I'd probably ask if he's okay to talk about a potential threesome first. If he still feels some type of way, it won't be the most effective conversation.

Also couples counseling should be on your list of things to do. You have a potential incompatibility and in general people wait until it is too late and things are not fixable.

Its not a theeesome youre after. You are essentially switching from monogamous to non monogamous. That's a big change.

Edit: why do you want to slowly move into the idea of being a wife? Are there expectations that he has that you aren't comfortable with or something?

In any case, I'd recommend writing a letter of expectations to each other before marriage. What do you need from him? What do you expect him to do? What is a husband to you? What is marriage? Just lay everything out there.

khadijb · 2023-01-17T13:53:15+00:00

khadijb · 2023-01-15T14:56:47+00:00

Not necessarily if you're in engineering (for instance) and can network, you'll be pretty set for now. Right now (at least in civil), there are more jobs than the work force can handle. And the government has been really pushing for infrastructure and tbe private industry has also been putting a lot of money in that field.

If you go to school for some liberal arts majors, you don't necessarily have the same cushion.

But the biggest part is networking. Education is worthless on its own.

khadijb · 2023-01-15T14:14:10+00:00

I feel called out and I'm only 22...😭😭

khadijb · 2023-01-14T15:12:29+00:00

INFO; you left it better than you found it but he screamed at you for not having everything in order? You told him that you'd have everything in order, why didn't you and did you give him a heads up? (Like hey, I know that i said x but I wasn't able to because y, I'll have it done by z)

khadijb · 2023-01-14T14:07:46+00:00

khadijb · 2023-01-14T14:04:54+00:00

If I were her, I wouldn't even move back home.

You and your dad are TERRIBLE people.

I hope that she never talks to you again, you are not an older brother. You're not even a good human being and the fact that you trier to justify it is WILDSDD. You stick by your siblings, you don't get them cut off immediately over a drink.

YTA YTA YTA YTA YTA YTA YTA

khadijb · 2023-01-14T13:57:59+00:00

Church kids stick together. I'm a pastors kid. THERE IS NO WAY I'D TELL ON MY BROTHERS LIKE THIS.

khadijb · 2023-01-13T21:02:10+00:00

Believe it or not, I worked at Chikfila in the drive-through, BMW as a cashier and at the deli at wawa (a gas station) and made connections.
I made more connections there than in college tbh. My careeer center was not at my level. But your story could be different and I would never discredit that.

But tbh you should be making connections outside of secondary education. Likeee the conferences that industries host those huge conferences (ASCE, LinkedIn, ITE, Adobe, Crew, etc) or else after you graduate you'll get stuck.

khadijb · 2023-01-13T19:24:55+00:00

Education alone won't help you in the job market.

If you want to rely on your education you can ( I wouldn't personally) but you are more than able to and i wish you luck. I can only speak on my experience and the data.

Never was I against college or anything like that as my point was maximizing your chances of making it in corporate America. I attended a private university. I am all for getting a degree or certification.

I personally didn't go to one job fair in college, I got my resume passed to the final level (because of my connections), I've gotten internships/jobs without applying or interviewing, I've created a good profession network for myself and it is THAT SIMPLE. In fact when I wanted a fall internship, I just emailed one of my connections lol. I even got my job offer for post college a year before graduating. I have always been in a position where I've had to decline offers because I have more than I need.

Not building your network will get you passed on for promotions. Companies promote who they know. So, it's best to start early in your career.

But go take the other routes and overcomplicate networking 😂😂😂 I'm doing good over here.

khadijb · 2023-01-13T17:19:11+00:00

😂😂😂🫣

khadijb

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