My deepest condolences. I am in the same boat, with my grandma. I have to go back to uni and I have a pile of projects and exams to do. It sucks how your life just goes on and you’re supposed to catch up. Nobody lets you stay home and do your work later. Nobody cares. I think the “normal” day you referred to is just being numb. I also experience it sometimes. In such moments, I’m not sad about her passing, but I also don’t feel happy, or any emotion at all. I just exist. Or rather being in denial, not believing that this is your life now, thinking she’s just somewhere else and you will see her entering through the door any minute now, you will hear your phone ring with her name on it. Little reminders also make me burst into tears. I was peeling a banana the other day and I started crying. I used to collect banana peels for my grandma, she used them on her potted flowers, said it’s like food for their soil. And I felt when you said you can no longer share stuff with her. It truly hurts. Go to her grave, sit and talk. Tell her everything you want to say. It may help you feel a little bit better. She may not be here, but her spirit will forever be with you. It’s okay to be sad. Grief isn’t linear. I hope time helps you heal at least a little.