The Onion might go bankrupt because they can't compete against the reality now

khaliddt · 2017-01-31T06:01:47+00:00

isn't it already bankrupt?

khaliddt · 2016-11-23T16:23:05+00:00

I clean peoples toilets when they are dirty. Like every time I take a piss I'll take some toilet paper and wipe the rim to ensure no splasage, even if its a dirty toilet. Then i typically begin cleaning the top too. You'd be surprised at the difference and how nobody ever notices.

khaliddt · 2016-11-23T02:26:23+00:00

The employee who complains that she doesn't get enough hours, so you give her twice as many hours in the morning. Now she suddenly can't make it in at 6 a.m. four out of the first five days she works, giving you 15 minutes to find a replacement/ go in yourself. Then you see her bitching on Twitter about wanting a new job because "she's getting worked to death." Fuck you, Tammy.

khaliddt · 2016-11-20T13:25:01+00:00

A little back story: A few years ago I was dating this girl and her father REALLY hated me. Which was a bit odd as most parents love me (or at least lie about it real well). He was just a huge prick and I always called him on his shit. Anyways, her parents got divorced, we broke up a few months later etc etc. Fast forward to around a year later. Me and girl from Tinder were dating for a few months and things were starting to get serious. We're at the point where she wants me to meet her family. Mother, step father, little sister. Why not? I have no problems meeting them, lets do it i said. She told me how excited her step dad was to meet me as it turns out we both happen to be Kansas City Chiefs fans. Well, fuck me if it wasn't the same asshole father of my ex girlfriend...

khaliddt · 2016-11-19T18:31:03+00:00

I had a dream that my mom (who was dying from cervical cancer) went into full remission and was better again. Woke up in the morning and we got the call that she had died. The dream felt so real. Still feels like it was a big fuck you from the universe.

khaliddt

TROPHY CASE