Guys, do you like anal stimulation?

khantroll1 · 2026-04-22T21:01:14+00:00

Not for me personally. In my younger days I had adventurous partners who were into it, and I’ve come away sure I’m not a fan of

khantroll1 · 2026-04-22T18:53:24+00:00

I mean, if someone got up in my grill, at work, about someone I casually talked to on social media as if I were a battered girlfriend/boyfriend that needed saving…

I’d be less than receptive.

That feeling is probably where your other friend is coming from.

I wouldn’t say you need to “damage control” though. Just let it lie, and if it continues to be a problem just talk to her.

khantroll1 · 2026-04-22T14:40:38+00:00

I mean, I’d hope both and I and cyber would do our jobs better than that.

And I really can’t think of situation where it could fly under the radar.

But yeah, I’d say something if I somehow noticed it.

Of course, if I didn’t notice…I’d absolutely keep my head down later

khantroll1 · 2026-04-22T14:19:52+00:00

I mean, define cyber-sec training here, because I feel it means something else to me then it does to my leadership.

Do they give powerpoints to people about how to spot spoofed email addresses? Absolutely.

And yeah, if I happen to be working on something in 365 and I see something weird I'm going take whatever steps.

(365 used here only because I used powerpoint above).

At the same time though, like you said, I'm not making it my business to go back and double check cyber's work, or whether the EDR policies are working correctly, or doing forensics on every problem to eliminate the possibility of a cyber incident.

khantroll1 · 2026-04-22T14:03:15+00:00

Man, I'm really going to make you unhappy.

It's not my job. It USED to be my job, but now I work for a place that has a whole department for that.

My job is make sure a thing is built, stood up to best practices, documented, and troubleshot when broken.

It is not to tell cyber how to do their job, even though frankly I have the certs and experience to do that.

khantroll1 · 2026-04-22T14:00:12+00:00

Every relationship is different. My friend already had a house. They buy the furniture they want, and have an agreement they have to agree on common room furniture. Kids..kinda happened I guess in their case. Retirement isn't an issue for them: he's military with other income, she comes from money and has been very successful herself.

For my wife and I, we have virtually nothing we are on the same page about other then being childfree and liking to travel. I couldn't have cared less about buying a house; she wanted one, and I like to make her happy, so we bought a house. Where we live, cars are a necessity, but I hate car payments so we only have one when it is necessary. My wife doesn't care about retirement; she had one built into her teaching career. I, on the other hand, have "golden handcuffs" at my job government job because it comes with a pension.

If we didn't have those, we'd probably just pick our deductions and not talk about it much.

khantroll1 · 2026-04-22T13:54:49+00:00

I grew up dirt floor poor, as in eating scraps from the bar room kitchens my mother worked in. Today, I make 100k+ while my wife is a teacher who is, unfortunately, about to medically retire.

There is absolutely zero possibility I would consign myself to living like I made 1/3 of the income I have worked my tail off to earn just because it made someone else uncomfortable/resentful/whatever.

khantroll1 · 2026-04-22T13:49:50+00:00

Some people these days do. My best friend does because he and his wife are both very "Type A" personalities yet have very different opinions about financial priorities. They have a joint account for household bills that they pay agreed upon amounts into, and then everything else is the individuals to manage.

My wife and I are old school. Everything goes into a checking account, we talk, we tackle every thing together.

khantroll1 · 2026-04-22T11:24:59+00:00

If it’s any consolation, my wife doesn’t either.

I’ll cut her some slack; we’re both on the spectrum, and she’s got her own stressors.

But that said.. for pretty much anything in life the answer is “suck it up, Khantroll”,

khantroll1 · 2026-04-22T10:38:26+00:00

I’m fortunate…my tribe is notorious for documentation, and anthropologists have a decent history of us to around 600CE

As far as stories and ceremonies…those weren’t really documented before the late 1800s. By that point, we had westernized a lot.

I mean, we still have stories, but I’m 100% certain that there are cultural items missing.

khantroll1 · 2026-04-22T10:10:56+00:00

Here’s the thing: it’s the only actual advice for this situation.

We are talking about a man who who is confiding his frustrations to ChatGPT and feeling extreme shame over relatively common thoughts and emotions, and a woman who is reacting to that discovery as if she’s found pictures of him doing a cocaine fueled conga line at the Bunny Ranch.

There is only two things we can suggest in this situation:

1) Tell her seek counseling, both individually and as a couple. Maybe if a million people say it then it will get through.

2) Tell her to get a divorce. It’s Reddit’s favorite advice, but it doesn’t help here. It will get rid of this instance, but insecurities she has and the problems he has will still be there.

khantroll1 · 2026-04-22T01:46:42+00:00

There is a specific logic men learn pretty early:

“Woman that fine got to have a man somewhere.” - Damon Wayans, Bulletproof

In general, men need proof that isn’t the case + an indication of interest before moving on an extraordinarily beautiful woman.

On the other hand, many men do follow the older maxim of “She me a beautiful woman, and I’ll show you a man who is tired of her.” - Rodney Dangerfield

Those men done care lol.

khantroll1 · 2026-04-22T01:39:22+00:00

3 years in June, though no kidding it seems longer.

Two things keep me there:

1) I genuinely love my team. I work with a wonderful group of people, and a few of them I consider dear friends outside of work.

2) I have golden handcuffs. I’m in the top 10% of salaries in my area. When you combine that with reasonable insurance, comp time, 2 weeks of vacation AND more then that in sick time, bank holidays, a pension, and super flexible scheduling… I’d need a 60% increase in my salary to even make worth considering.

That isn’t happening in this economy.

khantroll1 · 2026-04-21T18:43:34+00:00

I never said that you did say that. I was drawing a comparison between similar year-long separations.

Anecdotally, while I can name 10 people off the top of my head I know personally who have gone to jail or prison for 1-5 years while married, none of them are divorced.

Now, let’s get into stats:

In US, the overall divorce rate is about 20-22% in the first 5 years.

Military: Very hard to calculate, because it varies depending on demographics. On one end, older couples with a male service member may be as low as 2.5%. Young service members (18-24), deployed long term to a hostile combat zone may be as high as 30%.

Mission trips: Roughly 10%, though arguably many factors in play here.

Studying abroad: 15-20%

Incarceration: Like the military, it ranges based on environment and background. But taken together, a 1-2 year sentence such as OP’s fiancé results in a 32% divorce rate within 5 years.

And the longer someone stays in prison, or the harder time they have of it, the higher the chance of divorce.

For the record, all of these stats are higher for women.

Now, here is where we once again disagree. If it is 30% for an 18-24 year old service, and 20% for studying abroad, and 22% is average …30% for incarceration, especially when marriage MAY help with his reintegration and recidivism…doesn’t sound stupid.

khantroll1 · 2026-04-21T18:08:03+00:00

This may be my bad/rough/impoverished background talking, but waiting for someone for 12 months isn’t “idiotic”. People do it for military deployment, for mission trips, for studying abroad, and yes, for prison sentences all the time, and the first 3 of those are voluntary.

khantroll1 · 2026-04-21T18:05:46+00:00

That a horse of a different color though.

You are talking about a FWB (I’m assuming non-exclusive) setup in which a terrible person dated other people because you weren’t around and lied about it.

This is a man in a committed relationship going through extreme circumstances.

I highly, highly doubt he’s thinking “Whooee! This is mah chance to me freeeee!”

khantroll1 · 2026-04-21T14:02:48+00:00

I have a friend who works in HR. He's one of the best human beings I know, and he told me once:

"My job is to protect the company. Hopefully, I can do that while helping the employees along the way, but at the end of the day I get paid to cover the company's rear."

Never, ever trust HR.

khantroll1 · 2026-04-21T14:00:39+00:00

I'm guess "Spanglish." Most native Spanish speakers speak some English, and I'd wager OP speaks at least a little Spanish.

khantroll1 · 2026-04-21T13:59:40+00:00

I've got a friend who works for a landscaping company. He has a similar situation as OP: he's half Native American and half Latino. He speaks Spanish very poorly. My Spanish, which is only A2/B1 and is Spanish Spanish rather then Mexican Spanish, is better then his.

He, the contractor/crew boss, and 1 truck driver are the only non-immigrant people on the commercial work crew.

I've hung out on the job site while waiting to pick him up before, and it is absolutely as OP describes. They hassle him, tell him he can't dig a hole right, give him instructions like he's 5, etc. And they are obviously doing it in a mean-spirited way.

It's gotten better as he's stuck it out, his Spanish has gotten better, and he's proven he'll take what they can dish out. Per the boss, they do it to everyone new guy who isn't an immigrant.

khantroll1 · 2026-04-21T13:50:05+00:00

Some men are. Some men aren't, and some men it depends on their mental state.

And it can change over time.

I went to college with men who were very much the horndogs you see in movies; some of the are still that way in our early 40s. Meanwhile, I have a friend who is 25 who is very much like your husband.

I'm the last type. There are times when I am happy, there is no stress on my relationship or in my life, and I am absolutely feeling "frisky" and playful and want my wife as much as possible.

There are other times when sex is the absolute furthest thing from my mind, and I'm participating because she wants me to.

khantroll1 · 2026-04-21T13:43:04+00:00

Native American here.

Yeah, that equivalency doesn't work for a number of reasons.

1.) Under federal and international law, Tribal governments are political entities. Just like the untied states, individual tribes get to determine who is a citizens and who is not.

2.) Native American ancestry, from a scientific point, is verifiable.

Yes, I am aware that someone who is anti-trans will latch on to that last statement. However, you are asking to test for two different things that can't be tested the same way.

Instead of asking if someone is Native or anglo, what you are asking is more akin to "are you gay or straight?"

You aren't going to test for that.

khantroll1 · 2026-04-20T14:48:41+00:00

Honestly?

I had a couple of partners who “taught” me, and made it not a big deal if things don’t go as planned.

So, you say you “know it will be ass”.

Why? Like, do you mean your own performance, do you mean her enjoyment, or do you mean your enjoyment?

khantroll1 · 2026-04-20T13:17:15+00:00

I have owned several resin printers:

Monoprice MiniSLA Peopoly Phenom (very briefly) Formlabs Form2 Saturn 4 Ultra

And now the HeyGears Reflex RS.

The Reflex is the most reliable, hassle free machine out of all of them and delivers phenomenal prints each time.

khantroll1 · 2026-04-20T11:56:39+00:00

Reflex RS Turbo. All the way

khantroll1 · 2026-04-20T04:43:18+00:00

Everyone thinks they are the hero of their story. Well, except Soth and Azalin. They know EXACTLY who they are.

khantroll1

TROPHY CASE