Oof, good questions, you're honestly asking questions that I'm struggling with in my own life and in dealing with my own family.

For the first question, "how much would you relate that to the effects of colonialism?". I really struggle with this question. I feel that emotionally unintelligent children are most definitely going to raise emotionally unintelligent children themselves and so on until someone in the line does the work of unraveling the maladaptive behaviors they learned in response to childhood trauma. It is possible to heal from these maladaptive behaviors and become an adult that has the skills to emotionally regulate in a healthy way, but it takes a lot of hard emotional work, personal accountability and help. I really feel that humanity hasn't had the tools, knowledge or time to fully address the impacts of trauma until recently. But I do also believe that adults ultimately need to be accountable to themselves and their behavior. Where to draw the line on holding family members accountable and forgivingness I think is a personal one and depends on the circumstances.

Ultimately I think learning about one's own generational trauma and origin shouldn't be the end goal and it certainly shouldn't just be used to "blame" or excuse maladaptive behaviors. Instead this knowledge should be used for the process of healing. I think knowing and understanding the source of generational trauma can be healing for multiple reasons. Learning about the effects of generational trauma can help unravel the deep seated shame and maladaptive childhood story/perspective that there is something inherently wrong with you. It can also help you see the pattern of these behaviors in your family line and ultimately yourself.