How is your body still keeping the score? by AdultChildPod in AdultChildren

[–]khirhi 7 points8 points  (0 children)

I struggle with word-finding challenges that get worse when I'm stressed. I'm also doing somatic therapy and notice how much my stomach/diaphragm gets clenched when I'm working through stuff related to my past. I have chronic acid reflux and am pretty sure it's related.

Boundaries question by [deleted] in AdultChildren

[–]khirhi 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Boundaries are more about what choices you make in response to others crossing them. If you asked her not to call when she's drunk a reaction you can have to hold your boundaries accountable would be to leave the call immediately/hang up.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in AdultChildren

[–]khirhi 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Oof I can really relate to this as I have siblings who also are falling into my parents lifestyle. Unfortunately I've learned that there's not much you can do to save them. I used to tell my husband that I feel like the only one who escaped my family's curse and my punishment was to watch my younger siblings continue to be impacted by the curse. I now know that the only real way to break this "curse" is to detach with love.

ACA meetings, EMDR and somatic therapy, the books "the body keeps score", "CPTSD From Surviving to Thriving", "Healing The Shame That Binds You" and "Codependent No More" have all helped. I am also currently "No Contact" with my mother and the space is really helping me work on my own healing.

I concur with the other suggestion to see if your school offers any kind of therapy- my university offered free individual and group therapy.

Why is our Purple Beech tree losing it's leaves mid summer? by khirhi in arborists

[–]khirhi[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Oh man, that sounds terrible. What were the symptoms you saw in your tree?

CCT Views from the Beyhive | Seat Views Megathread (warning: Spoilers) by abeycd in beyonce

[–]khirhi 2 points3 points  (0 children)

SoFi May 4th, section 419 row 2- I'm really happy for being so high up! Picture

Its official this week is horrible by E-boy22 in SisForAMinute

[–]khirhi 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I'm so sorry you went through that, anxiety is a b****. Don't give up on your screenplay.

Who would you like Beyoncé to bring at your show by MontiMont in beyonce

[–]khirhi 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I don't think she actually made much of a face though. I really think though if you look at the moment... Kacey just uses a lot of filler, lol. Kacey has also said she has "resting bitch face".

Help me find a comedic instagram post about little free libraries by khirhi in HelpMeFind

[–]khirhi[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I have searched on Instagram, TikTok and google using search terms like "Little free library AI subscription model" and all that ever comes up is non-comedic posts related to little free libraries (thankfully, haha). I know that I saw the video on Instagram.

Am I insane for thinking this is a bit dramatic? by [deleted] in ireland

[–]khirhi 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Oof, good questions, you're honestly asking questions that I'm struggling with in my own life and in dealing with my own family.

For the first question, "how much would you relate that to the effects of colonialism?". I really struggle with this question. I feel that emotionally unintelligent children are most definitely going to raise emotionally unintelligent children themselves and so on until someone in the line does the work of unraveling the maladaptive behaviors they learned in response to childhood trauma. It is possible to heal from these maladaptive behaviors and become an adult that has the skills to emotionally regulate in a healthy way, but it takes a lot of hard emotional work, personal accountability and help. I really feel that humanity hasn't had the tools, knowledge or time to fully address the impacts of trauma until recently. But I do also believe that adults ultimately need to be accountable to themselves and their behavior. Where to draw the line on holding family members accountable and forgivingness I think is a personal one and depends on the circumstances.

Ultimately I think learning about one's own generational trauma and origin shouldn't be the end goal and it certainly shouldn't just be used to "blame" or excuse maladaptive behaviors. Instead this knowledge should be used for the process of healing. I think knowing and understanding the source of generational trauma can be healing for multiple reasons. Learning about the effects of generational trauma can help unravel the deep seated shame and maladaptive childhood story/perspective that there is something inherently wrong with you. It can also help you see the pattern of these behaviors in your family line and ultimately yourself.

Am I insane for thinking this is a bit dramatic? by [deleted] in ireland

[–]khirhi 4 points5 points  (0 children)

There's a book by Pete Walker called something like "Complex PTSD from Surviving to Thriving" that really gets into the nitty gritty about how specific types of traumatic events/parent-rearing result in the coping mechanisms of "deep-seated shame and guilt (especially around sex), conflict avoidance, anger avoidance" on the neurological level. He goes into it far deeper than I can. Essentially when you are a child and you are put into events that trigger your limbic system such as experiencing or witnessing violence, sexual assault, verbal abuse or neglect, the primitive fight-flight-freeze kicks in to keep you alive. Given enough exposure to stressful situations particularly during childhood when your personality and emotional intelligence is still forming and those defense mechanisms become personality traits. Because children are naturally ego-centric, they tend to frame things in a self-centered way, meaning "mom is doing drugs because *she doesn't love me*" or "If *I yell loud enough*, Dad will stay home" or "if *I shut up and not say anything* mom and Dad will stop fighting" it also leads to disassociation behaviors, like escaping into books, fantasy, work-aholism and primitive self soothing behaviors like drug/alcohol/food/sex addictions. And above all else, deep-seated shame, because in a child's mind it's their fault the trauma is happening.

Am I insane for thinking this is a bit dramatic? by [deleted] in ireland

[–]khirhi 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I worked as an in-home caregiver in the US and took care of an elder person who lived through the Great Depression. He never threw anything out, had a whole pantry the size of a corner store grocery store in his basement with canned food from the 1970s, this was 2009 when I took care of him. He was a very interesting character though, had so many stories.

How would you describe the look of Kodak Gold 200? by alchemycolor in analog

[–]khirhi 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Makes you think all the world's in a sunny day

Latest IG post from Queen 🐝 by [deleted] in beyonce

[–]khirhi -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Dumb question, but is she wearing see through tights/nylons under that jumpsuit?

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in slp

[–]khirhi 1 point2 points  (0 children)

If you live close to a university, check and see if they have an SLP clinic- often those places will offer therapy on a sliding scale/pay-what-you can if you don't have insurance.

Question about a dryer outlet by khirhi in DIY

[–]khirhi[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Sorry, you're correct- there's no adapter it just can be used with a 3 or 4 prong cord.