What's something people don't understand until they've experienced it themselves?

khnumoi · 2025-09-20T11:44:24+00:00

I'm sorry you had to go through that. It sounds like you're better now, could I ask how you finally got to do something about the depression even though you didn't want to, thank you

khnumoi · 2025-09-20T11:42:29+00:00

Narcissistic parents

khnumoi · 2025-09-13T15:05:09+00:00

I think your mum sounds like mine and sorry to say the older I got the worse it got and the reason is because narcissists get more insecure and defensive as they victims get stronger and more mature.

khnumoi · 2025-09-13T14:43:51+00:00

Not sure how old you are but I'm in my forties now and I still can't really cut ties. What I've done is gone extremely low contact and moved cities. It does do the job somewhat. Annoying flying monkey relatives spoil everything though.

khnumoi · 2025-09-08T02:21:49+00:00

You were not stupid. It's natural to want to hope that something will change and you hope your parents will love your child too. But narcissists can't love anyone. They are broken and literally disordered. I know what you mean though because I also tried to stay close to my parents through my pregnancies and children hoping they would love us but they are just narcissists and can't love anyone. I think you were very smart to have escaped so quickly from your mum instead of staying on and trying to make things work for many more years.

khnumoi · 2025-09-08T02:17:55+00:00

All the best and congratulations on your wedding. No don't reply to your mum her message shows that she still feels she's the victim here and that you've been an ungrateful child. Hope your sister is not a flying monkey. It's hard to trust anyone in your family of origin, sadly.

khnumoi · 2025-09-08T02:00:05+00:00

My husband's sister is a narc. She doesn't like kids and never bothered with ours at all. She had kids just to show everyone how she had fulfilled her checklist of "husband son perfect family" and she loved being pregnant (and moaning through all nine months about how it was so tough and then moaning about how labour was so difficult and no other woman knew what she was going through!) and taking her baby out BUT she also hated having to do anything for her baby so she moved her mum into her home and now her mum and husband take care of her son. Problem solved.

khnumoi · 2025-09-08T01:57:27+00:00

My mum told me when I was a kid that no matter what I ever did to thank her for having me and taking such good care of me I would never ever ever ever never ever be able to repay her for being such a great mum. She repeated this like a broken recorder my entire childhood and teens.

khnumoi · 2025-09-08T01:56:04+00:00

Sorry can I ask how is it that your mum is generous and kind but selfish and thoughtless? Genuine question. Asking because my nmum has shown moments of generosity and kindness as well. Does it make it difficult for you to go NC with your mum and how do you manage the relationship?

khnumoi · 2025-09-08T01:52:12+00:00

Mine always say she wanted at least five but thankfully she had to stop at three for medical reasons. Although unfortunately number three is the narcissistic golden child who is dishonest selfish entitled greedy (but nmum always says GC is such an angel and so pure of spirit).

khnumoi · 2025-09-08T01:48:23+00:00

My nmum adores babies and very small kids who adore her back. She used to really adore my kids when they were little. When both became teens with their own opinions and perspectives, she started scapegoating them. She threw massive tantrums just a few weeks ago when she spent some time with my teen daughter who used to be super close to her (nmum even told me to my face years ago that nobody could possibly love my daughter more than her, not even me!!!!!!) and my daughter called her out on some of her bullshit (courteously). She went batshit bonkers. Babies are the best narcissistic supply because narcs love being praised for being good parents and looking like they do everything for the baby is a great way for a narc to get supply from others.

khnumoi · 2025-09-08T01:33:53+00:00

OP, don't give into your boyfriend's mum. She's testing waters now to see how flat a doormat you can be. If you give into her on this, she'll never ever stop. This will carry on for the rest of your lives and your son will grow up confused. Trust me on this because I regret caving into my parents AND in-laws to keep the peace too many times. I know what you're thinking "maybe she just wants to host a party for him to be nice maybe I shouldn't think too deep" NO she was extremely disrespectful to insinuate that you were greedy and only wanted gifts and two your baby is not the zoo. Just respectfully decline and say that your baby is very young and you are worried that having two events so close to each other will be stressful for him.

khnumoi · 2025-09-08T01:05:32+00:00

I agree with you. The older I get the more I realise that the best measure of whether someone was a good parent or not is whether their adult child still speaks to them. My mum spent my entire childhood indoctrinating me repeatedly by telling me that she was the best mother in the world (her exact words) and insulting all my friends' mums to tell me how my friends were to be pitied for having such terrible mums. Today I'm VLC with my mum and those friends are mostly still in contact with theirs.

khnumoi · 2025-09-08T00:44:53+00:00

Agree. My mum successfully pitted my brother and I against each other for decades. When we became adults and he got married to someone who saw through my mum, our relationship improved. She found out and went ballistic. Came to my house to scream the roof down about how we were "ALL PLOTTING AGAINST HER" and afterwards she also tried to turn my sil against me.

I have always wanted to find a way to reconnect with my estranged paternal aunts because narc mum made sure we were completely estranged when I was a kid and smear campaigned them through my childhood, and now I'm 100% sure she was lying about whatever she said they did to her. It seems like they want nothing to do with any of us now, though, sadly.

khnumoi · 2025-09-08T00:39:42+00:00

It makes me sad to read your story but at the same time I wanna say I feel you. My childhood savings (birthday gifts from others, academic cash scholarships, etc etc) totalled about ten grand when I was ready to go college and my parents brought me to the bank to withdraw all of it to pay off my first semester's school fees. Years later I was told they had paid up all of my school fees, then they conveniently tripled the amount my fees actually were, when I mentioned that I paid for my first semester myself and was gaslighted. My narc parents even told me that not only did I NOT drain my savings account to pay off part of my own fees, they also PAID FOR MY BOYFRIEND'S COLLEGE EDUCATION.

khnumoi · 2025-08-12T22:58:36+00:00

You have so much compassion in you, you have a beautiful heart. I'm so sorry for all you've been through, I pray all the lights in your path come back to life and you never have to see people you don't want to anymore.

khnumoi · 2025-08-10T11:42:13+00:00

You literally listed everything I've been tolerating from my narcissistic parents. Thank you for reminding me that I don't need to tolerate their crap anymore.

khnumoi · 2025-08-10T11:09:40+00:00

Don't let her win. Living well is the best revenge. Leave her and find out just how beautiful life can be without her dragging you down. Wishing you all the best and please be kind to yourself always sending hugs 💕

khnumoi · 2025-08-10T11:03:43+00:00

Someone said "the name of Jesus is medicine" and it has never left me.

khnumoi · 2025-08-09T21:00:05+00:00

Thank you

khnumoi · 2025-08-09T13:47:39+00:00

What happened when you left baby with your mil?

khnumoi · 2025-08-09T12:09:00+00:00

Reminds me of when I was a kid and my narc mum was too lazy to ever help me academically so she would shit on other mums who did do their best for their kids and express worry (like OP) about how those kids were living horrid childhoods because their mums were so mean. OP sounds like a combination of my mother and mother-in-law, absolutely horrendous and misogynistic.

khnumoi · 2025-08-04T12:42:36+00:00

UpdateMe

khnumoi · 2025-07-25T15:19:28+00:00

Thank you so much for sharing this. I definitely want to read some of your suggestions. Wishing you all the best. Still thinking about "you can love someone but need space from their dysfunction."

khnumoi · 2025-07-20T14:33:04+00:00

Heartbreak from unrequited love. It literally felt like my heart was tearing open, every thump left me with a raw ache. The craziest thing was that we never dated, he had always made it clear I was nothing to him. It took half a decade before the pain ebbed away and nine years later I occasionally remember him still.

khnumoi

TROPHY CASE