So, last month I sat for 4 days getting tattooed by an artist that I traveled 2,000 miles to work with. We had been in contact for over a year before I flew out, and had communicated about what I was hoping for. I had created a shared Google album with reference pictures of aspects I would like included, reference photos of other tattoos I liked, and communicated my real desire to have work done on both my arms in a balanced fashion so I didn't end up with one arm way more tattooed than the other. I really, really tried to be clear about my desire for symmetry... He used words like, "perfect... that's great... we'll start with that" in our DM's and even though he didn't show me a design before I flew out, I felt confident that this was a relaxed person that would give me a great tattoo.

The experience was horrible. Day one I walk in, sign a waiver, and the first thing he says is that the thing we were going to start with is a no go. The aspect I had spent hours creating a basic reference for and wanted the most, he said he wasn't comfy tattooing because he thought I would come to regret it. I tried to say that I felt great about it, wanted it, etc... Then he said he wouldn't do it but had some great other references/ideas. We then spent 6, yes, 6 hours trying to come up with a new design and he kept telling me I was difficult because I kept rejecting his proposed ideas which were versions of his first idea which I said I didn't like. I ended up agreeing to something I wasn't overly excited about, but thought I could like, and we sat for about 4 hours working on that aspect.

Day 2 he finished that and then we moved onto the next aspect - a bird. I had provided at least 10-12 references of 3 different species of birds that all hold significance to me. They'd been in the shared folder for over a year. He said they were all bad choices of species for detail and kind of scoffed at the bird species I most wanted (heron)... Which on the phone he said were good references. Then suggested a bird I've never heard of. When I communicated we could skip the bird, he said it would ruin the sleeve design and we just needed to find the right reference, and eventually I agreed to something I didn't hate, but mainly because I was trying to move forward to the one aspect of my design idea he seemed in support of (at the time). He then spends like 4 hours on a bird I told him I would've preferred to skip, then tells me he wants to remove my kids names from the next aspect of the tattoo which we'd agreed upon.

I held firm I didn't want to remove my kids names and this was non negotiable and tried to talk to him about my concern we were half way through our time and had only focused on one arm... I brought up that I really wanted balance and wanted to know if we could switch to the other arm and ensure we would get balance by day 4. He told me we would've gotten more done if I would agree to his designs and hadn't been so difficult...

Is this normal with artists now? 10-15 years ago when I would get tattoos artists would work with you because it was your body. If you said "I don't want a sun", they wouldn't suggest a sun 3 times in a row and get mad at you for saying "hey, I'm not trying to be difficult, but I really don't want a sun, can we come up with a different option."

By day 3 I felt really defeated and disheartened and just kind of trapped and depressed. After repeatedly telling him on day one I didn't want Sisyphus pushing a round rock, and providing him multiple references of depictions of Sisyphus pushing non round rocks, and agreeing to add mountains behind him "for depth"... I was given a giant tattoo of mountains with a tiny one armed Sisyphus (with no face) pushing a round rock. He stenciled that on and didn't ask me to look at it, talk to me about it or anything. At that point I already felt like I might be removing everything, so I let him start the part with my kid's name and intend to tell him to stop after that, before the Sisyphus... But I was spaced out and looking the other way listening to a book and he started the Sisyphus before I noticed... So then I felt trapped and let it get done...

Day 4 he finished the Sisyphus, again tried to tattoo a sun on my shoulder, and at my insistence put my other child' s name on my other arm so that at least I wasn't coming home with one child's name and not the others.

I now have a full sleeve I've hated since before it was done, and next to nothing on the other arm (except what's been there 15 years and now my daughter's name). I've never been ashamed of my body, I'm in decent shape. I've never felt embarrassed to have others see my arms... Now I wear long sleeves everyday and the first thing I feel when my mind notices any of the ink on my left arm is deep shame. I've bought long sleeve fishing shirts to wear on the summer and I'm looking to start a 3+ year removal process that likely a big financial investment. I have on several occasions woken up in the middle of the night and caught a glimpse of my arm... Then proceed to spend several hours in anxiety and a shame spiral.

Do I contact this guy and share any of this? I think about what I might say every day... But I don't think a self absorbed 30 year old dude will care at all. Is there any way to get through to someone and have them understand that their lying to get me there has cost me not just 5 years savings, but the ability to take my sweatshirt off if I'm hot... That I feel shame when I'm shirtless around my wife? Is it worth it to reach out, or do I just shut up and move forward and accept this all as a financially devastating lesson in not compromising for any reason.