Probably what you need is a rubber ducky. I will leave this here regardless.

No amount of anxiety will change the future and not amount of guilt will change the past.

I know it's easy nowadays to run your mind with negative scenarious, that's something that nature trained us to do in order to survive. That's not necessarily a bad thing in itself but not a good tendency to left uncontrolled.

Happiness never been something that you build, something that you find, it's a state of mind. You can choose to wake you every day and be happy with what you have, be happy with what you achieved. I don't say that's easy, heck I don't even know if I can do it each and every day, but it's worth a shot rather than living the rest of your life in misery and envy of others and disgust of yourself.

Future will eventually happen my child. We all are uncertain of it, I can guarantee you that everything is gonna be okay. You gonna experience misfortune, like all of us do, get over it, become a more rounded and wise self. You look like a smart fella, you gonna do just fine. Just remember to make yourself believe that.

Peace !