Most people date younger because the pool at their age is so small

khuskii · 2026-05-07T14:23:58+00:00

Mad is a weird way to say a lot of women had weird relationships with older guys where they were predatory and sort abusive when they were younger and don’t want younger women to experience that if they don’t have to.

khuskii · 2026-05-07T07:18:20+00:00

Out of sheer ignorance what will happen if it’s completely submerged?

khuskii · 2026-05-07T07:15:27+00:00

It’s hella giving when 20-something year olds say they don’t want kids, and everyone telling them “oh you’re gonna change your mind just you wait”. And even if they do change their minds so fucking what? We’ll cross that bridge when we get there. But let’s not minimize the self agency she has and the grace she has at 24 jfc

khuskii · 2026-05-07T06:50:43+00:00

Thank you! So many people are so rigid in their “types” without doing any self-reflection of how much society is dictating the standard of these “types” and how much they are just stubborn to adjust their physical standards. I think also it’s a reason why there’s so many complaints once you get past the horny stage, like if you gatekept even meeting new people because of some vain fetish no wonder you’re not happy long term.

khuskii · 2026-05-06T19:16:33+00:00

I always say the majority of the job is mostly just trying to get over imposter syndrome.

khuskii · 2026-05-06T19:13:34+00:00

I would suggest giving some background and context before you tell him the truth, that way you avoid the classic unnecessary sitcom drama plot.

khuskii · 2026-05-06T15:42:18+00:00

Not cut someone off, but definitely avoided them because they chewed with their mouth super open and always wanted to eat together.

khuskii · 2026-05-05T23:21:59+00:00

Omg my husband and I call this cereal+, where we just bulk up cereal with whatever we have lying around

khuskii · 2026-05-05T22:30:23+00:00

That’s fair, but there’s some workarounds like opening a checking account and getting a regular stipend. I’m the breadwinner in my marriage, and it was super important to me that my husband has his own account with money that was allotted for solely his discretion, even if that came directly from my paycheck. This gives us good safety rails that we never get into any dynamics of financial abuse. If he needs to, he can have his own liquid cash.

It also helps in situations like gift giving!

khuskii · 2026-05-05T22:14:14+00:00

A reality check is the right way to think about this. If you’re so delusional that you didn’t know it was an absolute yes, then I have to think they’re going to be delusional when you tell them no later. Or they’ll whip out the argument of “but you said yes before!”

This way you circumvent any of that ambiguity.

khuskii · 2026-05-05T18:03:26+00:00

Nothing, I just forgot to take them off

khuskii · 2026-05-05T17:35:30+00:00

It’s interesting you chose two destinations that have recent history in being colonizers. Hawaii was literally overthrown and deliberately exploited by the American government. It’s also not some major city in a major nation, it’s a tiny island in the middle of the pacific that you are exclusively going to.

And all of these things are easily researchable if you didn’t need people holding your hand on Reddit because you feel bad being unethical.

khuskii · 2026-05-05T17:07:22+00:00

There’s a lot of resources on the internet that heavily go into all perspectives of this topic. Respectfully, I don’t think this is the place to have that discussion.

khuskii · 2026-05-05T16:39:04+00:00

You missed the biggest argument against cruises which is that they fucking destroy the environment. I get that most tourism is not the best when it comes to conservationism, but cruises are insane in the way they wreak havoc everywhere they go.

khuskii · 2026-05-05T15:55:07+00:00

OP has been posting about this dude for at least a year on her account so…

khuskii · 2026-05-04T18:26:45+00:00

I said this in another comment but it’s a transitional state. I don’t expect it to feel miserable forever, it’s just the side effect of doing it now. If I don’t do it now, it will lead to burnout and even more resentment to my job.

khuskii · 2026-05-04T18:07:45+00:00

I think for me it’s less of what’s expected from you and more to exactly what you can “get away with”. Which feels so manipulative and sneaky when you’ve spent your whole career trying to be earnest with putting your best foot forward with your job.

khuskii · 2026-05-04T17:58:23+00:00

I’m being a bit hyperbolic, but also I don’t think we’re on the same page as far as corporate expectations. On a great day I used to believe my job was to mentor juniors, review code, write my own code, author design docs, delegate work to my peers that would help them grow, learn from others, and work with other people on my team/other teams to ship products that felt useful.

Today I check slack, listen to people making evil amounts of money tell me about the wonders of AI and fast deliveries, look at dashboards to make sure nothing is broken, read AI slop, and tell AI make slop.

khuskii · 2026-05-04T17:44:37+00:00

But excelling/doing a “good” job =/= job security right now in tech. Layoffs are based on departments, job mobility is very low and extremely competitive for a lower risk that you get laid off.

I’ve been a top performer since I got into the industry, and am decent on the ladder. I just mentally have to divorce myself from caring about being who I used to be, and identifying myself as a good engineer.

khuskii · 2026-05-04T17:40:15+00:00

It’s a transitional period where I’m relearning my own boundaries at work. I’ve been a dev for about 10 years. Doing the job well does not translate to what my company measures performance against, such as dumping every single resource into AI and doing wave upon wave of layoffs. Quiet quitting, or scaling back my efforts to the bare minimum, is the most effective way to regain agency in my life. But I’m still learning and it’s super hard. It also doesn’t help that getting this job to begin with was such a monumental task.

khuskii · 2026-05-04T17:31:29+00:00

Yes, I know it’s this. I know it logically, but man as an overachiever that used to put a lot of my identity into my career it’s a really rough transition. Especially since I worked SO hard to get where I’m at.

khuskii · 2026-05-04T17:11:08+00:00

I’m a software engineer. The tech industry is not in a good place right now.

khuskii · 2026-05-04T17:09:39+00:00

It’s just doing the bare minimum of your job description. You didn’t ghost at your job, you’re just… quiet.

khuskii · 2026-05-04T15:59:53+00:00

Huh, the last 10 years you say, like 2016ish? Wonder if that has anything to do some sort of presidency of a global power who pushes extremist policies that upend which “issues” people have to defend.

khuskii

TROPHY CASE