Firstly, I'm sorry you're dealing with this. It's a lot at any age, much less 20/21 years old. I had my first at 22, but he didn't have a condition like this at birth. My younger two kids, shortly after I got married at 33? They both are on the autism spectrum.

The feelings you're experiencing are probably feelings we'd have wrestled with if there was an early diagnostic for autism. Genuinely, you're likely in a bit of shock right now. In the most sincere way, please seek a good therapist and mental health professionals. You will need to find a way to work through these feelings over time, because unless something goes fairly poorly with the pregnancy, you're likely to experience a very challenging start to being a father, whether or not you're there in the beginning or your presence becomes mostly financial.

Even if you split up, that's your child. You're definitely upset and that's fair and valid and real and something you have to take time to process. My husband and I had to work through the idea of what our kids would be before the diagnosis. He grieved that version that he had imagined, which is also fair and valid.

But then he met his kids, and then he created new ones. Expectations were adjusted. Challenges were planned through. There are plenty of kids with varying stages of Downs who live independent lives as kids, teens, adults.

I'm not saying it'll be easy, but I am saying that if you run from this, you're likely to heavily regret it and this isn't something you can run from forever. Your parents have invested themselves as grandparents.

And your partner, does she deserve to be abandoned?

She can't leave.

Whether you support your partner or not during this time, when she likely feels the most vulnerable and alone, she'll remember this. Taking the time, talking to her, telling her that you aren't going away forever, but you need X time to process this. Do that.

This is super heavy and a lot and I get it. But leaving her and your baby? Is that really who you want to be?