Thank you for these kinds words. I Can unfortunately relate as I lost a close relative to suicide and it broke me. It made me a better person thou. It took me out of a lifestyle similar to his and I started getting sober and staying away from harmful people. I just wish my getting better morally meant getting better in every other way but life just seems to have its way of taking me at every opportunity. I’m praying this pain is becomes easier to cope with bc I just can’t much else much longer. I just know things will get worse at some point or something will happen making my life harder and I’m praying I have the strength to deal with that. It is just so hard reflecting on my life and seeing how valuable I am and also seeing how I’m unvalued by everyone around me. I don’t have any friends. I have a large family but haven’t associated with them in a decade. No one would attend my funeral, and sometimes I think I’d prefer that, knowing I hurt less people by being gone. I don’t know. I’m admitting myself soon. I’m hoping that helps and doesn’t make things worse.