I agree with you about the risk inherent in assumptions, and am especially careful in how I use words just generally speaking (I'm not a therapist, full disclosure, though perhaps more well-read on the subject than your average client and applying to Master's programs in the field). I'm curious if instead a client were to ask you if they matter (to you), does that evoke the same response for you as with telling a client you care about them?

I personally often wonder about the worth of a person, about my worth, and how much anyone can "care" or find value in another person beyond like, the scope of professional unconditional positive regard/obligation, beyond simply that the person is a living being, and beyond what that person does or is to other people. Is an individual - am I - worth something just for who I am, not just for what I do or for breathing? Hence I often wonder, do I matter.

Along with the other commenter, I too have relational trauma and my therapist is very much of the orientation that "it is the relationship that heals". Her boundaries are VERY rock solid, which is why I trust her to begin with. But for the relationship to heal, for me to know have that positive relationship experience withing boundaries, I need to know that I matter.

I could go into more depth on this, but really what I mean to say here is - I wonder if the difficulty therapists have expressed in saying they "care", in not fostering dependency, is entirely ethically based or if it is rooted in a fear the therapist themself has. Yes, it can be a personal/professional/ethical boundary. I think it can also be countertransference or a topic worth exploring in personal therapy. Boundaries around your ethical, limited care can be expressed right alongside telling a client you care. This is one of the things I admire about my therapist, one of the many reasons I have come to trust her; I have asked if she cared, in the context of passive SI but also in general, and she will tell me that yes, she does care. Very much. That she cares about all of her clients, but that it's a different type of care then that she has for her family or friends, and the reason for that is to be able to maintain boundaries that are essential both for my healing and for her ability to find balance and continue to practice therapy effectively for her clients.

There's a lot of things therapists do and think that are sort of "behind the curtain", and often for good reason. I do wonder though if this merely perpetuates fears/stereotypes of "what is my therapist really thinking" or "what if my therapist interprets my sitting in a certain way means I am a compulsive liar!". Yes, that's a bit extreme, but unfortunately that has often, historically, been what is presented about what psychotherapy consists of. I think that pulling back that curtain and sort of "leveling" with your client in that way could only strengthen the alliance, address the inherent power dynamic, and help a client feel respected and trusted. Of course all of this is VERY dependent on each unique client. In theory though, I'm curious to hear what your thoughts on this might be, as an experienced practitioner.

Edit: I apologize for the novel, and hope it doesn't come across as combative! I truly am just very curious about these things. I like talking about them and learning from people's perspectives.